Are guys intimidated by beauty?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Are guys intimidated by beauty?
29
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 3:37pm
I just don't understand it. EVERYONE tells me what a beautiful, sweet and fun person I am, and I just don't know why I'm not getting asked out. I've confided in a few people that no one has asked me out and they just cannot believe it. I don't want to sound full of myself, but I am a well put together package. Are men afraid to ask out women that are confident, independent and beautiful? Most men say this is what they want, but is it really? I'm so confused!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 3:57pm
You have to make things happen for yourself, regardless how cute you are. I used to think that men will come up to me if they thought I was cute, but on the contrary!!! Guys don't want to be rejected, so unless you either do it yourself or you give them hints, you'll stay single.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 4:45pm
I agree with kcole68; you have to put yourself out there. Let guys know you are interested and they may feel more comfortable making the first move. If you just sit there quietly without making eye contact and smiling, guys may not be intimidated by your appearance - they may think your a jerk. A smile or even a wink will get the guys moving. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2006
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 10:53pm

IMO (being a guy) it isn't your beauty...it's the way you present/carry yourself. I met a young lady who I was extremely intimidated by (we worked together). Over the course of several weeks close to a couple months, I realzed she wasn't that intimidating. But presenting yourself that way, may (at first) be intimidating to guys...but you shouldn't change who you are. I agree, put yourself out there...if you are that confident in yourself and what/who you are looking for...then approach a guy...I know I would be blown away if a girl did that to me. Just my .02

-me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 8:36am

"A smile or even a wink will get the guys moving."


Everyone keeps telling me that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 9:04am
It may just be a matter of making yourself approachable. It's tough but I'd pay close attention to how you're acting when you're out and about. Sometimes we close ourselves off without even thinking about it. I know when I've had a bad day, I tend to walk around with a frown, fold my arms and avoid eye contact. None of these things is wrong if you're having a bad day, but you have to be concious of when you're doing it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 11:57am

>>when I was growing up, kids were very cruel and all the boys I used to have crushes on would find out because of one or another of my big-mouth "friends" who would tell, and then they'd make fun of me, call me a dog, and say things like, "What makes you think I would ever like YOU?" So part of me still thinks that's what a guy's reaction is going to be if he finds out I'm interested. <<

OMG!! You reminded me of a horrible 5th grade experience. I had a crush on a 6th grade boy in my neighborhood and I used to walk my two dogs to have an excuse to walk by his house. On one of these walks, the boy's friend stuck his head out the window as I was walking by and yelled, "Look at the two people walking the dog! ...You know Tony doesn't like you."

I think it is true that some of those early hurts carry through to our adult years. I still do get a bit shy around men I like, and there always is a bit of a fear of rejection. The good thing about being 30, though, is that I really do care a lot less what people think now. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 2:29pm

I agree with the others that being beautiful is not the only factor in finding love. Confidence, friendliness, openness, sincerity... those are just some of the many things that open doors to conversations, attraction and relationships.

My advice is the next time you're in a situation where you are meeting a new guy, let down your guard a bit and show off your personality, make conversation, try to help put him at ease, SMILE. Most people out there really do want more than just a pretty face or cute body (especially for the long term), so show people what your something more is.

You mentioned that people say you are sweet and fun - that's a great start! My guess is that you might be a bit like me - you show that side more easily to close friends and people you know pretty well. If you can find a way to show that side to potential dates, that's half the battle.

Good luck, and keep us posted on how it goes.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2005
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 3:14pm
Thanks tallgirl! Yeah you are right, I do tend to be more friendly and funny to people I know well and more reserved with those I don't know, but I am working hard on overcoming that. I was overweight as a young teen and the stinging words of stupid boys back then come back to haunt me ("You'd be so beautiful...IF you lost some weight") Arggghhhhh!!! I guess I'm like most people, afraid of rejection!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 6:45pm

I have a hard time with that wink and smile too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sat, 02-04-2006 - 7:03am

Yep - that's exactly why I don't even bother making any kind of contact with guys whatsoever. If they want to meet me, they have to make the first move. I've learned from much experience that if a guy has a choice between me and the cute little blonde sitting next to me - well, I'm not going to get the date. Even if she's a complete ding-bat, a nasty person, or a golddigger, good old Michelle won't get the second look. That's just the way it is. Guys can't see our personality.

On that note, I've been told by my guy friends and current main squeeze that guys learn from said experience that a lot of beautiful women are shallow, nasty, spoiled and so forth, so they shy away from them. I'm not saying the OP is like this, but that's what I've heard from my guy friends and guys I've known. Might be something to think about.

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