.........and he's BACK!! lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
.........and he's BACK!! lol
13
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 8:46am

Hi Everyone,

Not sure what kind of weather you're experiencing but is sure is COLD here.........!! Bundle up!! lol

I'd posted before Christmas about a guy I'd met at a bar (brief synopsis):

-he is 44, never been married

-met him at a bar - we both had been drinking (him much more so) - he wanted to come to my place and I said no

-we ended up going out on a couple of dates (low key) - coffee, then out somewhere else on a Friday - he kissed me

-when I followed up with him a few days later and asked if he wanted to come by for pizza, his response was "Sorry Mel. I am busy for the next few days.  Keep in touch."

At the time (when I received his response) I was in getting my car worked on - had been a bad day.  I did respond to him - I said "Hmm.....guess that's a friendly brush off, huh?? :)".  Honestly, I thought he was a decent guy and I would have rather asked and got a response then just be left wondering if I should ever contact him......I did not get a response.  I have not contacted him since then.

Fast forward to this week-end.......I was at the neighbourhood pub hanging out........I had had a few, but he showed up, clearly quite drunk.  As soon as he saw me he smiled and we chatted for a bit.  He told me that he really liked me - I responded that I really liked him too.  I basically asked him what happened and he said that when he got my text back inquiring if it was a brush off, he thought I was really insecure.  I admitted to this - aren't we all insecure dating after 35 and having no idea what may be going on with the other person.......??

Anyhow........I did end up kissing him when we were outside (we were in private)........at one point when we were chatting I think he was trying to write down his number again or something (unsuccessfully).  He did ask me to come over to his place that night and I refused (been there, done that with the one night stands - no more).  He said that he liked my moral stance I guess........I was chatting with some other people later and I noticed he had left.

At one point when we were talking I thought - this is guy is no great shakes - why am I getting all worked up over him? I guess he just seemed nice and down to Earth.....although he does seem to have some hang ups (he was asking me incessantly last night if I had kids, as he did the night I first met him - it kind of sounded like he didn't believe me).

Anyhow, when this happened initially I deleted all of his messages and his number.......unfortunately my phone will pretty much save any number that you've sent a text to......I was tempted to text him yesterday to ask him how he was feeling and maybe get the communication going again but why.......?? Ultimately didn't see the point......I feel like I am always pursuing him, and likely he does like me, but only wants something casual.  He seems pretty into his boozing/casual lifestyle.

Hmm!! Why can't these guys just GO AWAY? lol

Mel :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 01-28-2013 - 9:19pm

Thanks guys for all of your responses.......yes, there's a lot going on with him - excessive drinking, asking (basically) for a one night stand.  The sad thing is that when I went on the two dates with him, he was sober and he was a really nice guy.....we had a few good laughs and I felt comfortable with him.  I guess that was why I was taken aback when he flat out turned me down for another date (or brushed me off or said he was busy.......whatever the case may be). 

I am not in current contact with him - I got the feeling on Saturday that he doesn't have my number any longer.....as per his (drunken) attempt to write his......anyhow, he probably doesn't remember much.  Like I said, I was tempted to text him, but.....for what?? I do like him (sober) but not sure what goes on behind that veneer.......

I totally agree that the sun, moon and stars have to align for a guy to date someone over 30.........people often ask why I don't have a bf and it's like really (?) - are there *any* men out there who actually want to date and be committed to someone?? lol....

Thanks for the support.......hopefully it's a *long* while before I bump into him again.........!!

Mel

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 12:29am

   Think from a different direction.  What is in it for him?  What does he gain? 

  His drinking would be a warning.  Liquid courage has it's limitations. 

  Do you have fun when you are around him? 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
Wed, 01-30-2013 - 3:42am

"I totally agree that the sun, moon and stars have to align for a guy to date someone over 30.........people often ask why I don't have a bf and it's like really (?) - are there *any* men out there who actually want to date and be committed to someone?? lol...."

Could not agree more, Mel! *sigh*

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