amount of contact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
amount of contact?
55
Tue, 07-11-2006 - 9:45am
Let's say you've been seeing a guy for about 2 weeks. He tells you he likes you, things seem good when you're together, but on the phone he seems sort of distant and says he's not a phone person. How often should you expect to hear from him? If he really likes you, do you expect daily contact this soon (let's say he has your e-mail address or could text message you). Or is it normal to not have daily contact with someoen you've only known a few weeks? I cant decide...

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 5:53pm

Hmm...that's pretty bizarre! I would write back something like, "hmm, well, you should have called and *asked* me to go if you wanted me there ;-)!!!" (complete with the wink to keep it lighthearted, yet get the message across that if he wants to see you, he needs to call and ask you out).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 6:43pm
well we exchanged a bunch of e-mails today. He mentioned that we hadnt talked much this week and was that bad and was it ok? I said, yeah we havent talked much this week, i guess because you're not a phone person. He said, Or because you havent call, or because i'm so bad on the phone that you dont want to call? i said that i did call him sunday, he said he wasnt a phone person, plus i thoght the phone worked both ways. Being mr funny he went on to say that his phone was broken, the send button didnt work. Basically we went on and on with the stupid jokes, he ended up saying am i going to get to see your pretty face in the near future, i asked when he was around...he said all weekend...he seems to want me to do all of the work...and i'm not going to. I was the last to write to him...then he was going out with co workers...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 4:14am

Oh oh, I was in a similar situation a few years ago with a guy. He met me out one night and took my number, was texting me from day one and threw in the occasional phonecall too. Always said he wanted to meet me for a date but whenever I suggested a day, he said he was too busy. He kept saying he had a lot on planning his best man's speech at his mate's wedding and also with work yet time and time again would ask me out. Then he started phoning me when he had his mates round for a game of cards or was down the pub with his dad so I started saying that when he said he was busy, he obviously meant just for me as he had plenty of time for everyone else. I used to bump into him when I was out with friends and still he kept saying he wanted to take me out. Eventually I called him on it and said not to bother, he had wasted enough of my time and he obviously didnt want to go out with me otherwise something would have been arranged now. He pulled the shy card on me, said his ex had completely messed him about so I said I couldnt be held responsible for that and if that was what was stopping him, then he could forget it.

We are still in touch now and the fact I have a boyfriend bothers him but I gave him enough chances to take me out, even did the asking and organising myself but to no avail. He was emotinally unavailable to me and a guy well worth avoiding on that score.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:24am
So it has gotten weirder...he called me 2am this morning. He was not drunk, said he just couldn't sleep. We chatted a bit, then he said, we should hang out. I said, ok when? As soon as i asked that it seemed to go downhill. He couldn't seem to make plans. He said he was around all weekend, i said i had something to do sat, he said ok, we'll make plans around your plans so at one point tonight was brought up. I mentioned us doing something tonight, and he said we don't know if we definitely are. I started to get annoyed...making plans should not be this difficult. He ended up saying he was going to sleep and he'd talk to me later....he said a couple of times that he had wanted to hear my voice...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:55am

Molly311,

You're right, dating should not be this difficult. I think you need to relegate him to the 'too hard' basket. I just read a post to you on another board where someone said that he is trying to see if you're reciprocating and you're not and you want him to do it all. That is total BS. If you did anything more than what you are doing, you would be throwing yourself at him which is exactly what he wants and I'm proud of you for not playing his game. Why should you have to call him all the time? Why should you be the one to always initiate contact? From what I can recall from your posts, you were the last one to ask him out and he gracefully declined. I’ve heard you mentioned a few times that you have a lot of fun when you’re together but so what? It’s how you feel when you’re not together that you should be focusing on. I think it’s disrespectful for him to call you at 2am and even then, he can’t make firm plans. Unless you’re in a committed relationship, a man needs to ask you out in advance. Basically, you’ll be waiting for the phone to ring tonight to see if he will be available. I was all for him at the start and encouraged you to keep on seeing him but I think his behaviour has shown that he’s not worthy of your time. I am done with this guy and I hope you are as well.

Feisty

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