Am I too romantic?
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| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 4:59pm |
So in my constant quest for relationship answers, I thought I'd pose another question. I have always had kind of a belief that if you really love someone, sort of some type of emotional or physical abuse, you stay with them no matter what, you forgive them no matter what and do not just move easily on to the next person. The only man I've ever loved and who I thought loved me devestated me, b/c when I needed time to take a break and see other people, he basically said "screw you" and moved on. I know many say that they would do the same in his position...but to me, if you really love someone, you give them the time they need to figure out their sh*t. To me, if you really love someone, you don't let your pride or your ego take the place of being with them b/c you miss them too much. If you really love them, you recognize that not all people realize who the "one" is for them at the exact same time their SO figures it and one of you may need more time than you or may need to date more people to figure it out. (Hence the popular saying "if you truly love someone let them go, and if they are really yours they will come back to you" seems based on tht whole idea) Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying my ex should have taken me back automatically--I think I should have had to prove I wouldn't do it again and earned his trust, but I also believe if he really loved me, he would talk about it with me and give me a chance to earn back that trust.
I also believe if you true love is very rare--that if you truly loves someone they are one of the people that you can imagine spending your life with and want to be with. That even if they leave you, if you truly love them, you still think of them often and that makes you happy--that you miss them in your lives and don't just find it easy to move on and marry someone else. I still miss my ex after 5 years, and I still can't imagine being with anyone else since to me, he was my soul mate. I feel if he loved me, he'd have felt the same way and wouldn't have been able to be with someone else. Yet everyone else in this world seems to move on and find someone else they love very quickly--within a year or two.
Many people have of course told me I'm just too "romantic" and that's what i'm looking for isn't realistic--but if it isn't realistic why does the idea of this type of love pervade society? People must at some level believe in or want this type of love since it is this type of love that fills movies, fairy tales and romance novels. Also people commonly talk of finding the "one" or their SO being the "one". We all search for the "one" person we say we love more than anyone else--and we all want to be made to feel like the "one" by our SO. During wedding vows we pledge to love only one another till death do us part. And occasionally you hear of this type of love--people who couldn't forget each other no matter how much time passed or what happened between them (Charles and Camilla is a good example). So if its really unrealistic to think that way, why is it so pervasive in society and in our dialogue of love? Seems like everyone wants this type of love, but fails to practice it in reality.
I'd really like to think someday I'd find someone who doesn't want to live without me--who finds me so special he can forgive me my wrongs b/c the alternative--being without me, is too awful. Who doesn't find it easy to fall in love with someone else. Who cares about my happiness more than his own. Who, even if something happened to tear us apart, would think of me for years, and jump at the chance to get back together if we were ever in contact again. I know i certainly feel that way about my ex (I would do anything to be with him and even after all this time can't imagine being wtih anyone else)--so its possible for at least one person to feel this way. So am I the only one??? Am I just too romantic to expect/want someone to feel this way about me? Does this love not exist? That they will keep coming back to me and giving me chances, forgiving me (short of evidence I have actual malicious motives) simply because they can't see themselves with anyone else? Does this type of love exist or is it really just a fairy tale? Is it really just unrealistic to expect to find someone who loves me so much they will want to be with me and not anyone else no matter what happens?

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I agree with you on how each of us need to take responsibility for our actions. In any relationship we each play a part in it. The blame mentality is rampant in our society, from governments down to interpersonal relationships.
Insofar as whether you are too "romantic" or how to deal with a former partner that has left you, I see that as a personal choice and definition.
I believe first in foremost that I need to love myself in order to love others. However, how each of us defines what "love" is, what it looks like, what it means, how it behaves, etc. is subject to debate and interpretation. We each have our own personal definition and hence there is a lot of miscommunication and misunderstanding between lovers when we assume that they are thinking the same way.
Mark
I also quickly wanted to add to my previous post.
I would never get back together with someone who told me "they didn't know if they loved me or not and wanted to date around."
To HECK with that. Here's the way I see it - if it was that easy for you to walk away, what's going to stop you again if I forgive you? That gives you Carte Blanche to do anything you want to me.
I am with Luvmycurves on this one all the way. It's YOUR choice to walk away, and it's MY choice to not let you ever come back.
You are missing the point that love is not this all-powerful thing that conquers all.
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