Apparently, I've been doing it all wrong

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Apparently, I've been doing it all wrong
Sun, 10-21-2012 - 8:52pm

I found this rather interesting:

5 Insignificant things that determine if someone likes you:

#5- Don't do favors for others- make them do them for you.  I actually remember learning that in a psychology class my freshman year in college.  I have a very difficult time asking people to do things for me, though, and I find that people are always asking me for help. 

#4- Be rude, mean, and selfish- Yeah...that's not really me.  Except, like last night when I was in a truly pissed off mood and didn't really care what I said or did.  I sat at the bar most of the night with my girlfriend on one side and a random guy sitting alone on the other.  One of my favorite things to do when I'm out is make fun of music videos the DJ is playing.  I knew the random guy was listening to me rant about how many bare women's butts we saw compared to bare men's butts, and how man boobs and beer guts are not sexy, and how the songs were about nothing and stupid.  Eventually, he couldn't hold it in anymore and started laughing at me and came over to talk (he was actually around the corner, a chair away).  He said he felt like he knew so much about me already.  He did ask me to "hang out" but I pulled out my imaginary boyfriend card.  I'm not into dreadlocks.  Nice guy, though.  I've noticed that when I'm in that kind of mood- where I don't care, I do tend to attract more men.  Probably women too, but I don't notice that as much.  It's not my "default" setting, though.

#3- Wear branded clothing- This has never been me either!  I like to look nice, but grew up poor and still can't afford expensive stuff with names, so I guess I'll never be one of the cool kids. 

#2- Have pretty Facebook friends- I suppose this makes sense.  If your friends are attractive and fun, you seem more attractive and fun.  But, again, I've only had one friend ever who was considered "hot" and she stole all the man attention.  So that didn't work out so well.  I do have an aunt that I refuse to accept a friend request from because I know she'll leave comments that make me look unintelligent.  But I don't do it based on how pretty they are.

#1- Embarrass yourself in public- I get mortified when I embarrass myself in front of people.  Even having one too many drinks and getting a little chatty (like I did last night) embarrasses me.  So again, not something I've ever really aimed to do.

So, I guess that's why my social life hasn't really been all that successful my whole life.  Right now is the most social I've been, and you all know the people I hang out with aren't exactly the people I'd choose to spend every day with.  If you read the article, all of the claims are actually based on research, so even though they may seem ridiculous, there's something to back them up.  Maybe next Thursday I'll aim to be more rude, wear my most expensive clothes, and embarrass myself. 


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2013
Thu, 04-17-2014 - 12:22am

Well descirbed, +1 your thoughts

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 5:22pm

I think I'll skip the part about embarrassing myself to make people like me.  And note that being a jerk only  makes people popular in high school, not later on in life.  I do think it makes sense that if you ask someone to do a favor for you, they will like you more--esp. for guys.  They seem to get some satisfaction about doing favors for women--it puffs up their egos.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 1:02pm
It's funny, I can remember a time when I was pretty unaware, sometimes rude, rarely mean . . . but I do recall getting a lot of attention from men during that stage. I've never worn brand names and never will. Paying a little extra for quality is one thing, but paying three or four times that for a name is not me. I've embarrassed myself in public so many times that I could keep you all here for days. I can assure you, once or twice is cute. When you start to become "that girl" it's time to grow up. Let's just say, it garnered some attention, but the wrong kind. I don't do Facebook but I did Myspace for a couple of years back in the day and I did come accross "those" who you could tell, only allowed the pretty people in . . . It was like the Studio 54 of the internet. Gross. Okay, the favors. I'm terrible about asking anyone for anything. I actually think this could be another reason why I'm not very palatable, romantically. I'm too independent. I think sometimes independence gives off this air of perfection. Nobody is perfect so I think that lends itself to being unrelatable.