Bachelor Paris

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Bachelor Paris
8
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 11:51am

I have never been sucked into any of the previous Bachelors or Bachelorettes, but I got sucked into this one.

I just have to say HOORAY that he chose the emotionally stable, sweet, honest, real girl over the needy girl who needed someone to "complete" her and fill up some huge hole in her heart. (and for her sake, I hope she finds a way to fill that hole for herself).

Score one for the good girls. :) Who knows if it will work long term (probably not), but it was a nice ending to the show.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:21pm
Mmm.... I don't watch the show so I don't know what exactly the needy woman needs to be completed. Can you fill me in a little bit? But my question is how does someone find a way to fill the hole herself?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 12:30pm

I wasn't quite as excited as everyone else - I really was sucked into the show and watched it religiously but did not have a favorite between Moana and Sarah. Moana definitely has some emotional issues that she needs to work on. But she also came across as more intelligent and articulate than Sarah (and she was certainly more beautiful). Sarah was sweet but not particularly sophisticated. They both had their positive and negative qualities. Moana totally blew the dinner with his family but I have to say that I actually cried during her final limo scene and I never do that. I just feel badly for her and can kind of relate to her in some ways. But, ultimately I can see that Sarah is a better choice for long-term prospects. At least at this point in her life. When Moana gets it together, she will be a great catch too.

Not that I am obsessed with the show or anything/ :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 2:14pm

I agree that Moana was beautiful and smart, but it really bothered me that she kept saying things like: I have never felt worthy, you're the first person who has made me feel worthy, you have given me a piece of myself... She also broke down in tears so much (and I am an emotional, teary person)that it seemed like some issues were coming up that she needed to deal with. She was looking for him to make her feel like a complete, worthwhile person -- and no other person can do that for you. You have to do that for yourself. I did feel bad for her at the end, and I honestly hope that she's ok - but I don't think a relationship is what she needed at this point in her life.

Sarah just seemed much more ready for a real relationship.

To the previous poster in regard to filling a hole for yourself. That's a big can of worms. I think we all have holes we need to fill. Sometimes it can mean identifying things in your past that have created patterns in your relationship life (i.e. dad left when you were little and made you afraid of abandonment). It can be any number of things - sometimes therapy can help people identify it.

The mistake that a lot of people make is thinking that someone else, by loving you, being with you, taking care of you, can fill that emptiness. Really, it's a personal burden and you have to learn to get past the issues for yourself in your own way. Make sense? That doesn't mean you can't do that while also being in a relationship. It just means that you shouldn't expect your partner to make you feel worthy or whole.

At least, that's how I see it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 2:52pm
I think I understand what you mean in "filling the holes yourself". Yet I think that other people's confirmation can be helpful. I don't mean that you are relegating the work to others, but they can give you a sense of direction, because tackling old problems involves breaking bad habits, taking new risks, and so on. From my own experience, while progress is exciting, I become more and more unsure of myself. I would ask myself, for example, "Am I doing this right," or "Man, I still have a long way to go ...." I want to FEEL that I am really changing! So, in that sense, having other people's confirmation is helpful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 2:55pm

Yes - sadly, she does have a lot of issues to work on and I agree that she really seems to identify herself too much by the way that Travis sees her. I can sort of see how she got there - so many sound bites about how she had been hurt in her past and then she finally opens herself up to someone and she doesn't really know how to handle it because she has probably never had a healthy relationship. But I just did not get a sense of chemistry or intimacy from Travis and Sarah. While you certainly cannot base a relationship on chemistry, you can't have one without it either.

Personally, I cannot imagine having to have a relationship in the public eye like that. There are enough pitfalls to deal with when there isn't the added pressure of the public watching your every move. But I did love watching this season. This one and the season with Andrew and Jen. I couldn't really get into the rest of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 4:13pm

Support is very necessary for the process, I agree. That can come from an SO, friends, family, a therapist, etc. They are the ones that can help you get started down the right path, but it is your path to walk.

I think what I am getting at is more about needing someone (a man) in your life in order to feel like you have succeeded and that you are a good person in the eyes of the world. Feeling unworthy without the validation of another person.

Jules -- yeah, there is no way I would ever: 1) want to start a relationship with cameras capturing every intimate moment; 2) compete with 24 other women for one man; and 3) travel to some unknown destination to meet a man who may or may not be worth the effort anyway. Honestly, this guy is handsome - but he didn't project much personality on screen. I think they all held back a bit because of the camera. Not the makings of a dream romance in my mind.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 5:47pm

I agree. I was glad he chose the girl with her act together, even if the relationship came across dull on television. The poor other girl just needs time to get herself in order. She was very articulate and came across as very deep but to me, it seemed like a substitute for being real. Instead of saying "we get along and enjoy the same things and share values and opinions" she just said something like "he completes me". While that feeling may have it's place, it's not the only thing that will hold a relationship together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 5:55pm

That line "you complete me" has bothered me since Jerry MacGuire. :)

I totally agree - a relationship needs to be based on everyday stuff like having similar outlooks and values, some common interests (not all, but some), the ability to be real together, etc. You also need the extra something that makes you feel connected and creates chemistry, but that is not solid enough to base an entire relationship on.

AJ, enjoying life with C.