Attracted to a jerk!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Attracted to a jerk!
4
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 3:15pm

I can't figure myself out on this one. Met a guy a few months ago and at first he was awesome! Such a gentleman & we had an awesome time together. Then quite suddenly he seemed to show his true colors - being late, not calling when he said he would, being negative - etc etc. So, dissapointed, I let everything fall to the wayside...not putting up with that!

Well we're bound to run into each other (share friends) and I'm concerned that I'll still be attracted to him and hoping things will be different when the rational side of me knows that's not possible. Why is that? Plus what if he acts differently - more like the first couple of times we went out? If he attempts to get close, should I pull away?

Hrmph! I just need some advice and insight...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 4:50pm

IME, once a guy has acted like that, I find him so unattractive that when we inevitably do meet up, I'm basically repulsed by him.

I'm betting you'll find that his personality has made him unattractive to you and you won't have this problem. You obviously have enough self esteem that you didn't put up with his crap before!


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2007
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 8:21pm

If you run into him - remind yourself what a jerk he was!

I dated a guy for a couple of months who up and stopped calling me 'all of a sudden' and then 4 months later wanted to start dating again - at first, I kept him at bay and only accepted his emails and then (stupidly) I accepted an invitation to dinner. At first, things were great - but again, the same rigamorow started again - not returning my calls, leaving town when we had plans, etc.

I finally called him out on it, and he promised me he'd change. He tried, but it just wasn't in him. I stopped taking his calls, stopped responding to his emails, etc.

A month later, I met my current boyfriend, and we've been dating now for 18 months.

Today, he (my ex) will email me randomly asking advice or saying hello. I am cordial - but he was a jerk and I had to remind myself of that!

~Sarah
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 8:29am
I agree with the other posters. Just remind yourself what a jerk he is and that should keep you from wanting to be with him. And you're right, he is a jerk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 2:47pm

Kudos to you for seeing him for what he is. Now you just have to remember that. The problem is that most jerks come off as being self-assured and assertive, even though the opposite is usually true. As women we tend to gravitate toward "manly-men" because nature dictates that he is the strongest of the herd. Hey, we are all actually animals, right?

Anyway, I've been down this road. I fell in love with a guy who promised me the world. He was my knight in shining armor and he was wonderful. But as it always does, the true jerk in him came out before long. Nine months later I am still reeling and everytime I see him I want to grovel at his feet and beg for him to take my back. {{{sigh}}}

What helps me is realizing that I am a princess who must be treated as such. And I have so much to offer that HE doesn't deserve. Even when I start to think "what if he changed? What if he was just going through a bad time?" I remind myself that if he truly changed he would go out of his way to prove it to me. Otherwise, move on to a guy who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.