bad day
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bad day
| Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:25pm |
hi guys,
i haven't written here in a while, but i'm finding myself in a very low place today. i'm almost 39 and have been single for a while. i started dating someone a few months ago, but lately i'm finding that everything he does - even his mere presence - annoys me. i feel very discouraged because he is truly a very nice guy who treats me wonderfully. i thought maybe i'd finally broken the *spell* of being drawn to the wrong guys. i know this isn't tragic, it just seems to be hitting me hard for some reason. i haven't felt this depressed in a while. just thought some encouragement/insight from the gang might help :)
i haven't written here in a while, but i'm finding myself in a very low place today. i'm almost 39 and have been single for a while. i started dating someone a few months ago, but lately i'm finding that everything he does - even his mere presence - annoys me. i feel very discouraged because he is truly a very nice guy who treats me wonderfully. i thought maybe i'd finally broken the *spell* of being drawn to the wrong guys. i know this isn't tragic, it just seems to be hitting me hard for some reason. i haven't felt this depressed in a while. just thought some encouragement/insight from the gang might help :)

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It sounds like maybe it's time to back off with him a little.
That's a good question. On the one hand, I didn't see him all week, as he is a teacher and had the week off, so he went to see his family. However, when we are together (as we were this weekend), he can get a little heavy with everything -- talking about vacations we should take, being very mushy. Part of me feels that if he was the right one, I wouldn't mind any of this. But it's maybe it's worth being honest with him and telling him that I'm not in the same place as him right now to at least know that I tried before ending it.
Thanks for your advice. It's definitely worth a try.
I don't know if I buy into the whole "if he were the right one, it'll work no matter what" philosophy.
Wise words. I walk around thinking all I want is for someone to say those kind of things to me, then when it happens and I feel skittish, I wonder why I'm not happier about it. The beginning is usually hard, but I want to make sure I don't bail too soon (which I think I usually do). I guess I'm going to have to speak my mind more and do what feels comfortable for me.
If you feel this way, he is not the right guy for you. Why do we women feel like we have to settle for the "nice" guy because he has a p***s and a pulse? Trust me, honey, if he had any reservations about you, he'd drop you like a hot potato. You deserve a combination of someone who is good and kind AND turns you on.
JMHO
hi muire,
i appreciate your honesty and i don't disagree with you. i think there are a lot of factors involved that make me unsure of the situation
1) i WAS into him in the beginning, and seem to have had this same pattern with the last few guys i've dated
2) the guys who i have really "turned me on" have ended up being wrong for me and hurting me very badly
3) friends who have given people a chance who they weren't that into who ended up being "the one"
4) loneliness
i'm just trying to change some patterns that seem to keep popping up in my love life, but maybe it's just not right. i guess time will tell.
thank you.
Hi Neppi,
Been lurking and haven't posted anything as of yet but have been following.
I think I know what you mean. Could it possibly be something in your life that's spilling over to make you feel this way? Maybe something unfulfilled? Maybe some other disappointment?
I only ask because I felt this way about a year ago with my BF. My discovery was that this relationship didn't start out the way I always "thought" relationships SHOULD start out. In short, it was my own idealism.
Maybe he's NOT the right guy for you, as another poster said. I mean, if HE had any reservations, you'd be gone in a heartbeat. But do you think maybe there's something holding YOU back in your life that is making you feel this way maybe?
Neppi,
Your points are all very valid. I admire your determination to change behaviors that have not worked for you in the past.
I'm always in favor of giving someone at least a chance, even if there are no sparks. I have found by and large though that if it's not there within the first , say six dates, it's not going to develop. So how much time should one invest?!
The people you referred to--that weren't into the guy right away, and later determined that he was the "One"--well, time will tell what happens in these relationships. Some people settle for a variety of reasons--biological clock, loneliness, or maybe thing that what they have is the best they will find.
I still think it should be possible to find someone you are " in to" who is also a good friend and lover.
Having settled and been divorced once already, I will live the rest of my life as a single woman if I don't find what
I want. I'd rather be alone than in a relationship with someone I'm not crazy about and sold on. But that's just me.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide. Dating is tough under the best of circumstances.
It is frustrating when you have those feelings of doubt. In my experiences and hearing about the experiences of others in all relationships you have doubts no matter how good of a fit the person is for you or how much you are into them in the beginning.
Sometimes after the infatuation stages and when you begin to know the person better, you begin to go into an uncertainty phase. I think what you are going through seems to be pretty normal. Sometimes it helps to quiet your mind and heart and really listen to what your gut is saying about staying with the person. I find that this is the best way for me to determine if I should stay or go, even though it's hard to quiet all the chatter sometimes. You probably are figuring out his flaws right now and deciding on whether you can live with them or not. I say give it some more time and see what happens. If you are still having feelings of doubt in another month or so and he's still continuing to annoy you then you might want to rethink it. I get very uncomfortable sometimes with the mushy things because I'm not used to it either but think about how the guy makes you feel overall and sometimes if you tell him to tone it down a little in a nice way then he might not mind doing that.
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