Bad at Being Alone
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| Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:09am |
Does anyone have any tips for a girl like me, who is awful at being alone? I have started to see a therapist and it's helping but I wish I wasn't like this. I'm confident and I love myself and my friends and my job and my hobbies but I essentially don't feel completely happy without a man in my life. Especially during these cold months, it's so hard for me to not have that emotional support and love from a man. I crave intimacy (especially when compared to the single bar scene) I take such great comfort in knowing that a boyfriend loves me and is there for me emotionally. Part of the problem is that I've had relationships my whole life so I'm so used to them - it's like I never learned to develop the "tough skin" of a single girl.
When I'm in a relationship I am always my own person and I have ended several relationships that didn't feel right, knowing that doing so would leave me single. I have loving friends and family but the unromantic love that they provide does not fill that void in me.
I know this feeling is pretty common among single girls but it's so severe in me that I must have some sort of "neediness" emotional issues.

Being alone is hard for anyone, but if you can find that happiness then you will never truly be alone.
I am in the same boat now. I have am, for the very first time in my life, going to live completely on my own.
Just keep your head up. Love yourself and everything else will fall into place.
~Chloe
I'm managing I suppose- have friends, a job, some hobbies. But when it's cold out, or when i see happy couples together, i just miss that emotional support that i would get from my previous boyfriends.
I wish I could say i want to toughen up, but at the same time I know some tough single girls and they come across as cold and hard to approach- which is why i think they aren't attracting men. So I want to stay warm and loving, but do need to toughen up somehow I suppose.
I have no advice- just try to enjoy being single. Somehow. I mean, there are perks. The biggest one- you're available for when mr.right comes along. And, you aren't settling! Even when you feel lonely, you can still smile and appear strong on the outside.
Thanks so much for your reply! It nice to know there are others of us out there!! What's been especially upsetting is that I find it difficult to talk about this with my friends -- neither the girls in relationships nor my serially single friends can relate to the void that I feel because they're both so used to their status of being "with" or "without" a man that they've forgetten what the other side feels like.
You're right that being single leaves us available for Mr. Right and it gives us a sense of bravery and independence that we couldn't get from a lifetime attached to a man.
Thanks again for your post and good luck!!!
I think I'm quite the opposite, but I didn't used to be.