amount of contact?
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amount of contact?
| Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:45am |
Let's say you've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks. He tells you he likes you, things seem good when you're together, but on the phone he seems sort of distant and says he's not a phone person. How often should you expect to hear from him? If he really likes you, do you expect daily contact this soon (let's say he has your e-mail address or could text message you). Or is it normal to not have daily contact with someoen you've only known a few weeks? I cant decide...

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yeah I'm getting sort of annoyed with this situation...not sure i should be though? We exchanged a few e-mails yesterday. He asked what i was up to for the rest of the week, i told him, asked him the same, he answered. Said he might go golfing this weekend but too soon to make decisions. I asked where he would go, said he didnt know. He then said he wouldnt mind driving down to this place to gamble (in CT) on sat for part of the day and do i like gambling? I asnwered honestly. said i had been to the place he'd referring to, it's not that great, it's smoky and depressing. I said i'm not a huge gambler but slot machines can be fun. So that's what i said in reply and he never responded. lol..yeah maybe he got busy
I went out with a friend last night to a place near his work, he asked who i was going with. I COULD have said, why dont you meet us, but i am also trying to not appear clingly/needy of his attentions as i've been told here and from other people in my life...i just dont know folks....did i say something wrong? I am confused as to why he just doesnt make plans with me...I already asked him to do something last sunday, he respectfully declined, not a big deal since it was last minute and out of the way for him. I'm sort of feeling like 'he's not that into me' since he's not asking me out...but at the same time he did write to me and it seemed he was trying to get a feel as to what my plans were...
Molly311,
For the record, I don't think this man would think you were pursuing him. I feel you are overanalysing the situation but it is better to voice your fears and insecurities on a public message board or with your girlfriends than to articulate them to the guy you are dating. I don't think he has any idea that you are stressing about the lack of contact. As I said on the other board, I think you need a man who emulates your dating style and wants as much contact as you do.
Feisty
Can I ask you how old you are?
I am 35 (for a few more months anyway) and after a disastorous 20 + years dating history there is one thing that I have absolutely no doubt about: if a man is really and truly INTO you you will not be questioning the amount of contact you are having with him. Keen men show that they are keen by actively phoning/texting/emailing their subject of interest on a consistent on-going basis. I have spent my life coming up with excuses for this or that kind of 'unsure what he wants' behaviour and finally figured out that if a man wants you you will have no doubt at all that he does - he will make sure of it. No matter how busy/shy/otherwise preoccupied - if he is keen you will KNOW and there will be no room for doubts or questions. He is not pursuing you - he is, at best, waiting to see what happens and possibly considering his other options. If you were my age I'd say forget this and find someone who is keen with a capital K. Something tells me though that you're much younger so..see what happens, sample, explore, enjoy but try not to expect too much from this.
Amen to that. I spent 31 years never really having a relationship because the guys I was into always fancied my mates or only liked me as a friend. I was sick and tired of it and at the beginning of last year I had a very low patch in my life where I let 2 men take me for a fool because I was so vulnerable and just wanted to be loved. Luckily my good friends snapped me out of it and I was lucky enough last summer to meet a man who, though I wasnt expecting great things from him, proved that good things could and would happen to me.
Hang on in there and never give up.
xx
I agree with Feisty's assessment...
Here's all what I can offer from my own current situation (going on 3 months ... I know, not long enough to say anything, but my guy was the same way in the very beginning ... well, except that he made very solid plans ahead of time, but not much contact in between). I was really frustrated and fortunately I went on these boards and talked to close friends instead of acting out and appearing emotionally needy to him, so things have progressed much better since then.
In a nutshell, we can't really tell what goes on in his mind. He might not be "that" interested; he simply is not an emotionally expressive person; or he might be the type who doesn't rush. (Besides, in my humble opinion, 2 weeks is too soon for a mature man to fall hard for a woman, even if he's really physically attracted to her, so don't worry :) Instead of focusing on the minute details, you need to look at his overall character: does he keep his word? is he punctual? is he respectful to you and others? etc. etc.? If you like what you see so far about his character, then just think of him as a good friend that you respect and whose company you enjoy. Subtly give him signs that indicate you're interested in knowing more about him (NOT walking down the aisle with him - not yet, since you don't really know him at this point). In the meantime, keep your single life routine somewhat intact and your options open. That's pretty much all you can do at this stage. After perhaps 2-3 months, and he still doesn't know if he wants to commit to you (based on many other things besides lust), then probably it's time for you to cut your losses.
Another important point Feisty pointed out: let's assume he's a good guy & committed to dating you exclusively, but he doesn't hold the same views on dating etiquette as you. Now that's something you have to decide for yourself. Is it something that really matters to you? Are you willing to trade it for something else that he possesses? Once you're a bit further down the road, you can diplomatically voice your desires and ask what he thinks about them. But then, it's up to him whether he's willing to meet those desires or not. And in return, you have to respectfully accept his response and decide if you can live with it.
In my case, about a month after we started dating, he initiated some intimate act, and I told him I wasn't willing to be intimate since I "felt" that he wasn't very interested in taking the relationship forward. He was flabbergasted and said he thought he'd done everything to show his interest, and fortunately for me, he asked what else he could have done to show me his real intent. I gave him a reasonable answer (of course, as a girl, there are tons of things that I'd like him to do like sending me flowers every week, calling me any change he gets, spending every spare minute with me etc. but I know those are way too unreasonable). It was a rather difficult talk for me since I knew if his response weren't positive, I would have to cut him loose instead of trying to make him change despite how physically attracted I was to him.
So good luck to you and as said, try to focus on the big picture (character, morals, values etc.) for now and we'll re-evaluate if the situation doesn't improve in 2 more months... :) :) :)...
-icuryy
>if he is keen you will KNOW and there will
>be no room for doubts or questions
I completely agree. He isn't chasing because he isn't keen. When I am into a woman I WANT to contact her everyday and if she is into me she would want that too.
THE END.
I'm curious- at what point do you consider two people "dating?"
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