Am I Just Totally Bananas?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Am I Just Totally Bananas?
41
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:54pm

Does anyone else ever feel depressed as a direct result of being single, dateless and alone?

Does anyone else feel completely comsumed with finding love, being in love, having someone to love and when you'll be loved again?

Has anyone here ever been in therapy because of this preoccupation with finding love?

Does anyone ever lose sleep at night, having crying bouts, difficulty concentrating or constantly worry about finding love?

Does anyone else have love and companionship on the brain constantly until it overshadows everything you do, think and feel? Do you spot couples everywhere and feel like everyone has someone but you?

Does anyone feel a huge void because of the lack of love in their life? If so, do you attempt to fill it with tons of activities, work, social things and new experiences in the hope of filling it, but the void remains?

Does anyone else feel like they have everything they want in life but love?

Or is this just me?

Am I completely bananas, or what???

(yes I realize I'm asking for all types of grief, but I couldn't keep that in much longer. Be gentle)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:00pm

You're right on the money. Many times we as a society look for a partner who's making money, has fancy degrees and drive nice cars and live in great big homes. That's not important to me and it never has been.

What's important to me is what you just described. How he was raised, can he take care of himself, is he good with managing money, is he a good caring person? All of those things are what I look for in a mate. Let's not forget sincerity and honesty. I hope things work out for everyone here who's looking for that right match. I also hope, biochic, that this guy is everything you want and you have a lasting relationship!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:02pm

"Cl214, you might want to look for men who just have a kind, caring nature because that's how they were brought up to be by their parents."

Oh I definitely do and the guy I'm seeing now is the most kind, considerate and sensitive guy I've ever met. After 8 months of dating, he still calls and shyly asks if I want to see him and hopes he's not "bothering" me. But he isn't without his personal issues.

But just like anything else the ones that start out kind and sensitive don't always stay that way and at other times, we just can't find what we are looking for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:15pm
It's true even the kind/sensitive type have their personal issues. In fact maybe they might have more because the more sensitive they are the more they let things get to them and affect them. This might be something I will be dealing with with my new man too is when he gets down he might get real down about things because of being ultra-sensitive. So I guess you have to take the good with the bad with people.
Maybe your guy is just going through one of his ultra-sensitive times and hopefully will snap out of it soon. Could just be a phase or a moment. You never know huh??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:22pm

Yes, he is definitely "ultra-sensitive" but its kinda refreshing for once to not be dealing with a guy with a big ego and who makes me feel like I'm just one of a dozen girls after him.

But I don't anticipate that this will be a lasting relationship. He has much to overcome and I think there is a good chance he'll relocate to LA next year as he's been thinking about it (he's a musician), so I'm trying to just enjoy him while I have him and not get too attached (though I already am to an extent). I just hope we continue to have fun until we get to that crossroad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 2:52pm
I do think that having the ulta-sensitive type is better than having the EU type even though there are some downsides to the ulta-sensitive type. At least you know that they will express to you how they feel about you and you won't feel like you are unimportant. I'm still adjusting to having someone who is so into me that he says it all the time and sometimes I'm thinking "sweetie can you tone it down a little". I'm into him and attracted to him as well so it doesn't really bother me too much but sometimes I just want to say to him that he should believe that he has me in his life and I'm not going anywhere instead of saying all the time that he can't believe it so we can talk about other things lol. He makes me feel great though and he's such a cutie.
That is tough with your man going to LA and going through his own stuff. That can be detrimental to a relationship if someone is moving and dealing with things at the moment that another person can't really help with. Did you guys talk about the future after he moves and what you guys will do at that point in time?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:03pm

"Did you guys talk about the future after he moves and what you guys will do at that point in time?"

No, we're really not that serious. In fact, I don't even call him 'my man' or 'boyfriend' even though we've agreed to date exclusively. What we agreed on was exclusivity and to just enjoy each other and not worry about down the line, but we've never gotten into titles or anything. We don't discuss the future or anything on that level. Its more like casual dating but exclusively. Bascially, though we're only seeing each other, it is still in the casual stage and probably won't go much further.

If he does leave, that will be the end of our relationship and hopefully we can remain friends as we have many mutual friends and associates.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:25pm
Is that something that YOU are ok with, being exclusive but not being boyfriend and girlfriend? I know that you have expressed wanting a serious relationship and how important that is to you in your previous posts. Sometimes we can say that we are ok with something casual but other times we are kidding ourselves that we are ok with it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:31pm

Well, the thing is we never said we weren't, I just haven't heard him use the term so I haven't either. His friends all consider me his girl and so does he.

I actually am fine with the arrangement, it was more important to me that we were exclusive and only seeing each other as things got physical, then intimate. Sure, I'd love to be in a serious relationship but for right now, he is providing fun and companionship in the meantime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:43pm
I understand where you're coming from. Just don't get too wrapped up/emotionally involved. See it for what it is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 3:54pm
That's good as long as you are ok with the way things are going and the arrangement. If you are happy and he makes you happy even without the title then that's most important. I always tell my friends and people on the board to never settle for less than what you want or deserve and make sure that you are fully happy with things, because sometimes we women tend to go for less than what we actually deserve rather than be single KWIM.