Are single women flawed??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Are single women flawed??
17
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:17am
I was listening to "LoveLine" last night (Adam and Dr. Drew), and this woman called to ask them a sex question (what normally happens on the show). I don't even think she had the opportunity to ask her question, because when she said she wasn't currently in a relationship, they (Adam and Dr. Drew) immediately retorted, "well, why aren't you in a relationship?" What kind of a question is this? SHOULD we be in a relationship?

Are we (women) considered flawed (grotesque, damaged goods, worthless, whatever) when we are NOT in a relationship? I am not in a relationship and I haven't been in one for almost a year now, and although I'd LIKE to be in one, I haven't met anyone quite worthwhile - and the fact that no one has asked me out contributes to the "problem."

But is being single a "problem?" I took offense to what both men said. They made her (and any single woman) look ridiculous, and I know she felt it. She couldn't even answer the question.

Enlighten me, please, because this offended me and made me feel unworthy.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:33am

I don't think that all single women are flawed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:47am
That's a very old and tired stereotype. There is nothing wrong w/ being a single woman. It is often healthy to take some time to be alone between relationships so that you can get over the last relationship, reflect on what went wrong and what was good, and heal and learn. There are MUCH, MUCH worse things than being alone - being in an abusive relationship, being unhappy in a relationship, etc.

ginger

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 11:11am
No, that listener was not “grotesque, flawed,” etc, for being single. But I think she should’ve known better than to ask those 2 clowns for advice; that’s like asking Phyllis Schlafly for a good abortion clinic. For all we know, that caller, and all others, may be a “put-up job” just to get the viewers/listeners.

What bothers me about this and similar shows is that, by watching/listening, these guys and their skewed opinions are validated; nevermind what jerks they appear to be and probably are. So why validate them further by listening to their shows? And, knowing that, why should we allow them to make us second-guess our own actions? After all, we on this board know why we’re single. By and large, it’s b/c the men we’ve encountered aren’t worth keeping, and it’s far saner to remain single for ourselves and our own lives, and possibly for someone who’s worth waiting for.

That said, I often wonder why those jerks and their counterparts never ask why the MEN aren’t in a r’ship. I think it’s b/c men generally never look inward; it’s always someone else’s fault. Whereas women always look inward, probably far more so and to our own detriment. (I speak generally, of course; I’m sure somewhere there’s a kind, generous-spirited, mature man willing to work at a mutually rewarding r’ship—and he’s probably under a rock in Tibet…)

Anyway, maybe the way to avoid those doubts is to avoid those jerks and not listen to their screwed-up advice, and know that we’re doing what’s right for US.

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 11:45am
I am much - much - more comfortable with myself when I am not in a relationship as opposed to an unhealthy or unsatisfying one - in my social circle yes you are judged by married/engaged v. single but if single there doesn't seem to be a judgment about whether you're dating or in a relationship - I do have a problem with single women who talk too much about their promiscuity or drunken one night stands - but I also have a problem with women who talk incessantly about their SO's as if that is their reason for existing.

I hope you misinterpreted or heard wrong -otherwise, sounds icky!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 12:01pm
You're not "flawed" for not being in a relationship.

Now, if nobody asks you out -the common denominator there is you. Not that YOU needto make changes to yourself...but you might need to evaluate where you're going and what you're doing to see if in reality - you're not going where people that you'd choose and that would choose you are.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 12:31pm
I've watched them. Those guys are so mean. Dr. Drew can be okay sometimes but Adam initiates the meanness and then they get off topic. She should have asked if they were single and if they said yes then what's wrong with them.

And there are so many nice men out there. I meet them all the time. They ask me out all the time. It's amazing what you learn as you grow up...
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 12:53pm
On the contrary, I think a lot of single women have higher standards then ones in relationships. Don't get me wrong, I am sure many women in relationships have snagged good men, but speaking from experience, friends of mine who are in relationships put up with a lot of crap that I am unwilling to put up with myself just to be with someone. Example: A friend of mine has been going out with a guy for about 6 months now. Yesterday was her birthday. What did he give her? Zilth, nada, zero, nothing not even a card. And believe me, hes not hurting financially. Another friend of mine is married and has a husband that criticizes every move she makes, right down to the way she closes the blinds. For now, until the right person comes along for me, I will smile and when asked why I am not in a relationship, look that nosey person right in the eyes and say "I haven't found anyone who deserves me yet".
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 1:03pm

You know what? I wouldn't have thought twice about the comment...but then I believe ALL woman are flawed. I try not to pass judgement...but based on MY values and MY beliefs...I am stronger & healthier for not "settling" for less than I know I deserve. I have plenty of gfs who got married - to get married. Of course, they base their decision on their values. So to say "what's wrong with you" becomes an issue of semantics...what is your definition of wrong? Whether my lifestyle is wrong or not, would depend strictly on one's viewpoint based on their values & beliefs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 1:10pm
"but then I believe ALL woman are flawed."

?? I assume that you meant that all PEOPLE are flawed - not just WOMEN?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 1:16pm
no, men are perfect.

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