Approach Anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Approach Anxiety
7
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 12:28am

I met with two counselors today. The first one was less than enthusiastic about my desire for sexual adventures, while the second one was very supportive. For she chuckled when I told her that I want sexual adventures, and -- more importantly -- understood how I see these adventures as necessary for personal growth. Next week I will meet with two more counselors and then will decide.

I mentioned to the second counselor that I still cannot make sense of my lost opportunities and the years which I wasted. Afterward on the way home, it dawned on me that the regrets are the cause of my anxiety in that I, desperate to end the pain, invest too much emotion into each woman whom I like. It is a vicious cycle when regrets lead to anxieties which lead to inactions which then lead to more regrets.

The emotional pains are real as I can physically feel them. If you can share any advice, similar experience or encouragement, it will be greatly appreciated.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:18am

You are obviously a very intelligent guy. Are you in the UK by any chance? Anyway, focus on your studies and some day you will be rich enough that you can buy any woman you want . . .

I'm kidding by the way.

I can identify with you. I think we all can in some way or another. I'm guessing that you are quite young. Don't sweat it. You'll get your opportunities. I consider myself kinda cute, even though a little more on the voluptuous side, and you should see the guys I've hooked up with. HA. Just kidding again. No, really, someone will take all of your facets, the intellectual you, the physical you, everything and they will appreciate you for who you are. They WILL dig you. SOMEONE will dig you. Trust me. Be patient.

. . . and, I think it's great that you have sought some help in sorting out your feelings. I think that is a wonderful step in the right direction!




Edited 1/12/2007 1:28 am ET by cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:18am
I've probably asked you this before, but if I did, I forget...how old are you, if I may ask?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 1:13pm
I am 25. While I am still young, it is just difficult to swallow the fact that I wasted so many years. I will address that issue with the counselor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 2:48pm
I understand exactly where you're coming from man. I've wasted YEARS on only a few girls. I stuck around, being their friend, giving them validation and emotional support when they needed, but was always afraid to do more. When I finally worked up the courage to express my feelings to them, usually after knowing them for several months, they didn't return any romantic interest. I was heartbroken. I've decided "no more."


Edited 1/12/2007 2:50 pm ET by redonculous
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 4:07pm

I agree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: akt226
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 12:42am
It is counter-intuitive because on one hand you know that you like her, but on the other you need to hold back. Nonetheless, like you said, it should be easier once I do it, especially now that I understand the reason.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: akt226
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 11:34am

Why would you need to hold back on asking her out?