Bad at Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Bad at Being Alone
4
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:09am

Does anyone have any tips for a girl like me, who is awful at being alone? I have started to see a therapist and it's helping but I wish I wasn't like this. I'm confident and I love myself and my friends and my job and my hobbies but I essentially don't feel completely happy without a man in my life. Especially during these cold months, it's so hard for me to not have that emotional support and love from a man. I crave intimacy (especially when compared to the single bar scene) I take such great comfort in knowing that a boyfriend loves me and is there for me emotionally. Part of the problem is that I've had relationships my whole life so I'm so used to them - it's like I never learned to develop the "tough skin" of a single girl.

When I'm in a relationship I am always my own person and I have ended several relationships that didn't feel right, knowing that doing so would leave me single. I have loving friends and family but the unromantic love that they provide does not fill that void in me.

I know this feeling is pretty common among single girls but it's so severe in me that I must have some sort of "neediness" emotional issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2003
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:30am
I can't say that I am the best person to give advice, but becoming freshly single I think it is important for me to embrace being alone and fall back in love with just being me. I don't think we can truly make anyone else happy unless we are happy ourselves. Not to say that you aren't. Maybe making a concious effort to find that happiness while not romantically involved will help to make you more comfortable with it.
Being alone is hard for anyone, but if you can find that happiness then you will never truly be alone.
I am in the same boat now. I have am, for the very first time in my life, going to live completely on my own.
Just keep your head up. Love yourself and everything else will fall into place.
~Chloe
Lilypie First Birthday tickers
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 5:53pm
I'm sooo the same way. I've always been independent in relationships and am never clingy, but at the same time I feel very lonely without a man in my life.
I'm managing I suppose- have friends, a job, some hobbies. But when it's cold out, or when i see happy couples together, i just miss that emotional support that i would get from my previous boyfriends.
I wish I could say i want to toughen up, but at the same time I know some tough single girls and they come across as cold and hard to approach- which is why i think they aren't attracting men. So I want to stay warm and loving, but do need to toughen up somehow I suppose.
I have no advice- just try to enjoy being single. Somehow. I mean, there are perks. The biggest one- you're available for when mr.right comes along. And, you aren't settling! Even when you feel lonely, you can still smile and appear strong on the outside.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:37pm

Thanks so much for your reply! It nice to know there are others of us out there!! What's been especially upsetting is that I find it difficult to talk about this with my friends -- neither the girls in relationships nor my serially single friends can relate to the void that I feel because they're both so used to their status of being "with" or "without" a man that they've forgetten what the other side feels like.

You're right that being single leaves us available for Mr. Right and it gives us a sense of bravery and independence that we couldn't get from a lifetime attached to a man.

Thanks again for your post and good luck!!!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 10:40pm

I think I'm quite the opposite, but I didn't used to be.