Are There More Quality Women Then Men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Are There More Quality Women Then Men?
47
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:33am
I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way, or is it just the point of view of a slightly jaded, single, 32 year old woman (me) who has yet to find a good catch. Does it seem like, in general, there are a lot more quality women out there than men, or is this a misconception? It’s just that I seem to know so many wonderful women, who have a good head on their shoulders, enjoy life, smart, beautiful, funny, great senses of humor, independent…..and all alone. Also, I always thought the close friends I had for most of my young adult life, would never in a million years settle for less than what they want in a man, yet a lot of them have. Not only that….as soon as a man came into the picture, they just basically disappeared out of my life. Hardly ever do I get a phone call or any attempt to make plans from them anymore, ever since they got into these relationships. I can’t help but be a little offended, because they had a great friend in me….I’m a cool, chic! I’m lots of fun, and love to do things, enjoy life. Yet these friends have chosen to be with drunks, unemployed or underemployed men, emotionally abusive, and in one case, and ex-con with baby mama drama, instead of just having fun and staying single, cause it seems to them that any man is better than none at all. I guess I just don’t get it! Any thoughts on this, or similar experiences? Do you think there is a shortage of quality men? Do you think there are a lot of women out there who think it’s much better to have just any man and say they are in a relationship, rather than to wait for a quality one, who may or may not ever appear?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 12:11pm
Most of the quality men I know are already married or in a relationship. So, yes, sometimes it seems like the ratio of great single women to great single men is way out of whack, but I still maintain a belief that I'll meet a great one someday. I just can't bring myself to settle for less than great (usual caveat - great for ME).

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 2:32pm

To answer your question, yes I believe there are more quality women than men. That's why most men are able to move on quickly after a break up. There's so many women to choose from for them! Well, that's my opinion anyway. It's not up for a challenge.

As for your friends wanting to hang out with their boyfriends rather than you, that happens. People often do this especially when the relationship is fresh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:11pm

>>>I’m lots of fun, and love to do things, enjoy life. Yet these friends have chosen to be with drunks, unemployed or underemployed men, emotionally abusive, and in one case, and ex-con with baby mama drama, instead of just having fun and staying single, cause it seems to them that any man is better than none at all. I guess I just don’t get it! Any thoughts on this, or similar experiences? Do you think there is a shortage of quality men?<<<

No. There is NO shortage of quality men. Most men are kind, loyal, considerate, will do anything for a girl. Unfortantely, most women don't give these kind of men because they aren't "exciting" or "edgy" enough. They're "too nice," "like a big brother," or "more friend material than boyfriend material."

The reason you and your friends seem to think there is a shortage of quality men is because you completely bypass all the quality men and go for the "bad-boys," "players," and so on. Many women have this delusion that "love will make him change for me," but in the end, EVERYONE gets hurt because 1) the women gets her heart broken by the sexy, exciting bad-boy who cheats and does drugs and 2) the quality men stay lonely and desperate because women keep ignoring them because they're not exciting or edgy enough.

SOLTION : STOP GOING FOR BAD-BOYS. Stop going for a guy just because he's handsome or rides a bike or parties a lot or has a bad attitude. Instead, go for the guy who you see in the corner who's a little too shy to come and say "hi". Give that male friend who's always been there a chance. It's really not that hard.

>>>To answer your question, yes I believe there are more quality women than men. That's why most men are able to move on quickly after a break up. There's so many women to choose from for them! Well, that's my opinion anyway. It's not up for a challenge.<<<

The reason men have more women to chose from is because men hold their standards in women lower than women do to men. Most guys just want a woman who's pretty and won't take his money. But for a guy to be eligible, he has to look good, dress well, make more money than the woman, be cool, popular, socially accepted, charming but not cheesy, intelligent but not nerdy, and has to say the right words at the right time in the right tone of voice. It's a brutal juggling act for most men.

So just because a man has more women to chose from doesn't mean most or even a few will chose him.




Edited 1/17/2007 3:16 pm ET by redonculous
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:20pm
SOLTION : STOP GOING FOR BAD-BOYS. Stop going for a guy just because he's handsome or rides a bike or parties a lot or has a bad attitude. Instead, go for the guy who you see in the corner who's a little too shy to come and say "hi". Give that male friend who's always been there a chance. It's really not that hard.
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Huh? What makes you think she's going for bad-boys? You're making way too many generalizations about women. Also a woman has a right to go for a guy who SHE finds attractive the same way a guy goes for the blonde with the fake, big boobs and ignores the quiet, shy mousy girl because her friend is much "hotter."
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:43pm

Forgive me, but what exactly did I say in my post to make you think I'm going for "bad boys"? What I said was that my friends have basically settled for men that are not worthy of them. What I also said was that I have yet to find a QUALITY man...which, in my book, is the opposite of what most consider the bad boy type. In fact, I am actually turned off by men who are players, party animals, druggies or boozers, the typical bad boy type. Never once have I turned down a date with a too nice or shy fellow, one who has a decent job, doesn't live with his parents, and has his act together. I certainly don't seen an overabundance of these types, who are still available though, as you claim there are....where are they?

Men hold their standards lower than women do? Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this. In my experience at least, even men who are complete and total losers, who have nothing to bring to the table, still sometimes expect to have a beautiful, young supermodel on their arms.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:55pm
Red - I think there are plenty of single, quality men in your age bracket. For those of us in our 30s and up, the pickings are a little slimmer. Maybe I'll start dating younger. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 6:57pm

In my age group (I'm 48), yes, for sure. The single men I met generally fall into one or more of the following categories:

1. They don't want to be in a serious relationship. Many are divorced and they are not interested in marriage, let alone commitment. They're just looking for sex and companionship...which is fine, so long as they're upfront about it, but I'm looking for more.

2. They have some serious emotional issues and/or baggage and more importantly, aren't doing anything about it. Everyone has issues and baggage to some extent of course, but I think women are more willing in general to deal with theirs and if necessary, get help.

3. They are *boring*. This is probably the biggest issue for me. Most of my women friends are well-rounded people with a variety of interests who like to *do* things--and not just the same thing all the time. So many men I meet are nice enough guys but they just go to work and maybe play golf on the weekends (or something similar) and that's it. No variety, no trying anything new, no traveling, no going to a baseball game one night and to the symphony the next like my friends and I are apt to do.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 8:59pm

I too noticed around the age of 32 (I'm 37 now) that friends who I thought were strong and discerning made decisions to marry horrible men, have children out of wedlock with losers, and basically lower their standards completely for the sake of having a man (or so they thought). I have been really surprised over the years at the poor judgment exercised by these attractive, educated, well-paid women.

I think it may appear that there are more quality women than men because so many seemingly quality single men remain emotionally unavailable. So even though the pool of "quality" eligibles is X, the real number of quality eligibles who want to be in a serious relationship or marry is substantially smaller than X.

I also think that there is no societal pressure to marry these days--which is good. Except that if there are more women of childbearing age (than men) in a given geography, there is going to be a lot of single women.

Prepare yourself for the long haul.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 10:26pm

Which is it?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 10:33pm

I think there are more quality single women than men because most single women have higher standards for themselves than most single men have for themselves.

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