Am I seeing this clearly?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2007
Am I seeing this clearly?
8
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 3:15am
Ok so I am 17 and I have been working at this job for almost a year now and I have became close with one of the managers who which I should say is married with children and is about 20 years older than me. Well anyways me and this guy have got really close and he shows concern about me and that his life is better with me. Let me explain ok so about 3 months ago we started texting eachother kinda wierd if you think about it but to me it really isn't. So we talk on a daily basis, and he tells me about everything that is going on in his life, and some people don't take us talking outside of work really well(considering I'm the only female employee that he texts outside of work) so they like to think we have something going on. But not true. See this guy wants me to be safe when I walk home from work at night he's alwys saying to me be careful, and on his way home from work one night he texted me wanting to know if I got home ok, because he had seen some police on a bridge on my way home. Is that being father-like or more. Or I burned myself at work one day and I asked him if we had any stuff for burns and he said "yeah we do, are you ok?" in a really sweet voice, again is that father-like or more. I confuse myself. I think I just might be young and niave. He shows concern for ma a lot lately like he said he would have had a better day at work if I was workin, or when he left work he said he ws kinda bumed I worked later because then he doesn't get to see my smiley face. I know I shouldn't be lookin into this because it probably is nothing, but he is always giving me crap about whenever we work we don't just talk we "Flirt" or that's what some people like to call it, and he always has to talk to me in front of people that think don't like us talking together I think he does it to make her jealous. And this one time I had like a mental breakdown with work stuff he was there for me to talk to, he told me he would always be there to listen, the same conversation I felt like nobody would notice if I died and I told him that and he said "I would notice, and cry" it was such a nice thing to say. But he always makes an effort to talk to me while we're workin and always throws jokes at me or about me, they're funny and I don't get offended. And he once told me that he wanted his daughters to grow up and be just like me. It's a really sweet thing to say, and I guess from some of his friends he gives me a "look" like I like you look. But please help me figure this out does he like me or is he just acting like a dad in some way, I'm more confused every single day I talk with him.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 6:27am

Hi loveme,

In the world of work, occassionally there will be flirtations between co-workers. I think it's inevitable when you have men and women working together. Usually it's pretty harmless, but not always. I think many affairs between married people begin at the office.

The fact that you are concerned about this situation and that other co-workers are noticing and not approving tells me that this is very likely a flirtation and not father-daughter. My short answer: stick to business and put an end to this. I would say the same thing to the man.

The fact that he is so much older than you--and married--makes the level of intimacy inappropriate. Do you have other people in your life outside of work you can talk to about suicidal thoughts? What about your own parents? Do you still live at home?

You are so young--at 17, I think you're still pretty naive (I know I was at 17). I don't necessarily think this man at work will try to act on these flirtations, but keep in mind he is much older and much more experienced than you.

You can still be cordial with this man, but get back to business.

Take care.--FG

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 2:20pm

As an older man (53), I agree with floridagirl's advice.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2005
Wed, 07-04-2007 - 4:43pm

hey loveme,

Yeah, I will have to agree with what's been said above. I feel like if other people are noticing this and are uncomfortable with the whole situation, its more than a fatherly love going on here. Also think about it. If you have to come on and ask other people advice on this, its kinda obvious you already know the answer. What I would do is tell him to stop making "comments" about you and that you don't feel like it is appropriate to do so at that time. He is going to be shock by this sudden reaction and my get pissed off but its something you have to do. You have to be the one to say enough is enough. Its also sounds like you like this attention so it may be hard for you to approach him about this, but if you don't stop it now, its not going to get any better. The two of you are only going to become more attached to one other and can lead to someone losing there job and a lot other sever consequences. And as a manager, he needs to know where to draw the line between a friendly employee and a flirtatious employee.

Good luck with everything,

Reese

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 8:56am

I get the feeling from this post you like the attention from this man and I get the feeling from him it's more than fatherly advice and he may be setting it up for more than "friendship". You may be treading into dangerous territory. Remember that on the other side of this scenario is a wife and a family (kids). While you may like the attention being paid to you and it's flattering and it feels good at your age for a man to pay attention to you it is very much inappropriate as the others have stated.

I feel like this man may be preying on you because you are a little bit vulnerable. So be very careful here. Be very wary of getting tangled up in a situation that you don't need to be a part of. It may seem flattering and glamorous to have a an older man flirting with you but there is nothing glamorous about this type of scandal. It hurts a lot of people, you especially.

I think you should try and keep your distance from this man, try not to be alone with him and not go out back with him alone during breaks. Stay away. Don't get caught up in the rumor mill with him. Don't allow him to suck you into his web, he already thinks you are a naive young girl and you are smarter than that I suspect.

Don't start your working career out this way. Good luck to you. And please if you are truly having suicidal thoughts, please seek professional help.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 9:35am

You may be treading into dangerous territory. Remember that on the other side of this scenario is a wife and a family (kids).
****************************

If I did my math right this guy is 37 . . . a second the advice. Do not be alone with him at all, ever. Stop answering his text messages. I think it is clear he is playing with fire. If you are not careful she is right, a lot of people get hurt, including you. Keep you interactions with him public, it will help restrict his behavior.

Second, as a manager he is way over the line, as a man his age hitting on a young woman like you, again way over the line, as a married man and father he is way way way over the line . . . I am not seeing just red flags, but hearing AIR RAID sirens. (-: . . he may make you feel good, but experience tells me this guy is a bucket full of heart break. Be very very careful.

Good luck, stay happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 10:09am
I know reading it just gave me the creeps, I totally saw him "grooming" her. Gave me the chill up my back.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 11:00am

Yep, how do you spell pedophile? lol Kind of wander if he hangs out at the Jr High looking for dates too . .. and he has daughters . . .scary man.

To the OP . . .I know you might not feel like our reaction is correct . . . and it is not how we are seeing you . .. it is however how any adult will see him. These guys do in fact prey on your lack of experience. Be really careful with this guy. If the job is no big deal, it might even be wise to find a new one. (How much do you feel, should you remove yourself?)
However, I tend to believe these guys will be around wherever you go, so learn to recognize them and keep them at arms length and in check. (-: Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be alone with him, period. Not for any reason, not for any length of time, not at work, not outside of work. Not for a moment. Doors open at all time's at work. A bucket FULL of heart break. (-:

Hold out for the good guys in your own age group . .. it is a lot more fun discovering life with someone . . .heart breaks, stubbed toes and all . . . than just being used and taken advantage of by some old predator . . .it leaves you jaded. There are some smart girls on this board . . . keep talking to them .. it will help.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 9:17pm

When I was 16, I started a fast food job where I was immediately warned about the manager.