Back to square one

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Registered: 03-20-2003
Back to square one
41
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 8:19pm

T and I broke up last night.

Avatar for cl_shywon
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 2:12pm

Because it's the wuss way out.

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Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 2:51pm
ITA shy. I would feel the same EXACT way that you feel right now. This was a long term (several month if not close to a year if I"m not mistaken) relationship. The least he could have done is explain himself in person. Maybe he was afraid of having a discussion and changing his mind about breaking it off, but honestly only that final discussion in person would give me closure too. I'm not even in this situation, but I hate seeing others get hurt by things like this because i would be livid too. Hugs, going through the anger is a good thing right now because then you are grieving it.
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Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 04-05-2007 - 3:36pm

My first boyfriend broke up with me by standing me up, then because I was young and didn't know any better, I stalked him until I finally tracked him down on the phone by calling his work and demanded to know if he was dumping me.

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Registered: 11-17-2004
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 4:58pm

Shy, I'm so sorry to hear this...I've been away from the board for a while and was just coming to post my own stuff. I hope you're doing okay, and I know that everyone says it, but there's better ones out there.

***hugs***

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Registered: 04-07-2003
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 5:45pm
"I think a man wants to be needed, or saying it in a healthier way "wanted". We can still be independent women but really want someone in our lives and be ok asking for help sometimes. I notice I have a hard time asking for and accepting help. Sometimes the guys like to take care of us too like paying for dinner a lot, fixing stuff around the house for us. They like to feel important and that we do need them around for certain things KWIM? I think there is a fine balance of being "needy" vs allowing them to help us and be there for us."

summer 2010 sig by Tara

Avatar for mhash
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 04-07-2007 - 12:10pm

I am sorry Shy. I was not sensitive enough to realize that my post would trigger anger because you are needing empathy not questioning on why someone would want closure in person rather than on the phone.

You must be hurting from not getting your need met for respect and closure, for not having honesty or authenticity? I would think that actually meeting with him would have met those needs.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 11:48am

I was thinking the same thing. Also, there are other ways to have a man feel needed w/o asking him for help. For instance, get him to teach or show you something he loves. Thats a great way to great that "sustainable" deeper feeling - sharing something you love besides each other.

I'm so sorry to hear about this Shy. Don't give up now - you know I didn't meet that special someone until I was 31. Eventually, you will find a guy who appreciates sweet and independant. I KNOW they are out there. I can't introduce you bc I'm not sweet...lol...just kidding. But you don't have to be a bitch to demand what you want out of life. Don't be afraid to speak up, put your foot down and rock the boat a little (only if you need to).

Sending you some happy thoughts,

Go

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Registered: 03-16-2007
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 5:20pm

Hey girl! I'm so sorry to read this! Boys are dumb! :p I often call P my "stupid boy"! :)

Something that's been discussed in all the replies that I wanted to comment on was, I'm learning these days that the "sustainable" love is so much better than the initial spark and magic! Not that you aren't aware of that but it took me a LONG time to understand it. There was a period of time when I didn't and confided in others that I just didn't "feel it" anymore - which ofcourse they tried to offer advice to move on. Fortunately, I didn't listen! I didn't feel the "spark/magic" anymore but that didn't mean I didn't/don't love him. Instead I'm discovering that the sustainable love is what will take us into the long haul. I'm not sure I believe in "forever" love yet... but I'm finding the more I appreciate our "sustainable" love and that it will take work and commitment and I'm ready for that - I can see the tunnel is much deeper than the spark/magic tunnel! If that makes any sense!

Another thing I've found... being independent is a two-edged sword. So often I find myself saying "I can do it!" - proud of the fact that I've been self-sufficient for so many years... but now resting in my relationship and allowing myself to be vulnerable to P, I find myself wanting to be taken care of - not because I can't check the air in my tires and watch for signs to take it to the dealership - but because it makes me feel cared for! Just as he took care of himself before me - I like to take care of some things now - to care for him!

Anyway... that's neither here nor there - but I guess when you are with a man that is confident and respects your independence and is eady to commit past the "magic" stage... you can be you and it all just works out!

Hang in there chica! just as T came along - so too will another! And you've learned from T, so the next one will HAVE to be better! And when T comes a' calling wanting you back... oh sweet satisfaction when you've moved on! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 5:48pm

I don't think you need to be bitchier, you just need to find the right friend.

I hope you are feeling better, if not, then imagine I am holding your hand.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:58pm

Ya know, every woman I've talked to has said the same thing about the sustainable love thing.