amount of contact?
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amount of contact?
| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:45am |
Let's say you've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks. He tells you he likes you, things seem good when you're together, but on the phone he seems sort of distant and says he's not a phone person. How often should you expect to hear from him? If he really likes you, do you expect daily contact this soon (let's say he has your e-mail address or could text message you). Or is it normal to not have daily contact with someoen you've only known a few weeks? I cant decide...

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I'm seeing a guy like that. Its been over 3 months and we still don't talk on the phone much. He says he's not a phone person and it shows as he's kinda quiet over the phone but in person, he actually talks quite a bit, shows me lots of attention and affection and treats me well. So I've learned that I can't expect every guy to act the same and that I have to adapt a little for them.
As long as we're in touch at some point during the week and get together often (right now we're averaging weekly for the past 2 months), then I'm trying not to sweat it. I'd say the same for you.
I think you have nothing to worry about and this relationship is progressing as it should.
There is no set rule as to how much contact one should have at the beginning of a relationship as everyone is different.
I have had blokes in the past who have just sent me the odd text during the week in between dates. I dated one guy who wouldnt contact me at all during the week but would call at the weekend on the day of our date. And then the guy im with now, we have been in touch every day since we met over a year ago either by phone, email or text though we always saw each other most nights anyway.
A lot of people do not like to use the phone so just accept that you are with one of those people and carry on as you are.
"If he really likes you, do you expect daily contact this soon"
One piece of advice, never expect anything in a relationship and you will avoid a lot of disappointment. My problem is I expect people to behave exactly as I would and many of them inevitably don't. Its taking me many years to accept this and boy, its so much easier now I have.
well i do kind of wonder if my behavior has scared him off, here is what happened.
On friday he told me there was something i said on the phone 2 days before that scared him. When he said this he seemed amused, it didnt seem to be a huge deal. I asked what it was but he couldnt remember. I couldnt recall what i could have said, because i'm pretty careful about this stuff. At one point i did remember asking, did you miss me lots and lots (he'd been away) but i was KIDDING! I remember laughing when i said it...he is a jokester himself so i thought it was funny. It's just weird to me some of the questions he's asked me, but he seems all business if i ask anything out of the oridinary.
After our date Friday he told me to call him-kind of annoying as id prefer him to call. I didnt really know WHEN he'd want to hear from me, you know? So probably stupid, but i texted him the next night (sat) at about 11 after i got in from out with friends. He told me to call him, i did. He mentioned he went kyaking sat evening. I asked with who and he said, my friend Jen. Immediately i felt curious as to who she was. I asked, oh are you two dating? Somewhat jokingly i said it. He just said, no we are not then mentioned i was getting 'all jealous' on him. I didnt feel that i was jealous, i was curious if he had another date lined up with someone directly after his date with me. He said, well i dont know that you should be jealous or that you have a right to be. So the fact that he said i dont have a right to be jealous if he had a date with someone else...basically means that he and i are not exclusive. Again i wouldnt expect to be after 2 weeks...
in the same phone conversation i mentioned i was going to wach the world cup the next day, he said it sounded fun, i invited him, he said maybe and to call him in the AM. i did. Long story short, he ended up not coming, left me vm saying he wouldnt make it, but to call to 'let him know?' I called that night, we didnt talk long. this was actually the time that he said he wished he was better at talkign on the phone, but he's not, blah, blah. So when we hung up he said, i guess i'll talk to you later. He had asked what my plans were for the week, but he didnt ask me out...i realize it was only sunday...
I dont know what he's thinking...i feel like, oops did i scare him...but at the same time he has asked a lot of questions of me, my past, what kind of guy i want to marry, has expressed to me he's worried about finding the one. I didnt think i was totally unreasonable in things i said. We have been pretty intimate (i slept over friday night) but we havent had sex. So again i feel like his behavior is a little cold on the phone considering how different he is when we're together...i honestly feel like maybe he isnt very interested in me...maybe he just wants to hook up. I asked him friday if he is just looking to get laid. He looked at me like i was crazy and just said, i dont think i've been pushing for anything have I? i just said no, because he really hasnt i suppose. He also asked me friday night at dinner what i thought we were...i said something like i guess we're dating since we've gone ona few dates..i sort of wish we talked more about it...but we didnt. So now who knows...but i am not calling him again since i called him last.
After two weeks?
I would expect to hear from him once or twice a week, to set up our dates. I would not expect (or want!) daily phone calls, that's for sure!
Sheri
I'm glad this topic came up again because I was so worried about the same thing I swear 5 days ago, then calmed down again. Everyone's responses are making me feel like this is more normal.
In my past relationship, I spoke withmy ex several times a day. He'd call when anything popped in his head and I got real used to that and that amount of contact so it feels weird for me to not hear from a guy for days. But I am getting more acclimated to it and glad its not that unusual.
I do prefer daily contact. I like to know what's going on in his life, but for now, I can live with this.
Honest opinion? You are pursuing this man and not the other way round. He does not seem very keen, he is not initiating contact, he is very likely dating others; he hasn't 'clicked' with you.
In UK where I am from there is no such thing as 'dating others' and 'exclusivity talk' - if you start dating someone exclusivity is pretty much assumed from the very start; if there is talk about you 'not having the right to be jealous' and 'dates with Janes' in this country this simply means 'I don't feel IT with you'; to me, UK or US, say whatever you want, if the two people CLICK there is simply no need to date others; it would be almost impossible, man or woman. Two weeks is enought to know, in my opinion.
My bf and I have been going out for coming up to 2.5 years now; in all of this time, I phoned him 'just to talk', without a specific need for the call, maybe.. 5-6 times, if that. I didn't need to, he never expected me to, he was doing all the pursuing, initiating all contact and is still doing it 2.5 years later. I RESPOND to his calls, emails and texts. 2006 or 1956, that is how it should be.
Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear.
Edited 7/13/2006 8:12 am ET by twinsister70
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