Shywon i really enjoy reading your excellent posts here on the single life board, i think you are a great(and a very intelligent) person and all i can say is im so so so sorry..
Trust me. I totally know. My marriage failed and due to an affair on his part. Nothing more than feeling like a failure more than that and I wish it were for some hot young 20 year old but it was for a 15 year older woman who had 5 kids and was on welfare talk about a blow to my ego. And I'm turning 34 in another month my biological clock is screaming at me, I'm seriously considering going the single mom route so don't think it's not any different for the rest of us out here.
Hugs hang in there. I know your sad. But you aren't a failure. I'm going to keep saying it until you believe me darn it!!!!
Aww hon, I'm really sorry to hear that. I was rooting for you guys. Remember to take some time for yourself to grieve. It's going to take some time as breakups always do, but be extra kind to yourself during this time. There IS a man out there who will feel it and love you for everything you are. Don't become bitchier. Just be yourself, you don't need to change for others because you are just fine the way that you are. Another thing that has helped me in the past through breakups is remembering all the things that I didn't like about that person and to know that with starting over you can find someone with more of the qualities you DO like. Hang in there.
I agree that you shouldn't take him back even if he crawls on his hands and knees and pleads with you. Once they decide that they don't want to be in it then usually even if they do come back they are only half way there (like you mentioned). I've had men do the same with me and at the time I was so hurt and felt betrayed that I couldn't take them back even if I tried. Once they make that decision even if only a couple weeks or month later that they come back I usually tell them "sorry buddy, you lost your chance, you made your decision now I'm moving on." Stay strong!
It does suck that men never want to talk about it, they just do it. If I hear the line that a man doesn't feel a "spark" or the "magic" one more time, I am going to scream. He was obviously feeling something to date you for so many months. GRR.
Anyway, I know it stinks and I am thinking of you. Hang in there!
"If I hear the line that a man doesn't feel a "spark" or the "magic" one more time, I am going to scream. He was obviously feeling something to date you for so many months. GRR."
I was thinking the same thing when I read that line. Of course chemistry and lust is going to fade some when you've been dating several months or longer, the infatuation stage doesn't last forever. I think a lot of guys expect that stage to last and when it's not exactly the same as it was before they run for the hills. I think this is a cop out. I heard that "feelings" come and go with any LTR and it's not consistant like in the beginning. It takes work to recreate these feelings sometimes because you get so used to having the person around that they become more like a friend to you.
>>It was something more sustainable than the initial fire.<<
Yes! Isn't that what most of us are looking for anyway? Sustainable? That's why it is so aggravating when guys bail because the butterfly stage is over. I think the post-butterfly, comfortable stage is the BEST part, and I can't wait to get there with someone again.
>>He's not the first guy to bail for that reason, though. I've had many, many guys leave when the newness wears off.<<
So have I, that's why I can definitely empathize with you right now. It makes it just that much harder to try again with someone new. Give yourself time and space. You are wonderful and worth it, and someone will realize that and hang on for dear life when he finds you. For now, just take care of you, though.
You are one up on him because you have a mature viewpoint on relationships and you realize that the newness always does fade, but you were willing to stick it out through that phase and grow in the relationship together based on a stronger friendship. He was the one that copped out of it and wasn't willing to see, so his loss. Hang in there, I agree with Tallgirl, you are a great person and you will find a good solid relationship in the future with someone who will be willing to stick it out. For now take care of yourself and give yourself a dating break.
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Shywon i really enjoy reading your excellent posts here on the single life board, i think you are a great(and a very intelligent) person and all i can say is im so so so sorry..
:(((
Rocklady.
I feel like a failure because it's yet another relationship that I couldn't make work.
Trust me. I totally know. My marriage failed and due to an affair on his part. Nothing more than feeling like a failure more than that and I wish it were for some hot young 20 year old but it was for a 15 year older woman who had 5 kids and was on welfare talk about a blow to my ego. And I'm turning 34 in another month my biological clock is screaming at me, I'm seriously considering going the single mom route so don't think it's not any different for the rest of us out here.
Hugs hang in there. I know your sad. But you aren't a failure. I'm going to keep saying it until you believe me darn it!!!!
Smile,
Deirdre
Another thing that has helped me in the past through breakups is remembering all the things that I didn't like about that person and to know that with starting over you can find someone with more of the qualities you DO like. Hang in there.
Oh, Shy. I'm so sorry. {{{BIG HUGS}}}
It does suck that men never want to talk about it, they just do it. If I hear the line that a man doesn't feel a "spark" or the "magic" one more time, I am going to scream. He was obviously feeling something to date you for so many months. GRR.
Anyway, I know it stinks and I am thinking of you. Hang in there!
AJ, enjoying life with C.
"If I hear the line that a man doesn't feel a "spark" or the "magic" one more time, I am going to scream. He was obviously feeling something to date you for so many months. GRR."
I was thinking the same thing when I read that line. Of course chemistry and lust is going to fade some when you've been dating several months or longer, the infatuation stage doesn't last forever. I think a lot of guys expect that stage to last and when it's not exactly the same as it was before they run for the hills. I think this is a cop out. I heard that "feelings" come and go with any LTR and it's not consistant like in the beginning. It takes work to recreate these feelings sometimes because you get so used to having the person around that they become more like a friend to you.
Exactly! I went through wondering about the chemistry or magic as he called it, but then I realized that things had just changed.
>>It was something more sustainable than the initial fire.<<
Yes! Isn't that what most of us are looking for anyway? Sustainable? That's why it is so aggravating when guys bail because the butterfly stage is over. I think the post-butterfly, comfortable stage is the BEST part, and I can't wait to get there with someone again.
>>He's not the first guy to bail for that reason, though. I've had many, many guys leave when the newness wears off.<<
So have I, that's why I can definitely empathize with you right now. It makes it just that much harder to try again with someone new. Give yourself time and space. You are wonderful and worth it, and someone will realize that and hang on for dear life when he finds you. For now, just take care of you, though.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Hang in there, I agree with Tallgirl, you are a great person and you will find a good solid relationship in the future with someone who will be willing to stick it out.
For now take care of yourself and give yourself a dating break.
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