Am I old??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Am I old??
17
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 10:44am

Ok. This ties in with Shy's self-esteem post. I had replied to that yesterday, saying I don't let others' opinions of me affect my self esteem...

Then, I went to the gym last night -- a place where I usually feel great about myself, energized and sexy. One of the personal trainers came up to chat with me about getting a free assessment done. He then said, "You're about my age, right? 34?"

I'm 31, and his comment sort of crushed me because people generally guess younger than they think you look. I thought: Do I really look like I'm in my mid- to late 30s?!? Ugh.

It took me all night to get over the blue mood that one comment caused. I have been struggling a lot lately with accepting my age and not getting too hung up on the "I'm-31-and-never-married" attitude. I'm starting to feel like it's getting late for me. I hate admitting that, because I know it's not necessarily too late, but we all have our irrational sides.

Isn't it amazing how the one issue that bothers each of us (age, weight, looks, etc.) seems to be the issue that comes up from external sources all the time? It's like a test every time someone makes a comment like that.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 2:39pm
No you're not old, 31 is young. These days anyone under 40 looks like they could still be in college. You're still young and he was only 3 years off and I dont even think 34 is old either. I am 23 and find women in their early 30's more attractive then girls my age. So dont worry about stuff like that, you're too good of a person to let petty stuff like that get to you, just rise above it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 3:20pm

My brother is 26, but lately, people have been guessing his age as 34.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 7:07pm

To everyone that said 34 is young, I totally agree. However, as a woman, every year closer to the magic age of 35 is a big leap mentally. For some reason, the media has portrayed 35 as the age after which: you can't find a husband to save your life, you have more trouble getting pregnant, if you do get pregnant your risks of birth defects are higher, etc., etc.

So, I guess that's the reason the number itself bothered me. That combined with my male friend telling me the other day, "You know, TG, 80% of women are married before 30" -- as if I were really past it in his eyes. He's 35. So, how many men are married before 30??

Stacey - you're right. People are doing things later in life. I know I still have a chance to have all those things in my life. It would just be nice to have those things later in life, but still LOOK 27 or so. ;)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 8:33pm

<< I know I still have a chance to have all those things in my life. It would just be nice to have those things later in life, but still LOOK 27 or so. ;) >>

Well, but if you really so strongly want to find somebody, surely you can if you try? I can also sometimes complain that I don't find anybody, but frankly, I am not really looking very actively, and for some mysterious reason I always just get too busy with work and other stuff when some potential dating situation comes up. But if one truly and strongly wants, surely she can find somebody suitable? Just a question, not an opinion...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 8:53pm

PMFJI, but that sure hasn't been my experience! Wanting a relationship and actively seeking one do not, by themselves, guarantee success. We had a recent thread that Shy started a few weeks ago about whether you could find someone who was right for you within a certain amount of time if you really tried, and my response was no, it's not solely within your control. It takes a bit of luck or serendipity, in addition to effort, and that part isn't within one's control. IMO, that's at least one reason why there are so many wonderful people in the world who don't find mates.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Thu, 07-06-2006 - 9:22pm

<< It takes a bit of luck or serendipity, in addition to effort, and that part isn't within one's control. >>

Yes, that may be true. I will try to look up that thread too, sounds interesting. But I think that if the OP strongly feels that she wants to find a partner, it could also be a sign for her to be more actively looking for dates, doing OLD and speed dating, and so on (if she not doing it already, of course). So in this sense, it may be a good sign that she clearly knows what she wants at this point in her life, in terms of dating and relationships.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 07-07-2006 - 11:19am

I get plenty of dates - just not always with the kind of guys I'm looking for. In fact, I have a happy hour date tonight with someone I "met" on MySpace.

I definitely want to find someone - but the right someone. What's a challenge for me sometimes is that I came out of a 5-year relationship (we broke up almost two years ago) with someone I truly loved and could see myself with for the long haul. I fully expected to be married to him now and onto the next phase of my life - so I have had to reset my expectations about my life and future. That said, I know he was not the right person for me in the end - and that I am better off waiting for the right one.

During the past two years, I have had a really open mind when it comes to dating. I've done OLD, speed dating, accepted blind date fix-ups from friends, met men at parties, joined social groups, etc. So, I am out there and I am trying. In that time, I have had one fairly serious relationship that lasted four months and two other short-lived ones.

I guess the point to my post was more that all of us have our insecurities and they pop up and random moments. For me it's age, although I really am still relatively young. I'm now at the age when my mom had me, and I'm the youngest of three -- so it made me think more about how time is marching on and I have to go with it. :)

The trick is learning how to cope with those insecurities, overcome them and move on with confidence anyway. I have my bad days (or weeks), but I eventually get back to my normal level of confidence and get back out there.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

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