Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Bad Boys vs. Nice Guys
11
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:05pm
I am a self-proclaimed nice guy. In the past, I was often frustrated by the number of women that say they want a 'nice guy', but always seem to date and/or marry a bad boy. I have a minimal understanding of why so many women are attracted to the 'bad boys'; that is not my question. I am actually more interested in the numbers. How many of you ladies say you want a nice guy, but have actually dated more bad boys than good guys? What's the deal with that???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:29pm

I want a nice guy for sure. I only ever dated two "bad boys" - and that was when I was in high school. I guess I got the bad boy thing out of my system.

However, I do think there's a difference between nice guys and pushovers. I want a nice guy who also has an opinion, a spine and self confidence.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 12:31pm

I have a very good friend from high school that I still talk to regularly and he was/is a "bad boy." Being friends with him was enough; the appeal of any bad boys never developed for me. Knowing his sexual history (not wanting to know mind you) and how he thinks of/treats women in the long run just doesn't speak well for the "bad boy" population that he is a member. He's a nice guy, funny, fun to be around but terrible with treating women well. A quote from him just the other night (we were talking about women that fake it)..."Well I don't know if any of the chicks I've been with have faked it and I never care if she gets one or doesnt so long as I get mine." Fabulous!! Huge thumbs down.

I've been in a relationship for a year with a very nice guy. Never in a million years would I trade him for the so-called thrill of a bad boy. He's more than good enough for me.

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 2:13pm
The only "bad boys" I've dated have been the ones I didn't know were bad until I got to know them. They became history pretty quickly. I don't go for the obvious bad boys, never have.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 3:30pm

I'll be honest and say I want a 'nice guy' and though I've dated both, I find I always have more fun with the 'bad boys'. Why? Because they are more daring, outgoing, confident and exciting. Now I'm not making a generalization that all nice guys are boring, but I've found that some guys are so worried about being nice, ie. polite, gentlemanly, respectful, that they forget to be fun, open, witty, adventurous and sexy.

I'm drawn to guys that make me feel like losing control, doing something wild and crazy or stepping out of my norm. Also, a lot of these so-called bad guys I've dated, also had a nice guy inside, just hidden underneath a bad boy image. That is the hottest to me. The bad boys had a whole lot more going on that made them more appealing. The nice guys were...well, just nice.

My issue with the nice guy syndrome is that nice is ok, but its nothing spectacular. If someone had to describe me in one word and used nice, I'd be disappointed. There is so much more to my personality than that. Call me sassy, outspoken, funny, loving or sensual. But nice to me just doesn't make a strong impression.

Just my thoughts.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 7:53pm

I totally agree!


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 8:02pm

I don't want a "self-proclaimed" nice guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Mon, 02-13-2006 - 9:02pm

Thanks to those that offered their opinions. I didn't actually think I would get such critical views of 'nice guys'. It almost seemed to turn into a 'bad boy' pep rally. :)

While I do claim to be a good guy, I am not going on just my opinion. I thought it might be strange to cite sources and list lots of people who support my opinion. (I could have given references, but that seemed tacky.)

I guess we all have different definitions of nice guys and bad boys. I think my bottom line is respect. I do indeed respect myself, but I also respect others. My word is my word. It is very important to me to be honest with myself and others. I guess there is a second bottom line (or is this the third)? Integrity. Can a nice guy have more than one bottom line??? Maybe I am a bad boy after all. Be careful ladies - I could be trouble!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 5:25am

>I want a nice guy who also has an opinion, a spine and self confidence.

EXACTLY!

I hate the Nice Guy Vs Bad Boys debate because it is open misrepresentation.

I agree with what these articles have to say on the issue.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/niceguys/ng.shtml

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2005
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 5:31am

"However, I do think there's a difference between nice guys and pushovers. I want a nice guy who also has an opinion, a spine and self confidence."

This I completely agree with. I've only dated "nice guys", one bad boy recently who was trying to act like a nice guy until I got to know him. I cut off communication shortly after that.

Thrill seeker type guys turn me off completely because eventually and in actuality, there's only one person they really care about pleasing and it's usually themselves. Once the thrill is gone, they're off for something better.

I agree with the previous poster about self proclaimed nice guys. If he says it, I'm much more wary because what most guys say is usually completely different from how they act, in my experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Tue, 02-14-2006 - 7:45am
Look at it this way. Bad boys and the women who are attracted to them are both messed up in some way. So you are not really losing anything - as a matter of fact consider yourself lucky that the bad boys helped you identify and stay away from the messed up gals. Iri

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