Are we sabotaging ourselves?

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Are we sabotaging ourselves?
28
Tue, 08-23-2005 - 11:15pm

I sure hope I spelled that right, b/c I can't edit it!


I wonder...does the lack of excitement over meeting someone new sabotage our chances with him?

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 9:56pm

So how do you go on a date with the intentions of having a good time when you feel absolutely no enthusiasm for the person you are going to see?


Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:02pm

PG- that's exactly my point.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:02pm

I'm sorry, Shy, I don't think I understand the question. I'm *open* to having a good time, I'm not expecting that I *won't* have a good time. I'm just open to the possibilities...

And it's not that I feel "no" enthusiasm (I wouldn't bother to meet someone I didn't think had at least the potential to be interesting), I just don't feel a whole bunch!

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:10pm

Gosh...I posted that, like, ten minutes ago and you want me to remember what I meant?


Okay- if you're not excited about doing something (no matter what it is- rock climbing, grocery shopping, whatever) then chances are you won't have a good time doing it.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:18pm

You reworded that the same way I was thinking.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:18pm

Oh, sure, if you have a negative attitude, that's going to affect things. I'm talking about having a neutral to slightly positive attitude...more of a "we'll see" attitude than anything else, maybe?

And having read your post to PG about "duds", you'll get a kick out of this...the latest email I got was from a guy whose handle is "fantasyfootballdud", LOL! I cant' help but wonder, did he run out of letters for his handle and left off the "e", does he not know how to spell "dude"...or is he really a "dud"???

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 08-24-2005 - 10:43pm

Well, as long as we're sharing stories..Here's the text from the profile of the last guy who sent me an icebreaker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 9:09am

Yes - I agree with what you mean about the need not being what it once was. My aunt always bemoans that. She uses me as an example of why she thinks that relationships and marraige and family are in trouble these days. Suceessful woman, great friends, own home, very active life. She sees this as a problem because it distracts us from love and then makes us so independent that the need is no longer there.

I would not be as extreme in my views as she is, but I will say that she has a point. I come from a very accepting, loving, and liberal nuclear family. I was brought up to believe that I can do anything that I set my mind to and take care of myself. Which is great - it has made me the success that I am. On the other hand, my parent's divorce was pretty nasty and my mother, though with the same man for 20 years now, will never remarry and really has a generally bad view of men. So she encouraged me to concentrate all of my efforts on a career and home and getting things for myself. While she meant well, I almost feel cheated sometimes because she was just never interested in me meeting a man and, frankly, still isn't. There is just no priority placed on meeting a partner and building a family so I didn't really start thinking seriously about it until my late 20s.

By the same token, I have missed that shoulder to cry on and that butt to pinch and that smile to assuage life's wounds. I am, at moments, profoundly lonely. I always feel a little silly for it because I am really lucky and am surrounded by friends and family that love me and are extremely supportive of me and good to me. I have it a lot better than many other poor souls. But no amount of love from friends and family can completely fill that void that only a lover is meant to fill.

This past week I have been spending a lot of time thinking about romance and really trying to open myself up to it again. I told my ex that I can't go away with him Labor Day weekend and, instead, am meeting up with 3 friends (who live all across the country) in DC. I am slowly trying to extricate myself from the behavior that allows me to be so complacent about meeting someone new - including booty calls with the ex.

I'm sorry that you had a difficult day - I know how that can be. I hope that you are feeling better and you have to update us on how things go tonight!

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:46pm

Not defensive at all... just know what I know and thought I'd impart it!

and now I chose to not continue a conversation with you!

tata

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 1:48pm

not bitter at all... just been dating long enough to know the game! :) And I've had guys laugh and admit I'm on to something when I've told them my "theory" so I must not be too "lost" (fyi my username has nothing to do with guys! ;) ).

Thanks for taking time to reply to me! I am rather intoxicating... but not due to bitterness! :)