Am I Just Totally Bananas?
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| Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:54pm |
Does anyone else ever feel depressed as a direct result of being single, dateless and alone?
Does anyone else feel completely comsumed with finding love, being in love, having someone to love and when you'll be loved again?
Has anyone here ever been in therapy because of this preoccupation with finding love?
Does anyone ever lose sleep at night, having crying bouts, difficulty concentrating or constantly worry about finding love?
Does anyone else have love and companionship on the brain constantly until it overshadows everything you do, think and feel? Do you spot couples everywhere and feel like everyone has someone but you?
Does anyone feel a huge void because of the lack of love in their life? If so, do you attempt to fill it with tons of activities, work, social things and new experiences in the hope of filling it, but the void remains?
Does anyone else feel like they have everything they want in life but love?
Or is this just me?
Am I completely bananas, or what???
(yes I realize I'm asking for all types of grief, but I couldn't keep that in much longer. Be gentle)

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YES to all of those -- you're not alone!
I can totally relate. Sometimes I'm more ok with it than others. Today I'm feeling very down about it. I know I'll pick myself up again, but thanksgiving is coming and every year I wonder if NEXT year I'll have someone to bring with me. So far, my record is unbroken... : (
Thanks for responding.
I feel like I may be the only person who feels like this and I've had to admit lately that I may need some outside help as well, I just haven't beenable to make that call myself. I just finished half a bottle of wine and watched Sex inthe City and I feel even worse now. Something has to give. I need to do something.
I understand how you feel. Just yesterday I was crying a river with my friend about how much I hate being single and how every person I've ever been nice to when I liked them or dated them has never worked out.
I think that I need therapy too. I even hate going to work sometimes because I am the only single person there that has always been single in the long run. Nothing sticks.
Keep your head up and I highly do suggest seeking theraphy. I am planning to go to one since my university offers 10 free sessions.
In the end, please keep yourself alive and don't give up. Something has to give and eventually the will.
I was expecting to berated with 'you need help!' and 'soemthing is wrong with you!' messages and am surprised that some people do feel this way. This has been going on for as long as I can remember and I've been trying to deal with on my own by filling my life with new things and projects and pursuits but at the then of the day, I still come home to an empty apartment, empty bed, no messages and no one special missing me, wanting me or wanting just to be near me. I just can't seem to get away from it.
So I have contacted my therapist and I'm going to mak ean appt. and get help again. I feel a bit defeated but I just have too much to do and too much going on for me to spend so much time obsessed over something I have NO control over, feeling miserable, sad or completely alone. I'm getting help.
Edited 11/16/2006 10:03 am ET by cl214
I totally do the wedding ring thing, too.
cl214
I think you expected to be berated because it is not "en vogue" as a modern woman to crave and want love and affection. I think we all still do, but it's perceived as so uncool to admit that.
Admitting loneliness and longing is deemed by some as admitting weakness or dependence. I don't agree with that at all. I believe that people are pack animals and we all need people - from friends and family to that one special partner. You can long for love without being a codependent.
So, yes, I feel this way as well. I don't feel consumed by it, and I don't let it control my life, but I often wake up and think, "Oh yeah, I am still alone. Crud!" After seing single for so long, it seems like I might never connect with someone on a meaningful level again.
Counseling can help a lot. I went after my terrible break up a couple of years ago, and it really help me put relationships and my view of love in perspective. I think it's great that you've decided to do that. It's just nice to have an objective third party help you name and deal with all those feelings you've been having for so long.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Thanks tallgirl. I also entered couneling a few years ago after my painful breakup. I stopped in February because I was feeling so much better but I still feel like I am dealing with residual issues. In 2004, I lost 2 of the greatest sources of love and they loss of both these people (my ex and my father) has created this huge void and hole in my life that I thought I could fill with other things. But the pain is still there, the void continues and I can't do this alone.
I have often heard that if you feel you need someone to love, that you are co-dependent, lacking within yourself, pathetic and you need to love yourself first. This makes it harder to open up to people, and I just find myself supressing it more and more until I'm ready to burst.
Thanks for the understanding.
Just wanted to give you a cyber hug. Yes, I've felt those things, maybe not to that degree but the feelings have been there. And yes, I've sought counseling, in order to (among other things) get over my need to make relationships that were not good for me work at all costs because I didn't want to be alone. It did help tremendously in that and other respects--but I don't know if any therapy will ever help me make peace with the possibility that I will always be single (which at 48 is a real possibility, esp. given the fact that I now would have a really hard time settling for an unhealthy and/or unsatisfying relationship).
I'm glad you've made the decision to see a therapist, I think you'll find it is helpful.
Did things end with the guy you were seeing? I apologize if I missed that.
Sheri
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