Annoying Friend Rant

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Annoying Friend Rant
30
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 2:14pm

Another annoyance is how my good friend, who was soo adamant about not getting into a relationship, not needing to date, not needing sex or wanting a man at all, the same girl who always put her friends first and her time with her girls first, is not only in a very serious relationship with an absolutely amazing guy, but she's now spending most of her time with him and clearly putting him first. We used to hang out all the time now I havent seen her in weeks. Not saying I'm blaming her for putting their love first, just find it ironic as hell.

*moan*


Well, she's been saying for weeks that we should get together just me and her and have dinner or do something up by my way together. I haven't really seen her or heard from her in 2 weeks and I email her to see if we can pick a day. I let her know that besides tonight and Friday, I'm free. She just wrote back and tells me that every night this week she's busy and she and the BF are planning dates for Sat. AND Sun. Maybe we can do something Sat. during the day.

*fuming*

And I'll tell you what else pisses me off. We had planned a road trip to Virginia Beach this weekend with all the girls. We got on it late and it looks like we can't book a hotel room. Well, before anyone can officially cancel the trip, my girl has already made weekend long plans with her man! What! This was her idea.

So now I need to find something else to do since the beach is out but NOT with her since she's already booked being with her man. All weekend? She is staying with him? You mean she misses him so much during the week that she needs to book the whole weekend too. AND they're going to SF for a whole week next.

#%*^$%^*$#*#

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 2:42pm

I think it's incredibly unhealthy for someone to make a person (man or woman) that they have had a few months with

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:02pm

Well I have to chime in here since I AM in a relationship and my boyfriend IS my priority. I have to say first and foremost that my girlfriends are all married WITH KIDS! and I get rejected not over their husbands but over the children and I'll bet alot of you will say THAT is okay! I don't believe it is!

I have one girlfriend with 3 kids that really does try to make an effort to be sure we find time for each other - I have another that it's like pulling teeth to get her to get together. Albeit, I believe her situation isn't just that she has 3 kids but a husband that can't seem to handle them so she can go out for a dinner. Anyway... I deal with what you guys are talking about but on a different level. I personally think your friend's disappearing act is more obvious to you because you aren't currently involved with someone!? If you were also involved in a relationship you both would be doing the balancing act and it wouldn't seem as drastic! Then it would be a matter of both of you trying to find time together and more apt to excuse her time constraints rather than due to her boyfriend or her poor time management - whatever.

I have to admit... I live with my boyfriend and while we are together most evenings, they aren't all QUALITY time together so we still have to be sure to get that in and then sometimes I have to actually schedule time for myself. So that comes into play when planning things with girlfriends... not only that I'm not taking time away from the main player in my life - but not taking time away from myself. And let's face it... there just doesn't seem to be enough time these days!

I work all day... get home and either exercise, clean or run errands - make dinner (for BF and self or just self) - study for whatever class I'm in at the time, try to enjoy a few minutes with BF, dog, Y&R or self and then it's off to bed to start over tomorrow... it's not like I sit around all evening and CHOOSE that over getting together with girlfriends. And I KNOW you guys aren't talking exactly about ME and that these other girls you are talking about might be different then me... I'm just trying to show you what it looks like from this side of the coin!

And I guess I am different because if I had a girlfriend - a GOOD girlfriend that said "I'd really like some time with you" - I would MAKE time! But no one wants to feel like someone is just spending time with them because they are asking for it - so I get what you guys are saying, I do! ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 3:21pm

I totally get what you're saying too. And how it would be different if I were in a relationship and juggling to.

I think girls with SO's forget how us singles really rely on our friendships for companionship, especially when we're not actively seeing anybody.
When the coupled friends stop hanging out as much with the singles, the singles are left high, dry and sometimes alone, forced to try and make new friends to keep busy on weekends. Sure, its not the coupled girls responsibilities to keep the single ones company, but when you're single (and aside from family if you've got them) its all you have.

Without it you're left alone, which sucks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 6:00pm

I completely understand and am not so far removed from "singleness" as some in my position!

I have to admit even being in a relationship and having good girlfriends (whose kids are A#1) I miss good old sleep overs where you TALK about boys and silly stuff and all that was important was who your best friend was!! :p

My brother has experienced some major "left behind" symptoms lately (he's 33) - so he's been over at my place ALOT lately! I had to kick him out last night! :p

I think the key is to find friends that will still be there for you like Shy said! Big hugs to all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Tue, 07-31-2007 - 7:23pm
I am more understanding about friends with children than with just boyfriends/husbands. Children are truly dependent on you and there is a genuine need to spend a lot of time with them so I would not expect friends with children (especially young children) to have a lot of flexibility. Having a boyfriend or a husband is different though. I have a lot of coupled and married friends who are still themselves and fun to hang around, I am good friends with their boyfriends and husbands too so I spend time with them solo or with the significant other and I never feel like the third wheel. On the other hand, I do have friends that have lost their identity and frankly, even when I do get to spend time with them (what little it is) they've become rather dull and boring, they either JUST talk about their boyfriend and wanting to get married, or their husband and being married. It's like what happened to YOU?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2007
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 9:50am

Yeah - I'm sure more people agree with you than they do me... but I still think it's sad how people become all about their kids once they have them. Obviously that becomes the most important thing in their world but to me they should still make time for the friendships in their life! This coming from someone who probably won't have kids though! :)

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 4:54pm

There's another point I want to make about all of this: I don't want to be the friend who someone has to "make time" for, ya know? Like it's this big inconvenience, like "I had to MAKE TIME to get my driver's lisence renewed." If someone is just looking at their watch, "doing time" with me until they can get back to their real lives, I wish they just wouldn't call.

Yeah, yeah, I KNOW you'e busy but guess what? So am I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2005
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 6:48am

Long time lurker, occasional poster....

I don't mind if my friend's boyfriend is her number one priority, the thing that annoys me the most is when my coupled-up friend's bf is busy and she wants to do something she expects me to be sitting around waiting for her!

She'll call on a Friday, wanting to do something on the Saturday. It's very rare that I wouldn't have plans - and she gets all disappointed that I'm the one not "making time" for us. If she does assume that I'm sitting home every Saturday on my own, then in my opinion she should want to do something more than once every 6 months!!

By the way, I only have one friend who's really like this. One of my friends, who lives with her bf, is the most active at getting all of us girls together! She's better at making time for the girls than I am!!

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 9:40am

Totally OT - I've looked at your profile, and you live in London? Me too! I work in the City, Farringdon to be presise, and live in Rickmansworth, top end of the Met line! Can you believe it's just started raining AGAIN?? Thank heavens they are predicting a glorious weekend but I'll believe it when I see it! I get so jealous of some posters from the US who talk about how hot it is where they are and not a drop of rain!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 08-02-2007 - 10:25am

Oh, I hate you people. :) I'm ridiculously jealous, I live in Boston (in the US, obviously), but I LOVE London...I lived in South Ken for a semester abroad a few years ago.

The heat isn't all it's cracked up to be...what's the average temp been for you guys recently?