Are There More Quality Women Then Men?
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Are There More Quality Women Then Men?
| Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:33am |
I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way, or is it just the point of view of a slightly jaded, single, 32 year old woman (me) who has yet to find a good catch. Does it seem like, in general, there are a lot more quality women out there than men, or is this a misconception? It’s just that I seem to know so many wonderful women, who have a good head on their shoulders, enjoy life, smart, beautiful, funny, great senses of humor, independent…..and all alone. Also, I always thought the close friends I had for most of my young adult life, would never in a million years settle for less than what they want in a man, yet a lot of them have. Not only that….as soon as a man came into the picture, they just basically disappeared out of my life. Hardly ever do I get a phone call or any attempt to make plans from them anymore, ever since they got into these relationships. I can’t help but be a little offended, because they had a great friend in me….I’m a cool, chic! I’m lots of fun, and love to do things, enjoy life. Yet these friends have chosen to be with drunks, unemployed or underemployed men, emotionally abusive, and in one case, and ex-con with baby mama drama, instead of just having fun and staying single, cause it seems to them that any man is better than none at all. I guess I just don’t get it! Any thoughts on this, or similar experiences? Do you think there is a shortage of quality men? Do you think there are a lot of women out there who think it’s much better to have just any man and say they are in a relationship, rather than to wait for a quality one, who may or may not ever appear?

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In response to ivil mami25
>>>Huh? What makes you think she's going for bad-boys? You're making way too many generalizations about women. Also a woman has a right to go for a guy who SHE finds attractive the same way a guy goes for the blonde with the fake, big boobs and ignores the quiet, shy mousy girl because her friend is much "hotter.”<<<
She said her friends keep going for guys who cheat, lie, abuse them, drink. There are a million other men who won’t do those things to them but they won’t go for them because they’re not attracted to them.
And just because a woman has a right to go for those types of guys doesn’t mean she’s right to.
In response to skyblueyou
>>>I certainly don't seen an overabundance of these types, who are still available though, as you claim there are....where are they?<<<
They’re everywhere. They’re walking down the street, serve you coffee at Starbucks, they’re your male friends who will always give you a shoulder to lean on. But like I said, most men are terrified when it comes to approaching. I said this before on another thread but it went unanswered. Asking a girl out is one of the most nerve-wracking things for a guy to do, so most don’t do it. All YOU have to do is be the first one to say “hi” and ask them out. Like I said, if you’re an attractive woman, the majority of men will gladly say yes.
>>>Men hold their standards lower than women do? Sorry, I couldn't help but laugh out loud at this. In my experience at least, even men who are complete and total losers, who have nothing to bring to the table, still sometimes expect to have a beautiful, young supermodel on their arms.<<<
It’s not a lot to ask. Being attractive is one of the simplest things to do for a woman (note: I said “simple,” not “easy”); stay in shape, put on some make up, dress well, do your hair. It may be strenuous and time consuming doing those things, but it’s simple in the terms that you know the path and you know how to get there. Like I said, I’ve seen girls that guys would wretch and make jokes about behind their backs turn into bombshells when they took the time and effort to make themselves beautiful.
But it’s 10x more difficult for a man to be attractive. It’s not enough for us to look good and dress well. We have to be cool, popular, socially fluent, make more money than you, be charming but not cheesy, intelligent but not nerdy, confident but not cocky, know the right words to say at the right time in the right tone of voice and we have to have that element of edginess and excitement.
And if we so much as fall short on one of those, we lose our chances with you, because most women would rather be with a guy who meets their standards of attractiveness but cheats and lies and hurts them than be with a guy who falls short.
In response to cl-shywon
>>>None of this makes sense, and it's all getting quite ridiculous<<<
It’s not ridiculous at all. Being a bad-boy doesn’t mean riding a bike and wearing leather. Being a bad-boy means putting his selfish desires above a woman’s needs. A bad-boy can still be cool, popular, socially fluent, make more money than you, be charming but not cheesy, intelligent but not nerdy, confident but not cocky, know the right words to say at the right time in the right tone of voice and we have to have that element of edginess and excitement, and still drink, do drugs, cheat, lie, steal from you and otherwise hurt you.
<>
LOL!!!!! Why do men want the women to grow the balls for THEM all the time? I've never had to ask any of the guys I went out with including the one that I'm with now because they're real men who aren't afraid of a little rejection. If a guy doesn't have enough balls to ask me out, he's not worthy of my time and I'm better off without him! That's a lazy, safe approach on a man's part. Once the woman goes after the guy, she's going to have to plan everything else with him while he sits around being passive.
For the men who are too chicken to ask a woman out, your loss. That explains why there are so many bitter men on these boards. I guess they're waiting to be asked out.
Edited 1/18/2007 8:36 am ET by ivil_mami25
<<>>
So what you are saying is men don't care about anything but looks??? You have no care at all if we are articulate, have a brain as long as we are in shape and are a bombshell that's all that matters to you. That isn't the kind of man I want nor my friends want to be with. I want a guy who thinks more of women than that.
<<>>
Actually, no that's just your perception of what women want. I have only dated one man that made more money than me. I was also married once and he also didn't make more money than me. Didn't mean I cared any less for them when I was dating them. Because not all women think about men as walking wallets as you perceive them to. Women of course want to date someone they are attracted too, you can't expect people to date someone they aren't attracted to, it's not going to work otherwise, but all that other stuff you put in there, is misconceptions you have heaped upon yourself and is not reality.
I enjoy a man's company who can make me laugh, who I have good conversation with, and who I feel chemistry with. That usually happens within the first few dates. He has to have a job, be self sufficient because I am. That's not a lot to ask of someone that is the same age as myself. Sometimes they can be "model hot", sometimes they are nerdy looking, sometimes they are chubby it really depends on the conversation, the night, my mood and him and his attitude whether or not I will like him. I'm attracted to a lot of different men. You can tell a bad boy right away, I don't really tolerate bad behavior. I was married to a cheater, went to counseling for a year. I nip bad behavior right away and get out of it. So no your assumption that all us women looking for the good guys are dating abusers and bad boys is just inaccurate.
The quality of men out there is lower and it gets lower as you get older, I'd say men especially in my area are LAZY. They don't want to put in the effort to date anymore. Maybe it's the generation, maybe it's the availability of having women at your fingertip due to the internet now, since you used to have to go out to bars or have friends set you up, now you can have a date every week with the internet and I think it's made people lazy in the art of dating.
Smile,
Deirdre
In response to:
>>>They’re everywhere. They’re walking down the street, serve you coffee at Starbucks, they’re your male friends who will always give you a shoulder to lean on. But like I said, most men are terrified when it comes to approaching. I said this before on another thread but it went unanswered. Asking a girl out is one of the most nerve-wracking things for a guy to do, so most don’t do it. All YOU have to do is be the first one to say “hi” and ask them out. Like I said, if you’re an attractive woman, the majority of men will gladly say yes.<<<
So, in other words, we women should do all the work. WE should approach them, WE should ask them out, and next WE will be planning the actual date. Sorry, but as another poster said, if a guy is so much of a wuss that he can't even muster the courage to ask a woman out on a simple date, I wouldn't want him anyway. Men DO ask women out, and all the time too. Actually, most women I know feel it's still the guy who should make the first move. I'm not saying it's wrong for a woman to ask a man out, but many times in this case, a woman will be left wondering..."is he really interested in me, or is he just being polite in accepting my offer".
>>>>>It’s not a lot to ask. Being attractive is one of the simplest things to do for a woman (note: I said “simple,” not “easy”); stay in shape, put on some make up, dress well, do your hair. It may be strenuous and time consuming doing those things, but it’s simple in the terms that you know the path and you know how to get there.<<<<<<
I know many, many women who are knockouts, put all the time and effort into staying in shape, dressing beautifully, wearing makeup, having nice hair...and still they are single. So there goes that theory. Also, I can't help but comment on the fact that you basically just described a Barbie doll. You didn't mention anything about brains, morals, values, independence, kindness, personality. Hopefully there are still some men out there who aren't this shallow and narrow minded.
>>>>But it’s 10x more difficult for a man to be attractive. It’s not enough for us to look good and dress well. We have to be cool, popular, socially fluent, make more money than you, be charming but not cheesy, intelligent but not nerdy, confident but not cocky, know the right words to say at the right time in the right tone of voice and we have to have that element of edginess and excitement.>>>>>>
If there is any man out that who meets all of the standards you just mentioned above, please, show me where. Because never in my 32 years on this earth have I met one with all of the qualifications you just mentioned.
>>>So what you are saying is men don't care about anything but looks??? You have no care at all if we are articulate, have a brain as long as we are in shape and are a bombshell that's all that matters to you. That isn't the kind of man I want nor my friends want to be with. I want a guy who thinks more of women than that.<<<
I’m not saying that. Of course personality plays a role, but just not as big a role as it does for women. Haven’t you ever heard of the 80%-20% rule? “For women, attraction is 20% physical and 80% personality but for men, it’s 20% personality and 80% physical.” That’s why it’s 10x harder for us to be attractive to you. Because it’s not enough to change our outward appearance. We have to have a solid inner game. We have to assume this personality and behavior and mindset that’s way harder than just staying in shape and dressing well.
>>>So, in other words, we women should do all the work. WE should approach them, WE should ask them out, and next WE will be planning the actual date. Sorry, but as another poster said, if a guy is so much of a wuss that he can't even muster the courage to ask a woman out on a simple date, I wouldn't want him anyway. Men DO ask women out, and all the time too. Actually, most women I know feel it's still the guy who should make the first move. I'm not saying it's wrong for a woman to ask a man out, but many times in this case, a woman will be left wondering..."is he really interested in me, or is he just being polite in accepting my offer".<<<
I’m not saying you should do all of the work. I’m just saying you should do SOME of the work. It never hurts to be the first to say hi.
>>>I know many, many women who are knockouts, put all the time and effort into staying in shape, dressing beautifully, wearing makeup, having nice hair...and still they are single. So there goes that theory. Also, I can't help but comment on the fact that you basically just described a Barbie doll. You didn't mention anything about brains, morals, values, independence, kindness, personality. Hopefully there are still some men out there who aren't this shallow and narrow minded.<<<
Actually my theory is still pretty solid. The prettier a woman is, the more nerve-wracking it is for the guy to approach her. A beautiful woman is one of the most intimidating things in the world to most guys. How many movies have you seen where one guy keeps nudging and goading on another guy, saying, “Come on. Go say hi to her. Do it.” And the other says “No. I can’t. I’m too nervous. I’ll look like a fool.” ?
I never said a good personality and intelligence hurts. It adds points, trust me. All I’m saying is that being attracted to beauty is not shallow or narrow minded at all. Like I said, if a girl won’t take the time and effort to make herself beautiful for me, then why should I spend MY time and effort dating her?
>>>If there is any man out that who meets all of the standards you just mentioned above, please, show me where. Because never in my 32 years on this earth have I met one with all of the qualifications you just mentioned.<<<
I’m not saying that THESE types of men everywhere. Most guys aren’t very handsome or sharp dressers. Most aren’t cool, popular or socially fluent. Most guys don’t make a ton of money. Most guys have a hard time being charming and confident around women. Most guys don’t know the right words to say or the right time to say them or the right tone of voice to say them. Most don’t have that bad-boy edge to them.
But what I’m saying is that there are QUALITY men everywhere; guys who won’t cheat, lie, steal, play or otherwise hurt you. My point is that the majority of women are going for the former kind of guy expecting them to also be the later, but like I said, you all can’t nab the captain of the lacrosse team.
Redonculus,
sorry guy you're outnumbered by us women. I think my view is biased as a single woman but what you say about how women should go for good guys who won't cheat, lie, and hurt you should apply to men as well. Fact is most men don't value good women who won't lie, cheat, and hurt either and instead go for the ones with the best looking hair and boobs :)
I also believe that men have lower standards than women that's why it's so much easier for them to hook up for the same reason you stated i.e. they only need to woman to be good looking while most women look for the whole package.
I don't have any qualms about wanting a man who I find not only physically attractive (key here is attractive to me, not necessarily mr. hunky hot-bod) as well as highly educated, successful, makes good money (in addition to having a good heart- yes they do exist) b/c I have a good education, am successful and make good money. Why should I settle for less. I don't think I'm asking for anything I can't offer myself.
Sorry to pick on ya, 'donculous, but I have to.
This is absolutely ridiculous, and I'm afraid that many women feel this way.
How misanthropic - the attitude that most people are inferior or aren't quality enough for mating/dating. In an earlier era, almost everyone married. How did this happen? Were people more quality back then?
People aren't as bad as you apparently feel. That includes women and men.
beren,
I hope you were saying this tongue in cheek b/c there's nothing wrong with wanting qualities other than pure biological ones. That's what disntinguish human fr animals. I just thought of an interesting analogy between men and animals b/c men don't tend to look for the whole package as much as women. Good looks and youth are at the top of the list b/c those are the only important factors in the perpetuation of the spieces. You want the best looking, most healthy, vigorous appearing individual to increase the chance of having strong offsprings. Big boobs and nice hair are not only good to look at and touch but also means more milk and nutrition and warmth.
So in the animal kingdom, there's not much selection other than physical ones b/c there's no need for intellectual discourse and someone to go to church with.
Likewise it's not snobby and elitist to categorize certain people as not quality b/c they don't have ambition, they hang out at bars too much, or have no life when you have your stuff together. B/c besides wanting milk and warmth, you also want a companion to talk to and someone to build your dreams with.
Again, when higher needs are not as important, it's much easier to mate. In the old days it was easier b/c needs were simpler. People more often times married out of convenience and practicality so it was easier. I used to think maybe I was born in the wrong time and the wrong place, in another place and time I would have been married with five kids by now. Arranged marriage doesn't seem like such a bad thing b/c then someone would have to marry me instead of having to work to entice a man into marrying me.
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