Back to square one- just broke up
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| Sun, 02-19-2006 - 10:43pm |
I broke up with this guy i was seeing for the past 6 or 7 weeks.
I met him on New Year's Eve. THings were going nicely. But something was off. Our dates were always wonderful- it was the time between that confused me. He would make a lot of empty promises (ie: i'll call you soon. we'll do something sunday...etc.) and there was just something off there.
Finally, after a wonderful valentine's day dinner and movie- the week after that was just so weird. No phone call. I left a message for him, no response. I heard he was out buying beer and hanging out with the guys on one night- which was odd to me considering he told me he doesn't have any friends and has a lot of free time.
Basically his actions didn't match his words.
So I called him yesterday at around noon and got around to the whole "where do you see this thing going." And was able to finally say "i think we should just end things now."
It was hard of course. I had something with him that I didn't have in my last relationship (one that lasted 4 years that i ended almost 6 months ago)-passion. He was the best kisser.
Unfortunately, that wasn't enough. I miss him though. I miss the idea that I'll see him next weekend. Just his smell. His kiss. The way we'd hold hands.
Wow, it's really weird that this hurts this much. We hadn't said the "L" word of course- but I wonder if I was starting to fall for him.
NEvermind the red flags- the whole thing about him being a pothead and spending his nights smoking up and playing video games. Or his holding back things from me. Or his actions not matching his words. I also found out after ending things that he used to be married! So obviously that was one of the things I was picking up on- one of those "there's something he's not telling me and i can't trust him" feelings.
It still hurts though. I know he wasn't good enough for me and was a bit of a loser. Immature, self-absorbed...etc. But not that i would say that to him. We ended things very friendly. He asked if I would smile if i saw him or if i would give him the cold shoulder. I told him "why would i give you the cold shoulder? i think we're both agreeing here that we just aren't meant to be together. there's no anomosity."
Anyway, that said. I feel very, strange tonight. I still secretly hope that he'll call me up and say he is ready for a real relationship and he wants me back and will change his ways. But i know that won't happen. And if it did happen, that that would just be words and not enough for me to really want to put myself through this confusion again.
What scares me most- the next relationship. I mean, i'm sure i'll meet someone again and romance will ensue. But i'm scared of this heartbreak again. I'm scared of starting to get emotionally attached and then realize it's not right. Or worse, to be dumped. I've never been dumped, but expect it would feel even worse than how i feel right now.
I actually just watched a documentary called Dumped- was coincedently on tv today. It actually helped me. One lady on there said something so true. That if there was a pill to cure heartbreak, then we really would be in an Orwellian world. With love comes heartache and that's what makes life worth living. The ups and the downs and the emotions. The experiences that help us grow and be better people in the end.
Anyway, to end my rant. I still feel kind of crappy. But i hope that this goes away soon.

It's not him you're missing, it's just a relationship and you can have that with many, many other people.
Girlfriend, I read your post and I couldn't believe it. the same exact thing happened to me - its freaky. dated a guy that I was doing a play with for about two months and things were great - lots of passion, romance, affection. (but I had the same instinct that he was holding some things back) I had just ended a three-year relationship right before that in which there was no passion at all and the guy was a jerk. the new guy was making all kinds of promises also (we'll go here for the weekend, i'll take you here etc). He was also previously married. After our play wrapped, he started flaking out, going out of town and not calling for days and then calling and acting like nothing was up. I eventually ended it a few weeks ago because I knew that I could not be in a relationship like that - but I still had a lot of feelings for him!
The week after I broke up with him was hard, I cried a lot and even debated whether I had done the right thing. I even drove out to his house (luckily, he wasn't there). Same as you, I was hoping that he would call and say that he was ready for a real relationship. Just like you, I was sad that I had nothing to look forward to on the weekends, I missed snuggling up at the movies or making out (he was also the best kisser).
I am telling you now that you did the right thing and it gets easier!! What you miss is not him, but the feelings that you had with him, the excitement of seeing him etc. You will find that with someone else who will also be there for you. Being alone does suck at first, but it gets easier. Plan dates with yourself - rent movies that you love, focus on the fact that you took care of yourself and got out of something that you knew wasn't good for you. Just like you, this guy was not good enough for me. I am a classy, attractive woman with a good job - as I'm sure you are. But understandably, you wanted passion and excitement after being in a long-term relationship, as did I.
This guy called me about a week after I broke up with him to say that he missed me. I got really excited when he called and my feelings started to come back. Luckily, he was out of town when he called. But now my feelings for him are almost gone and I know that there are a million guys out there who would love to treat me right and be in my life. Plus, the fact that you had an initial instinct about him is a good thing - that means your intuition is alive and kicking and you should always follow it.
IT DOES GET EASIER. You are fabulous! Mentally picture your phone ringing off the hook with guys who want to spend time with you. Your emotions on in the habit of yearning for this guy, but they will get back to normal in no time. Appreciate the fact that you had a fun fling, got some good affection and now its on to the next stage of your life - focusing on you!!
Remember, if its meant to work out, it will - no matter what you do or don't do.
I like what you said at the end - the experience helps us grow. Even the painful and difficult experiences make life better in the long run, because you have learned something in the process.
It will be better next time around with a healthy guy. You will know what you need, and what you will and will not put up with.
Breaking up is never easy. The loneliness hurts, as does the longing to have someone near. But, it will be better when that someone is the right match for you. The pain eases in time as well.
Give yourself time to heal, feel the pain, and learn from it.
Hang in there. Hugs.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing that with me. I don't have any female friends that are going through anything like this right now- so it's soooo nice to hear that another attractive, smart and funny woman went through what i just did.
I like your idea of mentally picturing my phone ringing off the hook with guys who are interested in me. I gotta start thinking that way.
I'm still feeling a bit rough. Still wondering if he will call and want me and say he'll change his ways. But I know that won't happen and i think in a few days I won't want that anymore. I think i'll soon be able to feel normal again.
Anyway, thanks again. Rushing off now to have some coffee with a friend. Trying to keep busy this week!