Am I weird??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Am I weird??
8
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:10am
Good day all!!
I've been fine with being single for the past 9 months. I tried out a relationship, a long distance relationship; however, it just didn't work out. So, after a brief three month "relationship", I'm back to being a single woman. Here's the thing: I've been dating and talking to a few guys. It's been kinda fun, though I'm not really into casual dating. Here's the kicker: one guy said to me: "so...why aren't you married? You're gorgeous, successful, and have a great personality..so, how could you not be married?" Needless to say, I was stumped. I was flattered and a bit embarrassed at the same time. I guess my question is this: is there something weird about a 27 year old woman with good qualities being completely single, without any prospects?? I know that the guy wasn't trying to be insulting. He was just asking a question that he felt was valid. Why aren't I married, or even close to it?? Maybe it's something I'm doing wrong. I haven't been in many relationships; however, none of them lasted. Of the few guys that I've been "seeing", I can't really picture myself with any of them long term. Maybe my standards are too high; I don't know.
Has any one out there ever questioned this before? Anyone ever ask you this question, as though you're an alien from another planet??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:16am

I think we've al been asked this question at least 3 times. I know I hear it all the time and it has forced me to take a look at my dating history, actions and options. I can't pinpoint any one thing that has kept me from finding a great match but dozens of variable situations that have kept from me it.

No, there isn't anything werid with being 27 (28 for me), single or not having any dating prospects but when you are attractive, successful and intelligent, people sort of assume that you should have men beating down your door. It just isn't reality. I try not to worry about it much. Though I have to admit, I worry about it all the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:39am
It's wrong to think that you are doing something wrong just because you aren't married. I know people that have been married and divorced at your age and younger. There is nothing wrong with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:07am

UGH. The "why aren't you married?" question is a loaded one, in my experience. I've had people ask me this as well, and I found it flattering at first. Then, I realized a lot of guys ask it to figure out what's "wrong" with you.

There's nothing wrong with you. You're not weird. It's a fact of life that many people get married later these days because of school, career, etc - not to mention relationships that don't work out. There are a ton of us out there who are still single - yet are still great catches.

This question now strikes me as incredibly rude - and it's really not the business of a stranger why you're not married.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 2:22pm
That question really bugs me big time because like Tallgirl said it's not an appropriate question to ask a stranger. Maybe on a date if someone is trying to figure out your past history but honestly you shouldn't be trying to figure out someone's complete dating history on a first date anyway. I've had some men make me feel like I was a bug under a microscope trying to figure me out. I usually just tell people that I haven't found the right one andI wanted to make sure that I was a whole and happy person on my own before choosing a life-long mate. Unlike a lot of people I refuse to settle and would rather be alone than unhappy with the wrong person and they usually shut up after that. It really is none of anyone's business and why would people care anyway. It seems as if the people that are coupled off care more about our status than we do. I dont' feel as if something is wrong with me. It's simply that I just haven't found the right one.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 4:00pm

So I question the premise that people need to be married in order to be "complete." I also question that you need to be good looking, have a great personality, or successful to be marriage material.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 4:17pm

I get this question all the time too. For one thing i think 28 is still quite young to be married (i am 23 right now and i cam inagine by 28 i'll be finishing up law school, studying for the bar exam and hopefully either articling at a law firm or starting my first year as a full on lawyer). I am in no rush to get married at all and i don't feel the need go out and find some guy to marry just because all of my friends are doing it.

I am a successful, confident, attractive, funny, nice, sweet female and i have to say that i am definately NOT beating them off with a broom handle. I am lucky if i get a guy to look at me (no one can figure it out and they chalk it up to me being intimidating). Most of the guys that ahve shown some sort of interest in me aren't my type (and really they aren't, they are usually really creepy guys with drugs problems or guys that have no tact when it coems to talking to me). I am better then that and i'll wait it out to find the one that is best for me.

That isn't to say that i don't feel bad sometimes when seem like men aren't interested in me. It does bother me that i haven't had any date proposals for a decent guy let alone marriage proposals :P.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: mali2579
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 6:39pm
I definately believe being married or being marriage material has nothing to do with looks, success, personality etc etc because I think I have all those things as well but I'm almost 31 and not married or no boyfriend either. I believe a lot of it is due to circumstance, luck of the draw etc etc. Sometimes people are more selective than others but I truley believe that those people that have truley found the one and know it in their hearts are very lucky because I haven't had that luck yet in my life but I also have a lot of beautiful, successful, single friends as well with great personalities that haven't had that kind of luck either. I think I"ll be fine if I don't find the one in my life though. I probably will feel like I missed out in some way but I will make the best of my life without that person if I have to and I will set out to accomplish other things in my life, but realistically I believe that some time in my life I will find that one for me and hopefully it will be soon :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
In reply to: mali2579
Thu, 09-07-2006 - 9:16am

I'm 28 and the same way, I've had guys ask me why I'm not married, etc., but I'm picky. I know I am, I don't have unrealistic or very high standards, and I'm not really into casual dating either. I'm ready to meet that person to settle down with and have a serious, committed relationship. So when people ask me that, I simply tell them that I haven't met anyone that strikes my fancy. And it's true. I've dated a few guys here and there, but it's never turned into anything serious, it gets me bummed out sometimes, but then I look at all of my other friends, in dead end relationships or jumping from guy to guy, and frankly, I'd rather be single!

Don't worry about it, and just be glad you're not out there with a bunch of losers.

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