Avoiding another couples work function
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| Thu, 06-14-2007 - 6:00pm |
So my department worked our butts off for the last year, all to get compliant with new Sarbanes Oxley regulations, (I work in Accounting) Auditors, and consultants ALL OVER us, for a YEAR. Finally it ended at end of April/beginning of May. Two other departments were involved in becoming compliant with the new regulations, but no one worked harder than Accounting. So a month ago, Accounting and about 5 other departments were awarded a "team" award. We were informed that in addition to a plaque with our names on the award (which half of the people named on the award, did SQUAT), all members of the "team" were "entitled to dinner at a fancy restaurant."... "All members of the team are encouraged to invite a guest to the group dinner." Strike one. But the e-mail also said "for those of you who cannot attend the group dinner, you can go to your own separate dinner on your own and expense it to HR for reimbursement."
The e-mail was a month ago and no one who was supposed to arrange the group dinner ever did anything about following up on it, until after HR received the expense report from a single childless female employee who took the initiative, and didn't wait for the group invitation. She took her mother and herself out to a nice restaurant on her own, and put the expense reimbursement into process. THEN once HR saw her expense report, they tried to put out an invitation to the rest of us, for an "team award dinner" at a place that is basically like Chuck E Cheese, only for adults. A loud arcade type Chili's type restaurant where you eat and play arcade games in a really loud setting. Not anyone's idea of the "fancy restaurant" we were told a month ago, that we would be going to. The only people who replied to this invitation to the Arcade place dinner, were a handful of us who said "sorry, I have other plans that night" Judging from the pressure we got this morning (described below) apparently no one replied to say yes. They were also now not only going to make it a couples event, but people were invited to bring their children too.
So today the arranger of the Arcade dinner, followed up saying "for those of you who haven't responded, please let me know by today." then 10 minutes later, his boss sent another e-mail saying to the group "if none of you like our venue, let us know and we will arrange another restaurant" Two minutes after her e-mail, she was over here in my department, to each one of us, saying "what's your excuse..." then to the next one, "what's YOUR excuse?!?!" Each and every one of us said "oh, I'm busy that night..." She said she will arrange something else, but so far, no further discussion or e-mails about the whole thing.
I want to do what the first woman did, a single and childless female, which would be to go to my own private dinner at a favorite classy restaurant, with a good friend who is like a sister to me, and get reimbursed. Even if they were to arrange an alternative to this Chuck E Cheese for adults arcade place, it is still going to be a couples and children function. I understand that this is nice of them to try to accomodate those with children, if they cannot get away for the night on account of having kids...I understand that they are trying to accomodate and make them comfortable, but am I wrong to take into account that single employees like myself, sans children, wish to feel comfortable too? I worked my A$$ off for a year, almost having a nervous breakdown on account of having 9 consultants and about the same number of Auditors, all over me constantly...I would rather observe my award dinner privately in the comfort of a favorite restaurant with a close friend, rather than feeling totally out of place in a couples/family function. Not only this, but there were people left off the award who deserved to be included, and still quite a good number of people who did nothing, that are included who shouldn't have been...
Just needed to vent, I guess, and sorry for being so long. It really bothers me that the arranger's boss came to each and every one of us in my department and pressured all of us. All the rest of my department wishes to go to their own private dinner at the restaurant of their choice, as well.
Thanks for listening

I think it's odd that they offered to pay for you to go alone and didn't pick the place or put a limit on it.
Part of my old job was hosting nights out for supportive accounts . . .places that offered those $100 steaks. Basic rule 101, business dinner . . no spouses, no dates. THAT also pissed a lot of people off . . but it was about business as was this offer . . they clearly have little experience with this kind of thing.
You just can't make everybody happy with these sorts of things.
Since this is really a team-building sort of thing, it seems to me that they shouldn't have offered the alternative restaurant thing. It seems to defeat the purpose to me. I think it's fine to have spouses come and to let singles invite someone if they want to (although who wants to go to someone else's work function really?) The children thing is more problematic. I think the kids should have not been invited. If childcare is such a huge issue for so many people at your workplace, then a suitable venue should have been found, possibly somehwere that had babysitters on site.
I agree, I don't want to go to some noisy game arcade just so people can bring their kids. That's not elegant or fun.
I think the company shouldn't have offered a choice. Here's the restaurant, here's the night, bring a guest, but not your kids. Period.
Thank you for the replies, all...
What I might not have made clear is that this choice to do a fancy dinner on your own, seemed to be put out there as an alternative, in the event that one could not make it to the group meal. "For those of you who cannot attend the group dinner, you can go to your own separate dinner and expense it to the company..."
the other thing I didn't mention, sorry, was that they did put a cap on the amount that anyone could spend---$100.00 per person, $200.00 per couple. The first single woman employee who took the initiative and went to her own dinner with her mother, she did keep it under the limit. I don't know, but I still think that the arrangers of this were prompted to try to throw something together AFTER the one woman who went to her own dinner, put her expense report through, like "We should get the group together before everyone else goes to their own dinner on their own" kind of thing. Like you said, it is supposed to be a "team" dinner and they probably want the team, together. The thing is, most people seem to want to go to their own separate dinner...at least in my department, all of us are saying "sorry, I can't make it that night..."
So far, nothing has been brought up since yesterday AM, no more e-mails or talk about it at this point. Something I was thinking, what they should have done instead, was make it a team award LUNCH, only for the employees, without all the extraneous guests, at a fine restaurant for several hours. This way, not only in the case of a single person being uncomfortable at a couples function, it would be more comfortable for them; Also for the people with kids and spouses to try to coordinate with, it would have been easier all around just to do a fancy lunch for the employees only, during work hours.
You aren't wrong and I wouldn't feel remotely bad about it but I would go to dinner soon and expense it out so that they wouldn't "forget" that they put that stipulation in there that you could do that.
We have an "Admin Day" every year where everyone at our administrative office has a group event we go too and it's fun. Sometimes it's a sporting event and lunch and then we get the rest of the day off, well a few years ago it started becoming every year more and more about those with children, one year it was a amusement park event and those with kids were encouraged to bring their kids (so obviously their wives or husbands were allowed to come since they would have to in order to bring the kids) HOWEVER other people couldn't bring their significant others to the event unless they were bringing kids which wasn't very fair and so the next year when they were discussing it many of us kind of made an uproar about it that we were the ones that put in the work, it was suppose to be about US in the office not about the kids, not about the spouses of those with kids just us in the office and it was unfair to those of us who didn't have kids. So it got nixed and from then on the events were just about us. I mean we have halloween parties, holiday parties, etc. that kids are invited too every year, they don't have to be invited to this too. And I had NO problem speaking up about it.
Smile,
Deirdre