ARGH! Silent treatment at work
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ARGH! Silent treatment at work
| Tue, 04-24-2007 - 6:20pm |
Not dating related, but I'd love your advice on this situation.
My boss has been giving me the silent treatment at work since last Monday. He won't say hello to me, he won't respond to my e-mails, he won't make eye contact or even look in my direction. He goes out of his way to stop and chat with my coworker who is right across the hall from me, but ignores me.
The only words he's spoken to me were in our department meeting last week, and that was because our "big boss" was in the room. He responded to a question of mine, but looked at HER (the big boss) when he responded.
I normally have a pretty thick skin, but this is really getting to me. I can't figure out what I did to tick him off.
So, what would you do?

Well, I'm a pretty direct person so I'd probably ambush him in his office and ask (politely but directly) what the issue is, but I suppose it really depends on the circumstances. What kind of relationship did you have with him before this happened? Has he done this before?
Is there anyone at work who could kind of mentor you on this, who knows him and what he's like?
Sheri
It's a long story, but he's fairly new to the company (less than six months). He came in after my former boss left, they merged our department with another department, restructured, etc. So, there were definite growing pains as a result of all those changes.
However, he hasn't done this to me before and we did have a cordial relationship before. He's very chummy and even light-hearted with people outside our department, but he's always been more guarded with me.
I'm not usually one to take the bull by the horns in these situations, but I might just have to confront him like you said. Honestly, I'm a little concerned about the fallout if I do that. Things around here are shaky in general lately, so I'm concerned about a domino effect.
I guess I feel like, as the boss, he should be the one to come talk to me if he has a problem with me. I just don't understand why he hasn't.
Honestly, I think some of this drama at work is a big reason why I don't have the energy to date right now. I'm so weary of drama, I'm trying to eliminate as much of it as possible from my life.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Well, yes, of course he *should* come talk to you as the manager if there's a problem, but if he's not, then I do think taking the bull by the horns makes sense. So long as you're polite and phrase it so as not to make him defensive, he might even be relieved that you brought it up so he didn't have to. But if there's someone higher up you're friendly with that you could run this by and trust them to keep it confidential, that would be what I would do first.
I hate to make you paranoid, but is it possible he's having to let some people go and that you might be one of them? He might be "detaching" from you in order to make that easier. I don't know, it's just something that occurred to me.
If the drama is par for the course at work, is a job change a possibility for you?
Sheri
As a manager myself I would recommend going to confront him in the most respectful way -- DO NOT BE
If it doesn't change after that then I would go to upper management or HR to deal with the situation. Good luck.
Is there a possibility that he could be threatened by you?
>>If the drama is par for the course at work, is a job change a possibility for you?<<
I'm looking right now. So, I hope something worthwhile comes along soon. The drama is pretty ongoing, and not just isolated to one department or person. A lot of other people are experiencing similar issues throughout the organization. Most of it can be traced to second-in-command at the company. The whole problem of the you-know-what trickling downhill.
The layoff possibility did cross my mind, but I don't think that's it. I worked at a high-tech PR firm during the tech crash and survived five rounds of layoffs -- so I know exactly what it feels like when a company is about to make that kind of move.
In any case, I do know it's not healthy or normal for an organization to function this way. Life is too short to endure this kind of treatment, and I spend way too much time at work -- it might as well be somewhere where at least feel like a valued member of the team.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I'd be direct.
I'd ask him straight up "do we have a problem".
Has anything odd happened that would trigger this?
edited: should have read the other posts first...looks like you got some good advice.
Edited 4/25/2007 11:34 am ET by sisfox
Thanks for all your replies, everyone. Your advice is really helpful.
To biochic- Honestly, I am fairly self-sufficient in my job. I don't really need his input to get things done, unless it has to do with very high-level strategy/direction. I am mid-level in my career and at this company. I don't oversee any staff, but I am project manager for several ongoing projects.
I think that's part of the problem -- I don't really need to be "managed" per se in what I do, but I would like to feel like I am part of the team. I think being acknowledged as a human being would be a good start. I would settle for a 'hello' in the morning - you know, common courtesy.
It occurs to me as I say that that maybe I am the one who can make the effort to stop by his office and say hello more often. I think I might just start there and see what happens. If the cold shoulder continues, then I will elevate the conversation as you all suggested -- framed as looking for communication advice and wanting to be as effective as possible.
Thanks, everyone! I really appreciate the advice and support. It's been a rough few weeks and I am sort of at my wits' end.
AJ, enjoying life with C.