Another reason I gave up on OLD

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Another reason I gave up on OLD
10
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 11:04am

I got another one of those generic OLD emails to me that basically says "you are pretty and have a nice smile"--I wouldn't respond to one of those unless the guy was amazing in his profile & you know the odds of that.  But I always look at the guy's profile.  This one was pretty amusing.  first of all, he's 6'4" and describes his body type as "jacked."  I'm 5'1".  Even OKCupid said we were only a 10% match.  In the section where it asks what people first notice about you, he says "My friends always say I look smart"--oh, maybe that's because he's not actually smart?

The strangest part of the profile, though, was the part where it asks you to list your favorite books movies, etc.  For the books he says things like "The Help" (hardcover) or some other book (paperback)--I'm sure he has not read any of those books.  And for the movies, after each movie he lists the synopsis of the movie that is obviously copied from some kind of movie review site.  I'm not sure if he's a scammer or just dumb.  

So yes, this is why I have really given up on OLD, yet some people actually do meet their SO's on there--how, I don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 3:55pm

Hi, Music!  Long time no see.  I just happened to see your post on the home page for all the boards.  These boards have quieted down so much, I rarely get on here any more.  As for OLD, I'm sorry you've had such bad luck.  I honestly have little to no experience with it since I've now been married almost 3 years to my dh who I met online.  He was my first IRL date from OLD and, I don't know...we just clicked.  Make no mistake...I probably should have ran.  He's a man that came with ALOT of baggage (3 drug addict sons), but I loved him enough to stay and I'm the very forgiving type (probably even when I shouldn't be).  Luckily, all kids are now out of the house and 3 live out of state, one doesn't speak to me, and dh's youngest finally crashed and burned and is now living in a halfway house.  The Brady Bunch we are NOT.  I call us the "unblendable" family...his boys (losers) and my DDs (college grads with jobs).  We've basically disengaged from each other's kids which is sad, but it works for us.  We only have to deal with them coming over at Christmastime...the rest of the time it's just the 2 of us and that's when it's the best.  Do I wish maybe I'd dated more?  From what I'm hearing from you, probably not, but I admit...sometimes I wish I'd met someone who my daughters liked and who I liked HIS kids.  It would definitely have been alot easier and nicer.  Dh did OLD in the late 90's and met his girlfriend of 8 years that way, then they split and he met me the same way.  He said in the span of 10 years, the pool definitely got smaller.

Anyway, I'm sorry things haven't worked out for you.  I have an old co-worker (57 years old) who did OLD for 2 years and met some real losers.  She ended up getting married last year to her next door neighbor...a guy who totally adores her.  You just never know what's around the corner, I guess!  I believe though, in my case, I probably would still be single if not for OLD.  Everyone I know is married (30+ years), so I can't imagine WHERE I would have met anyone.  I work in a VERY small office and not a large city.

By the way, I always admire your responses and the legal knowledge you have.  You are definitely an asset to these boards!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 4:32pm

So here's a new one for me on OLD.  I get a message from a 43 year old who lives locally.  Average looking, not my type but I peeked at his profile anyway. His occupation:  a sex phone operator!  For the heck of it I replied and said "really, a sex phone operator?"  He said "ya, but I'm just an amatuer I hope to become a pro in the future".  All I could do was laugh.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 6:06pm

All I can say is "I hear ya."

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 02-26-2014 - 9:07pm

Maybe it's just that the people posting here, are the ones having trouble meeting people.  I know at LEAST 6 people, including my dd, who met spouses thru OLD.  Also, a lot of people seem to be hooking up with long-lost friends/neighbors/co-workers/classmates thru Facebook.  At least then, you have some shared backround to get you started.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 4:47pm

Are any of the people you know who met someone serious on OLD over 50?  cause I also know a lot of younger people who met that way, including my young cousin, who married a guy she met thru EH.

I have reconnected w/ a lot of old friends through FB--too bad they are all married.  In fact, when I went to my last high school reunion about 3 yrs ago, I had hoped there would be some single guys there--I think there were 2--one was undesirable and 1 lived on the opposite coast.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 02-27-2014 - 8:38pm

No, none of the OLD matches I know were over 50.  Honestly tho, no one I know who is over 50, bothers with OLD.  None of them are desperate to date, or to have sex.  They have busy lives, involved with their jobs, volunteering, their friends, their kids and grandkids, & really don't want to remarry.  If they happen to meet someone, fine.  If not, fine also.  

I went to a funeral few months back.  He was 87, his gf is 72.  They'd met in the bowling ally, and had been "dating" for 12 years.  Neither had been looking for someone when they met.  Neither was/is God's gift.  Each had their own home, friends, kids, grandkids, & great grandkids that they continued to be involved with.  Sometimes they saw each other a couple times a week, sometimes not at all. 

I think if you just live your life, and are friendly, fun, non-judgmental, & open to everyone, you will find friends.  Of all kinds.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 8:48am

Honestly tho, no one I know who is over 50, bothers with OLD.  None of them are desperate to date, or to have sex.  They have busy lives, involved with their jobs, volunteering, their friends, their kids and grandkids, & really don't want to remarry.  If they happen to meet someone, fine.  If not, fine also.

There are many approaches to love and romance, and I do hear of women over 50 who really aren't interested in sex or finding companionship with a man. I wish I were one of those women, but I'm not. I can't ever imagine a time when I would not care anymore. But I'm not desperate. I think I have a very normal, human need to connect emotionally and sexually with a man.

I think if you just live your life, and are friendly, fun, non-judgmental, & open to everyone, you will find friends.  Of all kinds.

But what if you are doing that already and you still aren't meeting anyone (a man)? And in terms of "non-judgmental and open", yes, you can be that, but it doesn't mean you are going to meet someone you click with. I think love is precious but rare. You can really want to have a relationship with someone you don't really click with, and you can really try. But why? I have known women who really settled in this way, and it seems pretty unhappy to me. I totally get not racing around "looking" all of the time: that's just exhausting. Of course you should engage in activities you enjoy in and of themselves. And I, like many women, can be very content for long stretches without a man. But if it's what you want and long for, it's hard to just shake that off and pretend that you don't care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 02-28-2014 - 11:15am

I wouldn't say I'm desperate to date and I don't really want to remarry but I would like male companionship some times.  I haven't had sex in 6 yrs which is the longest I've ever gone w/o it since I started having it.  I have really never been one to go for casual sex--not that I have to be engaged but it would just be odd to me to go have sex with someone that I don't know well or am not having a romantic relationship with.

yes I am busy--I work full time, I have kids (no grandchildren yet but I would like to have the youngest one out of the house and have some free time before I start with that).  My mom is 88 and still lives in her own home with her sister, which is great for her & for me because I don't have to worry.  I have never lived alone so when DS goes to college in Sept. this will be a new experience.  I have a lot of friends and go out often on weekends so I am not bored.  I don't really go "looking" for a date any more.  I do things that I like and hope that some day I will meet someone.  However, like Floridagirl I do feel the lack of male companionship.  yes I have people who love me--family members & friends.  But as you know, your kids grow up, they get married, have jobs & kids and are busy with their own lives.  It would be nice to have a partner again in life, someone who cares about me and vice versa.  It's not so great feeling that for every problem in life, I have to take care of it alone.  I always hope I don't get really sick because I don't know what I'd do--I don't have siblings, my family members all live in another state and my friends all work full time.  I remember when I wanted anesthesia at the dentist and couldn't drive home, she was a little skeptical cause my ride was my son, who had just barely gotten his license.  My response was it was either him or me, since I have no one else to help me.  It's not that fun when I think that if I lost my job due to layoff or sickness, I have no one else to help.  It's scary in fact, even though I have always worked since I was 16.  I am not a "loner" kind of person even though I'm not really needy.  I have a bunch of single GFs in my age group and I don't think there is one of them who has reached the point where they have no interest in meeting any men.  My mom wasn't interested in dating when my dad died, but she was over 70.  I'm not that old!  Yet, her brother was the opposite--when my aunt died, he got remarried, and when that lady died, and he was over 80, he still got a new GF!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 03-12-2014 - 8:13pm

i give up easily too with this OLD thing. Too tired to choose people to write to. The ones who write to me aren't that exciting. I do'nt have much luck anywhere.

I know a girl (I think she's only a few years younger than me) who is now engaged to a guy she met on OKcupid. I'm on it too but haven't met anyone with mutual clicking. Oh well. Leave your profile out there but don't expect much. I'ts like playing the lotto.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2014
Sun, 03-16-2014 - 1:22am

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