am i crazy?
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| Thu, 04-13-2006 - 2:18pm |
Or does it seem that everyone out there who are potential "mates" are only interested in themselves. I will focus on the women because I am myself a guy who is single and who tries to meet women to date, be friends with, talk to, or maybe get serious with but I seem to run into so many unappealing people(emotionally and mentally not pyhsically). I look at the news and look at people everywhere(newpaper editorials, at work, at school, on the street, at the grocery store, at night clubs and parties-everywhere!) and I see so many self-invovled, greedy, idealistic people everywhere, and all the time. I judge this by the way they interact with me, other people, noticing how they carry themselves and how they seem to react to things. I am coming off as a grumpy person who has a dislike for people but Im not, I am really an open minded person who wants to like others and who wants to have a little faith in others but I find it impossible especially when it comes to women when I am trying to find someone to connect with even if it is only on a friendship level. I am becoming more and more disillisioned with other people especially the opposite sex.
Forgive me for sounding mean or like a grumpy SOB but I am just upset with people in general....
Let me know if you agree with or dont or think Im a crazy person lol....

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Yes, I agree with you that I should be talking to every one, and I do not mean that I am scared in front of pretty girls. (Maybe I don't realize that I am afraid or that I come off like I am scared....)
I don't know if you read a post I had a while ago, in which I talked about my goal of becoming a sexy, dashing guy. While I am trying to improve myself in several areas, I always have the morbid feeling that I will never measure up to the "hot guys". Perhaps that is the root of my inferiority complex.
The "hot" guys are over-rated. I saw a "hot" guy today...tight jeans, nice button up shirt and gray sport coat with spiffy sunglasses. Very good looking guy. I couldn't figure if he was walking funny cuz his pants were so tight or if he was the arrogant cuss he came across to be.
Have a good heart. Thats more important than dashing sexiness in the end anyways.
Ruby
The trouble with so-called "hot guys" is this - they usually have very little to offer other than their looks.
I dated this really good-looking guy several years back. He did quite a bit of modeling and acting. And to make a long story short, he was good-looking and about as smart as a brick. And THAT was a complete turn-off. Everytime he opened his mouth he became more and more unattractive. I had to dump him because I couldn't stand him and his complete lack of intelligence. And I think you'll find most women feel this way.
By all means, improve yourself. But improve on all aspects - your body, your hobbies, your intellect, your conversation, manners, etc. ESPECIALLY your intellect. And if a women judges you solely by what you look like - same with the guys judging a woman on what she looks like - you don't want a woman who is that shallow. Shallow people aren't worth the trouble. Find someone who appreciates you and what you have to offer.
Don't drive yourself too crazy. Because it will.
I know how you feel. I compare myself to other women ALL the time. And it has a turn-off effect on guys - I know that. But honestly, I don't compare physically to the cute blondes, size four girls with great hair and so forth. I wasn't fortunate enough to be blessed with good genes. No - I got a large frame (I just did the measurement with the measuring tape - normal BMI but just big), unruly black hair, bad eyesight and big feet. Sigh. There's not much we can do with genetics.
But I've always believed that there are no ugly people - just lazy ones. So if you're doing everything you can on your looks, smarts, manners and so forth, there's no reason you should be comparing yourself to others. (That's rich coming from me - I need to take my own advice!) Everyone is different - no one person is attractive to 100 of the population. You really just have to be the best YOU that you can be. And you also need to be able to see the good in others as well and past the outward appearance.
I do believe I can come off as attractive to some girls...but seemingly not the ones I like for some reason.
I have gotten girls attention and have had girls hit on me. All of the girls that have overtly shown interest in me I was not attracted to...not just pyshically but also they didnt seem like people I could connect with. But I give everyone a chance...if a girl who looked liked the hunchback of notre dame asked me out I would probably give her a chance...ok maybe not but my point is I find about 75-80% of girls my age attractive pyshically(its harder to find women my age I am not attracted to). Anyway...I give all of them a chance because I say to myself that maybe I am just a little messed up and need to relax and give this one a shot...I am never interested in them...funny thing is that I can count maybe half a dozen girls give or take that have asked ME out and I didnt want to but I did and I did it with an open mind and tried hard to be interested int hese girls...but I wasn't.
Then there have been a few girls that I do like that may have been interested in me...two that I can think of that were beautiful and sweet and everything and they seemed nice and as if they liked me.
One of them liked my good friend who is a model and girls fall all over so I figured no point there....
The other also liked the same friend of mine but met him a couple of times and lost interest then started talking to me regularly...I found out she had originally liked my friend and lost interest before she started talking me so I blew her off...it doesnt feel nice to be a second choice and compared to my friend believe me I HAVE to be a second choice...it was like she went to the video store to rent a movie she had wanted to see for a long time and it was out so she got another movie just to pass time...gee thanks
I cant seem to find any girl who I like that likes me....
Well I can totally relate to the "second-best" thing. My relationship came about this way and I'm still sort of dealing with it. My BF had a choice between this really hot girl and me - and he chose her. Then found out she was a witch with a "B", and suddenly he was interested again. Dated me for a while, broke up with me, tried to date someone else - that didn't work, so he came back to me. Now he says he loves ME and only me. Eh - I'm not so sure.
I now realize I never should have taken him back, not because of HIM necessarily, but because of how I would feel. I DO feel like I was the second and third choice. And it's a rotten feeling.
ANYWAY - I'm rambling. Sorry.
I don't know. I guess we all have to go through this dating BS and learn what we can and can't put up with. I'm trying to deal with my problem. I do think it's important to do things that you love - skiing, biking, painting, whatever - whatever it is that you LOVE to do. That will take your mind off of the dating thing, and you'll get involved with OTHER people who are like-minded. And you'll develop confidence because you'll be involved with something you're familiar with, can talk about and feel good about.
The similar interests thing....that gets me into trouble
I dont like to share my interests because usually noone is interested in the same things as me and when I tell people things I am into I get weird looks...maybe not weird but bored looks...
It would be hard enough to find someone thats like me to be a friend with let alone a woman....
women arent into the things I am...most people arent
I am a bit of an odd ball to say the least
>Have a good heart. Thats more important than
>dashing sexiness in the end anyways
Ahhhh Ruby, the caveat "in the end anyways" that you added at the end of your statement makes all the difference. Everyone wants someone with a good heart but they want it to be wrapped in an attractive package! The most important attribute in the beginning, the one that makes people want to know more about the heart which beats inside is the dashing sexiness. You are able to describe with meticulous attention to detail a “hot” guy that you saw today but how many “good hearts” did you see (or miss) that day?
I live in Chicago and have since become jaded of the popluation here. ;)
Actually in my adventures I did see someone give actual food to a homeless man instead of the quarters and nickels they always manage to accumulate.
You're right we all want an attractive partner including me. But to focus soley on your good looks as a means to catch and keep a partner is silly. You go to the gym everyday right? Is your purpose for working out to improve your health and appearance for you, or is it to maintain that dashing sexiness you have in order to attract women??
You can only work with what you have right?! Improvement of attitude and acceptance of who we are is my point. Like another poster pointed out earlier, looks only got that guy so far. Dumb as a brick otherwise.
Like I described in another thread, I had a good looking guy hit on me at the bar the other night. Clearly I'm not interested but he sure did try to change my mind. If he would have respected my wishes to be left alone, I could have seen a different side of him that what he was portraying. My friend I was with had another guy hit on her. Even though she started acting like an ass and treating him rudely by the end of the night, he still made sure she got a cab home and I got home safely. He didn't have to do that. He was an attractive guy but in his actions and 'heart' he proved that he was more than a pretty face. Whoever eventually lands him will be a lucky lady.
Ruby
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