Am I the only one struggling financially

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Am I the only one struggling financially
4
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 5:59pm

I'm 37 and started my life after my divorce by moving to the US via Mexico and am originally from the UK. I moved here just under 6 years ago, and I keep reading in all of these threads how much better off we are by being single, because we have all this freedom to do what we want and spend how we want.

My goal when I moved here was to buy a condo to live in and as an investment property. I bought my home 4 years ago and have needed to do a lot of work to the place, which I knew would happen. Now it is in desperate need of a new kitchen and I refuse to refinance as I did that 2 years ago to help get some repairs completed on the home. They interest rate is great and fixed, so I won't dip into there. The condo is 20 years old with the original kitchen that was water damaged - so it's beyond even refacing. My oven died over a year ago, so no dinner parties at my house. I don't even own a grill!

I have a college degree, speak another language and have a decent enough job, and make okay-ish money but I feel that all I ever do is pay bills and it doesn't leave a lot for fun. Most of the time I say 'no' to going out with my friends because the mortgage is due that week.

In the last 2 weeks, I have paid 6 months car insurance, car property tax, plus nearly $200 in vet bills. My dog also has his annual check up this month. I make sure he has all he needs even if it means me going without.

I guess I wonder how other women on this board are always able to talk about how free they feel when all I feel is trapped by making a wise financial decision 4 years ago. I wouldn't be able to buy a home as a single woman in my area now, prices are astronomical. Hence my mortgage going up $100 a month in the last 2 years for property tax. I did have a roommate before, but the condo isn't really large enough to accomodate a roommate who isn't your 'bedmate'. So it's not an idea to put money in pocket.

I guess my question is how can I feel less inferior as a single-woman to other single women who are obviously doing much better financially than I?

Not only do I beat myself up for my failed marriage, being too free in my 20's and travelling the world and not fully concentrating on a career, only to land myself in my 30's feeling not only inferior to every married person, but to single people who actually have money to enjoy being single with?

Does anyone else feel this way or am I the only big loser here?

Beach

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 6:12pm

I was looking into buying a townhome a few months ago, but decided against it because I wasn't sure I could afford it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 6:25pm

I think a lot more people (single and married) struggle financially than you might realize. Sure, they have the new car and all the fancy stuff, but did they go into major debt to get those things? Yes, in a lot of cases. I think the average personal credit card debt in the U.S. is $8,000. I have two sets of friends currently selling their homes -- they need to downsize because they can't afford their mortgages anymore. In one case, the guy makes an incredible salary - but they were still living above their means.

So, I say you are doing really well: You have a home (a great investment); you made a smart mortgage move by choosing a low, fixed rate; you are putting off a kitchen remodel until you can afford it (me too, my dog chewed my cabinets and they need to be replaced, but I can't afford it right now); you take great care of your dog; you are being responsible by paying your insurance and other bills.

From a personal standpoint, I definitely have moments when I struggle. Last month, I had to buy a new-to-me used car because my old one died. That extra money for a car payment stretches my budget pretty thin, so now I am really careful about extra expenditures like eating out a lot, etc.

Bottom line, I don't think you are worse off than most people. Take pride in all you have accomplished, and try not to compare yourself to the single girl down the street. Things are not always what they appear, and she may be struggling as much as you. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 1:20pm

>>I guess it's all about how you prioritize. If I didn't like shopping, I could have a lot more saved and make a bigger down payment on a townhome. But I also don't like wearing clothes that are worn out, too big, or way out of style.

GOOD point! I usually spend a little more money than I probably should on going out, but I'm young and I sort of feel entitled to it, haha. :) Plus I'm just happier when I socialize at least once a weekend, usually more. Some of my friends skimp on going out and go on vacations or what have you instead, but I'm happy with things the way they are.

My problem (one of them) is that my hometown and where I live now has a HIGH cost of living and there isn't a whole lot I actually want to do (I work in fundraising/development now but don't think I want to stay in it in the future) that'll make me any sort of money. My main priority is being happy with my job, though. I have a degree in art history and have worked for non-profits for the last five years. It's a noble cause, but I'm poor! :) I was going to go on, but I might just post another thread instead of highjacking yours...

Anyway, there are loads of people in the same boat, I think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 6:31pm

Thanks for all of your feedback. I guess it is all a matter of priorities. In my 20's travel and adventure were my priorities. I lived in Mexico for most of my 20's and a little into my early 30's, mixed-in with living in London. 7 years living in Mexico altogether.

My priorty then was lots of travelling. I would just take off to Acapulco for the weekend and not think twice about it. I did see a lot of different places and countries during those years. I also loved clothes and going out to eat at very fancy restaurants and going to nightclubs. Apart from being married (ugh!) I had a wonderful time with my friends. My ex-h was thankfully absent on every level except financially.

Now in my late 30's it kills me to spend money going out, since that money I look at now as a home repair, something new for my home, money in the retirement fund or new clothes for work - yikes!

Don't get me wrong - I want to go out but not if it jeopardizes making my bills on time, which it currently would.

It's a double-edge sword. I don't want to think others are having such a tough time financially, but it is also comforting to know I am not alone.

I just wish I could afford a vacation to somewhere, but I am thankful I live only a mile from the oceanfront. So at least I live in a resort city, but it is a tacky resort city with some seriously odd tourists who visit.

I am with you on the high cost of living. My property tax on the condo has gone up $100 a month in the last 2 years. That's an extra $1200 a year that now goes to the City that I wasn't having to give before. That's the vacation. That's more than I spend on clothes in a year.

I would love to splurge on a cool pair of designer jeans, but no I need to get flea meds for my dog and cat and they are a priority. Sheesh! I could go on forever, but I won't!

Beach