The Bad Boy vs. The Nice Guy
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The Bad Boy vs. The Nice Guy
| Tue, 11-28-2006 - 3:53pm |
About a month ago, I went to a party with some friends and met a lot of interesting guys. There was one in particular, let’s call him “Eric”, that I danced and hung out with a lot that night. I had been drinking and didn’t remember too much about him, but remember that I ended up giving him my number. The next day, my friends and I were discussing the party we went to, and the topic of Eric ended up coming up. Two of my friends told our group that he was the irresponsible, bad boy type and that neither one of them would ever date him, and pretty much, turned the entire group against him. My friends told me that when he called I should just ignore him, which was what I did the first few days, but about a week after the party, I got curious about this guy I couldn’t remember and answered my phone when he called. We ended up having a good conversation and found out we have some things in common. We went to the movies that next weekend and had a really good time. We have now been dating for almost a month, but I haven’t told my group of friends. I had been seeing someone else, let’s call him “Jake”, before going to the party I met Eric at, so my friends have just assumed that I have been spending time with Jake. I have made it clear to Jake that we are just friends and that I am not looking for a boyfriend, but he keeps subtlety pushing for more. He's told his family and friends about me and calls me his 'girlfriend'. I still casually date Jake because he’s a good guy and he really cares about me, but I can’t help but be attracted to Eric. Eric asked me last night to invite one of my girlfriends out with one of his friends so we can double date, but again, I haven’t told my friends that I am with him. Though I also told Eric that I am not looking for a boyfriend, he keeps referring to me as his girlfriend and also pushing for more out of our relationship. I’ve gotten myself stuck in two friendships, that have turned into relationships, and I don’t know how to get myself out of them without losing a friendship with Eric and Jake. I don’t know what to do about the double date situation with Eric. Jake has recently been making “surprise visits” to me at my job and apartment, and I’m worried he���s going to show up at the wrong time. I don’t know why I feel like I’m cheating on one of these guys with the other, when I made it clear I was not looking for a relationship to begin with. A third guy has been trying to enter the picture, but I am already so confused. Help! I’d appreciate any advice anyone can give me at this point.

In my opinion you haven't actually become exclusive with either guy. They have simply taken the initiative to lable your 'relationship'. You have to be honest with both of them and let them know that you're not ready to be exclusive but would like to continue to date. You don't HAVE to tell each that you're seeing someone else unless you're worried about the other finding out. I would be weary about surprise visits...I hate when someone I'm not invovled with just shows up where I am. If it bothers you, ask him to simply call first so you can be 'available'.
I think you need to be upfront with your friends about Eric as well. They may think he's the 'bad boy' but they should still support your relationship. They might be a little offended you didn't tell them sooner or even try to talk you out of it but don't back down. Politely tell them thank you for their concern but that you want to continually see him casually and keep having fun.
Do you even like Jake? It doesn't sound like you do all that much. Is he just the safe or obvious choice?
You have to be upfront with everyone ASAP or else you'll come out looking like the bad guy when you're not.
Good luck!
You need to speak up with these guys call you their GF and remind then that you are just dating and you haven't agreed to be exclusive.
At some point, though, one or both of them may get tired of waiting for it to turn into "more" and move on. They may or may not want to continue to be friends with you. That's a risk that you take when you are involved with someone, no matter how casually.
And tell your friends about Eric already. That's just silly keeping it a secret. If you can't be yourself with your friends, what's the point? If they don't trust your judgment, then are they really people you want to be friends with?
Sheri
Showing up at your work and apartment unannounced after just a month is kinda creepy.
If I was your friend, I would be upset with you! Not for not telling me sooner, but for the fact that you felt you had to hide this guy! Maybe subconsiously your keeping it from your friends because you feel you cant defend him. Maybe you know your really not compatable deep down but you dont want your friends to have the oppertunity to say I told you so if you break up.
Or maybe he is perfect, and you are wonderful together, and your being silly! Tell your friends! If they are any type of friend worth keeping, they will be happy for you that you've found someone to really like!