Annoyed with my male friends

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Annoyed with my male friends
14
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 3:47pm
I'm very pissed off at one male friend and annoyed with another.

The first is a good friend of mine who has lately been "playing with me", as he puts it, by teasing me about things that I don't find funny. Today he finally put me over the edge and I went off on him. He then assumed that I just must have been in a bad mood, and couldn't accept that it's his insensitive comments that put me in that mood. I think he now knows how I feel about those comments and I suspect he'll do his best to avoid me for a couple of days (well, if he's smart, he'll do that!).

The other is the guy I had dinner with on Monday, who obviously just wants to be friends. But, I have a problem with friends who say they'll call me "later in the week" to make plans for Friday and then don't do it. So, he's now on my sh*t list too! Since it's Friday, and it's been a long week, I don't mind not having plans (not that I was holding out for him to make plans), I'd actually prefer to have a mellow evening at home, but I'm still annoyed with the guy for not calling as he said he would. I'd be annoyed with anyone who did that. He doesn't yet know me well enough to know that that's a major pet peeve of mine, but he will find that out.

I'm thinking about calling another male friend of mine just to see if any of them can stay on my good side today!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:01pm
Friend #1...yeah, that would be annoying. If he falls back into his old pattern again, I'd stop hanging out with him.

Friend #2...why didn't you call him? If a friend and I have tentative plans and I don't hear from them, I'll call to follow up, even if they said they'd call me. It bugs me too, but sometimes life interferes and I hope friends would cut me some slack if the situation were reversed.

Sheri

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:10pm
I'd call friend #2 if I had known him longer. I don't want to come across as a pest by calling too much. I left him a message on Tuesday (to blame him for sharing his bad luck with me when I got my speeding ticket...seemed fair, since he tried to blame me for his car not starting). I wasn't expecting a response to that call, but I was expecting a call about tonight's plans. Perhaps he did get busy and maybe I should cut him some slack, but I think I'll wait for an explanation the next time I hear from him. I'm kind of at the point where I've accepted staying in tonight and I'm fine with it. I just hope there's something good on TV!
Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 4:57pm
Hey! I thought you blamed me for that ticket! I guess I'm off the hook, then?

I'd be rather annoyed with both guys. I think there are sometimes when people just don't know when to stop the teasing, as guy #1 did. I think you did the right thing by telling him what you thought of his comments. He shouldn't do it again, but if he does you'll know he isn't really a good friend.

The other guy...hmm..that's just rude. Y'all know how I feel about flakes!

Oh, and What Not to Wear comes on TLC tonight at 10. That's about the only thing I've found on on Friday nights. You could try Animal Planet too. I think Animal Cops may come on at 9.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 6:00pm
As for the fellow making the insensitive comments....realize his values inspire those comments, they're what he thinks and believes. If your perception considers them insensitive and rude - realize you two don't share fundamental values in at least a few areas...and there is likely to be repercussions from that throughout the course of the "friendship". Ask yourself if you're constant overlooking nd ignoring his remarks and actions why you're bothering to hang around him at all.

As for the fellow who just wants to be friends.....accept people as they are. Realize that friendship for him means that he can make loosely structured plans and agreements and if something else comes up - he won't follow thru. His values justify that action. So realize that in being friends with him...youre going to have to be pro-actively responsible for your agenda, plans and goals. Don't depend on him to do what he says, when he says...and leave your goals and needings hanging on the balance of his follow up.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

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Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-27-2003 - 6:22pm
LOL - I also get peeved at that situation but I am at the point where unless the friend wants to make specific plans I assume we don't have plans when he/she says "later in the week" and make other plans - even a plan to stay in. Have fun tonight!
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 8:38am
Yep, you're off the hook! I was in direct contact with this guy, so I figure I was more likely to catch the bad luck from him than from you. Besides, I have a virus detector on my computer which should have stopped your bad luck from getting through! ;)

I do know how you feel about flakes. I'd be a bit more pissed if we had definite plans and he flaked on me, but this not calling rates only as annoying. I suspect he's the type that once he knows this type of thing bothers me, in the future he either won't specifically say that he's going to call around a certain time or he'll call when he says he will. If he talks to our other friend, he'll find out that he doesn't want my annoyance to turn to anger! I tend to keep things to myself, but when something really gets to me and I finally let that be known....watch out!

Unfortunately, I got this message too late for your TV suggestions. I ended up watching Dateline or 48 Hours...can't remember which it was.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 2:03pm
Everyone here flakes if you don't have definate plans...and sometimes even then. I've done it...but I usually say "I don't know if I'll feel up to going out so if something better pops up, I'll understand." And confirm closer to the date.

As to the teasing guy - I get that ALL the time. And my entire family does it. I've been told "you are just SO easy to tease"..."but its so much FUN to tease you"...blech. I've pulled them aside and told them exactly how it makes me feel. And I don't let them give me "its all in fun, teasing" crap. Pretty selfish to hurt me in the name of entertainment for yourself...when you put it in those terms...most ppl get it.

Go.

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-28-2003 - 3:10pm
I hope this isn't a duplicate post....the last time I tried to respond to this, I got a "page expired" warning.

I get teased a lot, but it normally doesn't bother me. This one friend just hasn't yet realized that when I say a subject is off limits, it's because it's a sensitive issue for me and he should drop it. I think after what I said to him yesterday, he understands that. I just hope he is a bit more sensitive to what bothers me in the future. If he does it again, I'll rethink spending so much time with him.

I guess you're right about flaking. I've done it to, but I usually tell the person I have tentative plans with that I'm backing out. I don't just not call and assume the other person will figure it out. That's what's bothering me most. I wouldn't have had a problem with the plans getting cancelled, if only he had the courtesy to call me and tell me.

Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 9:29am
Well, blowing up at the first friend seems to have done the trick. I talked to him yesterday and he seemed to be making a real effort to avoid sensitive issues. If only it didn't take going off on him to make him see that he was being a jerk.

I also talked to the second friend who told me that the plans for Friday actually fell through, he didn't just forget to call me to tell me what was going on. I think I made it clear to him (without coming across as bitchy) that I would have appreciated a call to let me know that. I guess I'll only know if that sunk in the next time something like this happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-01-2003 - 10:37am
Well, I have a very sarcastic, some downright cruel when he gets drunk, male friend who likes to compliment me one minute and then insult me the next. Well, the other night, he said an off color remark and I (finally) made an insult about him being a hairy bald dude. WHOA! He, trust will never forget it because he reminded me of it the next time we hung out and is now soo insecure about it. Some men think that they can say anything to you, but what out if you say something to them and insult their precious egos. Drop an insult about him and he will shut up so fast. They turn into such girls:)!

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