amount of contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
amount of contact?
55
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:45am
Let's say you've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks. He tells you he likes you, things seem good when you're together, but on the phone he seems sort of distant and says he's not a phone person. How often should you expect to hear from him? If he really likes you, do you expect daily contact this soon (let's say he has your e-mail address or could text message you). Or is it normal to not have daily contact with someoen you've only known a few weeks? I cant decide...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:37pm

Ugh! It bugs me to no end that here in the US, you have to ask for exclusivity. It wasn't like that when I was younger and in high school but nowadays, everyone is more interested in keeping other options open and shopping around for the very best deal (even if they have it right in front of them). Though I understand the premise, I sometimes wonder why we (here in the US) do this and if it really does benefit us.

Frustrating.
/Rant over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:42pm

>I know plenty of women who like the daily contact.
>It's just not for me (and it seems the OPs guy is the same way).

I don't believe you or any other woman that claims daily contact is too much. If he had your e-mail address and mobile number I'm sure you wouldn't mind a simple "how has your day been" e-mail or text everyday. What does it take? Hmmmm, a whole 5 minutes of his time if it is a long message. If you were into him I doubt you would be thinking, "I need my space!"

We aren't talking about declaring undying love everyday.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:48pm


'Let's say John asks you out on Tuesday for Friday night. On Thursday, you meet Jim and he asks for your number. You go out with John on Friday, then Jim calls on Sunday and asks you out for Tuesday. Are you bound to say no since you've had one date with John?'

LOL

Let me put it this way: if I have been going out with John for 2 weeks and am very much into John I will not give Jim my phone number let alone accept a date with him should he (Jim lol) suddenly materialise from somewhere by the end of the two weeks. However, if I am 'so so' about John I will most certainly go out with Jim as I would be thinking: I'm not all that much into John, let's see how it goes with Jim. All I'm trying to say is: two weeks is enough to determine whether you want to only see this one person or keep seeing others. I could not really put a time frame on what I consider dating. It could be a week, two, a month - it all depends on how intense, how often, what type of activities.. In UK, dating more than one person basically means you are not really into any of the persons you are dating!

It is really rather simple. You meet, you click, you go out, you don't analyse or agonize as the man is very much into you and can't stop phoning/texting/emailing. If that is not the case - have a nice life. I don't make excuses for anyone anymore - in my book there is no such thing as too busy/too shy/lost number/went on holiday etc etc. It took me till I turned 34 to figure out that when two people are equally very much into each other, have similar mentalities and beliefs and are at the same stage in life, relationships are dead easy. It all flows - naturally. It isn't even about daily phone calls - it's about an obvious open clear unconcealed desire for you that you sense from the man's actions - and sense it you sure do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:56pm

Agree 100%.

There's daily contact and daily contact; we are not talking about 15 obsessive hour long phone calls each and every day. My bf and I have daily contact - an email or two, a text or two, or a short phone call. I don't think I could accept less; I also totally agree that every woman who says otherwise has simply not met the right person yet or is in some kind of denial.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:00pm

Personally, I think it's a whole lot healthier to keep dating other people for at least the first month or so, rather than glomming on to someone you've just met and don't really know and having an "insta-relationship".

And I know you're not old enough to remember this, but back when I was in high school, there was this whole thing with "going steady" (it was going out of fashion--was really the norm in the 50s and 60s but was still around to a certain extent in the early 70s)...and until you were going steady, it was fine to date other people. So not assuming exclusivity from the first date is not exactly something new.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:03pm

I love daily contact. I just like to feel connected with the person like I do my close friends.

For instance, with the guy I'm seeing, after 3 days of non-contact a few weeks ago, I emialed him a brief 'hello, what's going on on your end', when he wrote back that he just got back from a job interview, I was a bit hurt. Those are the things I'd like to know about to provide support and just know what is going on in his life. I like to be friends with guys I'm dating and not just be the weekend girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:09pm

>So not assuming exclusivity from the first date is not exactly something new.

Oh no, I do remember going steady. We did that a bit in middle and high school. And I wouldn't expect exclusivity after 1-3 dates. I just hate that after 3-4 months of consistent dating, you still can't make the assumption and that you have to actually sit down and discuss it. And add on to that, doing so will make or break whether you will continue dating.

I hate that a guy can date you for 4 months + and still not want to be exclusive. It seems that exclusivity here is just a much harder think to grasp and keep.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:10pm

Ok, don't believe us then, but seriously, if I've just met someone, I don't need or really even want daily contact, even if I'm "into" someone (but that begs the question--how "into" someone am I really going to be if I've just met him???).

The guy I just broke up with called me 2-3 times a day from the start--and while I liked it at first (because it was a big change from the previous guy), it got to be too much, very quickly (we broke up primarly due to religious differences though, although he was also showing signs of being insecure and controlling). I much prefer a good balance early on...not so often that it feels smothering and needy, but not so little that you're wondering where he's gone to, either. Most of the men I've ended up being seriously involved with called me every 2-3 days early on and that was just about right. Once we are *in* a relationship, then daily contact is more usual for me, but again, not really necessary. Unless I'm feeling insecure in the relationship, I'm not going to freak out if the guy I'm seeing misses a day in calling me.

Of course, if I know I'm going to see the guy soon (i.e., we have another date planned), that makes a difference too...I don't feel the need to talk to him if I know I'm going to see him in a day or two.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:17pm

Oh, yeah, I would agree with that. About 2 months is pretty much the longest I'd wait for someone to decide they were ready to date me exclusively. I did wait 4 months once and then got too frustrated waiting for him to make up his mind and broke up with him. I wouldn't go there again.

But since the OP has only known her guy for about 2 weeks that's what I was going from.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 1:26pm

It doesn't sound like his lack of contact that's bugging you, it's his lack of committment to seeing you again.