Are There More Quality Women Then Men?
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Are There More Quality Women Then Men?
| Wed, 01-17-2007 - 11:33am |
I’m just wondering if anyone else feels this way, or is it just the point of view of a slightly jaded, single, 32 year old woman (me) who has yet to find a good catch. Does it seem like, in general, there are a lot more quality women out there than men, or is this a misconception? It’s just that I seem to know so many wonderful women, who have a good head on their shoulders, enjoy life, smart, beautiful, funny, great senses of humor, independent…..and all alone. Also, I always thought the close friends I had for most of my young adult life, would never in a million years settle for less than what they want in a man, yet a lot of them have. Not only that….as soon as a man came into the picture, they just basically disappeared out of my life. Hardly ever do I get a phone call or any attempt to make plans from them anymore, ever since they got into these relationships. I can’t help but be a little offended, because they had a great friend in me….I’m a cool, chic! I’m lots of fun, and love to do things, enjoy life. Yet these friends have chosen to be with drunks, unemployed or underemployed men, emotionally abusive, and in one case, and ex-con with baby mama drama, instead of just having fun and staying single, cause it seems to them that any man is better than none at all. I guess I just don’t get it! Any thoughts on this, or similar experiences? Do you think there is a shortage of quality men? Do you think there are a lot of women out there who think it’s much better to have just any man and say they are in a relationship, rather than to wait for a quality one, who may or may not ever appear?

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Hi Biochick!
"I prefer not to date men in their 40's becuase I want children and I want them to be young enough to run around and play with those children"
That works both ways. I could say I prefer not to date women in their 40's because I do not want to have an underweight baby with a myriad of physical and mental problems. Thats if a pregnancy can happen in the first place.
I think that goes for both people. The likelyhood of a dud swimmer from a 40 something guy is probably 50 percent responsible for those things. I think that if either person is over 35, and there hasn't been an ambiocentisis(sp) done, then those people are borderline criminal in my book.
"Also it's hard to relate on topics of growing up because when you are 10 yrs apart or more you kind of had different things growing up/grew up in a different era"
I was talking about within ten years or so, not being the wierd old guy trolling mosh pits for the 22 yo chick with the great rack. :)
But, common experiences, I don't think that really applies to anyone who hasn't married their high school sweetheart. I agree, a 15/20 year age difference is something, well, else. I don't want to be with a child. And that is what they are. But common experiences? If you are like a lot of the people here, you are very very far from where you grew up, you have no common experiences with that person. Talking about "remember when" kind of stuff, like, "Remember when fonzie called potzie a nerd?" or "Where where you when the first space shuttle blew up?" gets pretty thin after about, I don't know, 15 seconds.
Common experiences, are optimal, but shared experiences are better. I think some of my favorite times are where I see something, or somebody, doing something, weird, and it just jogs a memory, and I look over to her, and she has a giant smile, and says "Don't say an efffing word". heeeeeheheeee. We'll both laugh about it, and the memory, for hours...heheeee
I've lurked here for a long time, and I have liked your posts. Believe it not, they have been inspirational at times to me. I am glad you have found someone. For what it's worth, I have too. Introduced by a friend. He said we would be perfect for each other. After three months of saying no, I said yes. He was right. I am very very very lucky. It's early in, but, I think it is true love, for me anyway. I don't care if it stops tommorrow, this will always be the best time in my life.
Hmm, I don't know. I've found it really makes a difference to be able to, say, reminisce about the first time you heard "Your Song" or "Bohemian Rhapsody" and who you saw for your first concert (and having your partner's answer be a band you recognize, LOL!) and things like that. I think that having common generational (for lack of a better word) experiences (within 5 years or so either way) is important. I love being able to talk about that kind of stuff and have that feeling of recognition in each other's experiences, even though you obviously didn't experience those things together. I've dated much younger and much older men on occasion and I've missed that aspect when there's a big age difference.
That said, we all get to want what we want. If dating much younger women works for you, then that's great. It's interesting though--I have say, having attended both my 25th college and 30th HS reunions recently, that the women as a whole look a HECK of a lot better than the guys. And I've found that many men in my age group (I'm in my late 40s) don't have the energy level to match mine. But I'm not really interested in much younger men, so there you go...I usually date men right around my age. The two guys I'm interested in right now are 51 and 46, respectively. Thankfully, not every guy in my age range is only attracted to much younger women ;-). It will remain to be seen whether they fit into one or more of the three negative categories I posted about earlier in this thread however...although so far they are not falling into the "boring" category so that's good!
Sheri
Hi Muire!
"But most men alone in their 40s are single for good reason....back to your original point...the emotionally healthy men marry women at or close to their own age in their 20s or early 30s."
Agreed. Most healthy women marry men at or close to their own age in their 20's or 30's. Most women alone in their 40's are single for a good reason also. It goes both ways. There are a lot of reasons people are alone. I would venture to say that none of them would describe themselves as low lifes, losers, or complete b@stards.
"I prefer men my own age, give or take five years. But hey, that's just me. And the Walmart comment, well, hell it's true. Do you think Tiger Woods would have this beautiful blonde woman or Howard Stern would be getting young hot chicks if they weren't hauling in the dough? Lets get real here. If a guy were average looking 45, and a plumber, he'd would never pull the younger, hot women. You didn't address my assertion about income. Well? Do you make over 50K/yr? Well, that's why you can "get" younger women. Sorry, it's not your sterling conversation or great looks."
Being with someone your own age, would be the best thing, if it can happen. It just never worked out that way for me, no matter how much I wanted it to happen. I'm not sure, but, are you saying that if there is a large economic disparity between people, that the person who has less is pretty much a whore for being with the other person? I know that happens, but, I am not jaded enough to think that is the norm.
Walmart? heheeee, I could be a 40 something working at walmart and you could be an 8000 year old pile of dust, and you still wouldn't go out with me. It's a bad analogy. But regarding the rest of your statements on that, you are right, and, I don't think you would go out with me if I was a very nice plumber either, 40, 20, doesn't really matter, it's probably not going to happen.
When I was a poor carpenter, the number of nice, educated women, who could hold a conversation beyond what was on TV last thursday, that I went out with, was exactly 0, none, nada, zero. Hey, who woulda thunk it? Those kind of women don't see much of worth in poor carpenters. Not if they have any choice. Salary? 50K? heheeee, if 50K is your "rich" salary cap, I must be Donald freakin Trump, heheeeeee, ahhhhhh, anywhooo, it doesn't do me any good since I live in the SF Bay area, and I do not make 250K a year. Which means I have to sit in traffic, go to work, sit at a desk, and talk to people I don't really like all day, just to pay a rent bill that would stagger anyone who has never been here, or New York City. And, being that there are about ten men to every woman around here, and most of them have a lot more than me, I don't think any possesion, or money I have impresses anyone around here. Especially women, of any age. So, it could be my "Sterling" conversation, or, I might just be a nice guy.
"Oh, another thing. I frequently get hit on by men 10-15 years younger than me. How do you like them apples???"
I love them apples! When I was 30, a nice, beautiful, 45 year old woman decided that I needed, to be, educated, for lack of a better word. Two of the best years of my life! heheeeee She traded me in for a 27 year old that needed education more than I did, or at least had better stamina. heheeeee Live a little. Have some fun. Go out with one of them. Not every single moment, or relationship has to end up in marriage and babies. And,some future wife or girlfriend will secretly be thanking you, whether they know it or not. heheeeee
"I truly believe that not everyone, no matter how desirable,beautiful, etc., will find his/her match."
I believe that too. Thats why I'll take love wherever I can find it, and try to give back as much. Hopefully it will last a lifetime, but, if it doesn't, I'm still good, at least I had it at one time.
Take it easy Muire. It's been nice talking with you.
Hi Potatofarm,
Good for you that you found someone! You are fortunate that the blind date turned out well. I wish I had some luck when my friends fix me up. But, unless the guy sounds just awful, I'll meet him once.
I do believe that I will eventually meet someone right for me. I've read books on the laws of attraction and believe that to a certain extent, we attract certain people or experiences into our lives for a reason. I was divorced many years ago, and I think that for a long, long time, I feared marriage and committment, and consequently, never met anyone I clicked with. I kept choosing the wrong guys and my fears kept the good ones away. So yes, in my case you are right that I'm 40-something and alone for a reason. I've done a lot of inner work and now feel more ready than ever.
Now is the task of finding someone who is available with the qualities I seek. I just want someone who is kind, financially responsible, and attractive in MY eyes. I don't think that is unreasonable, nor are these qualities I myself do not offer.
Anyway, I do appreciate your input here. Sometimes it is stuff we don't want to hear, but I don't feel that all men look for the same things in a partner any more than all women do.
Best of luck in your new relationship! It gives me new hope that fix-ups can work once in a while.
You wrote: "Most women alone in their 40's are single for a good reason also."
Yes, in large part, it's because of the lack of good single men in our age group!
And now we come full circle ;-).
Sheri
Hi potatofarm
I'm hoping that couples are not doomed to have healthy children after age 35 because if me and my bf were to be together he'll be around 40 at that time and me in my mid 30s probably for children so I'm not sure how much men have an affect on the children. I'll definately make sure to have an amniocentisis done just to make sure because I know that no matter who I'm with having children at the time, I'll be in my mid-30s at least or close to it for sure.
Thanks for the compliments on my post. I just try to be as understanding/open-minded as possible to others on the board and at the same time stay true to my beliefs. Not an easy thing to do but I do enjoy posting here. Congrats on your new relationship as well. Here's to both of ours working out for the long-haul.
Biochic
Smile,
Deirdre
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