BAD set up... want a good laugh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2005
BAD set up... want a good laugh?
53
Sat, 04-14-2007 - 4:15pm

Okay there are BAD dates and there are BAD dates, this is seriously one of the top three WORST fixups I have ever been on.

My friend's husband PUSHED me to go out with this guy, not for a few weeks, but for a year. I think since my ex and I broke up I was a bit vulnerable--- and based on the fact that I heard this guy was in his mid 40's and never married--- had nixed him a year ago. When does "no" not mean no?

But, he kept INSISTING that this guy was a "quality" guy. He told me he was VERY successful attractive, wants to get married and have a family. He wanted to set me up, even though he didn't know if he was single--- so this was Dave pushing me to go out with him, not even the other way around.

I said, well as long as he's not like 47, okay. Well this guy was 47--- and I trully believe a virgin. No joke--- MAYBE he had sex a few times in his life, but I would put a bet down on his virginity. Something wasn't right with this guy.

First off, we spoke on the phone--- the guy has never even been CLOSE to getting married. So I knew, this was a bust but I just tried to meet him for coffee so Icould report that I met him back to Dave. I honestly expected him to dorky, but not THIS bad.

Okay, then I suggested we meet for coffee---he said he had to do "his fantasy baseball league" first but he would call me back if he could. So, I went downstairs to do my laundry--- I came back 25 minutes later--- he had called--- not once, but THREE times wondering where I was. The first time, he kept saying "hello, hello? Hello"--- For two minutes on my answering machine. Apparently he didn't know difference between live and an answering machine??? Then a minute later he was like "I thought we were going out where did you go?" The third, he called me on my cell (which was listed on my machine in case you need to get a hold of me right away). Uh... yeah!

Okay, upon meeting this person--- he looks his age---47. Which is probably the best compliment I could give him. He was obese (40-50 lbs. overweight) ---- and not well groomed. He had on these weird jeans with a belt that showed off his egg shaped body.

(Just to give you guys I picture, I run marathons, am a size 4, well educated, age 35, and I've had a serious relationships before)

We went to a bar (my suggestion) because Starbucks was packed. I found out that he had financial problems (even though he came here in '83 he was still renting until 4 years ago)--- he told me that he couldn't afford to buy a one bedroom condo until a few years ago. He then told me how he rented a cheap apartment from an old lady and how she wouldn't cash his checks--- and when she did it would over draft his account--- because he didn't know how to balance his checkbook! He has clearly has financial problems.

He kept apologzing for wearing "not a brown jacket" since I guess he told me that he would be wearing a brown one. He sweated profusely as well.

I asked him about relationships--- like I said 47 never married--- he told me that he has never been close. The longest relationship he's been in (which I don't even believe him) is "A year, maybe a year and a quarter." (who says that? a year and a quarter???) He told me that he's met women that are not interested in him, or vise versa. Clearly, he's never had a serious girlfriend. (I still believe the guy is a virgin!)--- he's got financial issues, he's not athletic (buy hey he is a GREAT bridge player), he's never traveled to Europe, he's completely unattractive and doesn't know how to groom (needed a hair cut, shave, wadrobe makeover)--- oh and the best--- that part that Dave tried to sell me the most--- he wants children. SO when I asked him he tells me he feels he's too old to have kids--- and wait it gets better--- he is SO desperate to meet someone--- that he doesn't care if they want kids or not--- he just needs "to meet someone to have a companion"--- WHAT ON EARTH about this guy is quality???

I told him flat out that the reason I was looking for marriage (besides companionship) was to have kids--- and if someone didn't feel the same, then we weren't on the same page. I am SO upset that Dave would even CONSIDER fixing me up with him! I am going to say something to his wife--- so she doesn't think I am a total bitch--- this guy has never met Dave's wife--- because I think she would say the same thing--- that something is WRONG with this guy.

I am just going to tell her that I am not attracted to obsese men, that he told me he had financial problems and that he feels he is past the age to have children. Because otherwise if I say "he's just not type" --- Dave will got back and tell her that I do not give "quality guys" a chance.

I know some of you just say to say "he's not my type" but I have TRIED repeatedly with Dave and I think that because he has a brother who is socially inept (like this man) and when he was first dating my friend--- he wanted to fix up his brother with any and ALL of her single friends--- and even she realized that her friends would HATE her if he did that.

Okay, I hope you have a good laugh...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:51pm

I'm glad. Because I believe that everyone has their own beauty. Hey, I've been rejected countless times because I have freckles, am not tall enough, not thin enough, not...whatever. Bottom line is....we all have the right to our own preferences. The right man will think you, and me ,are drop-dead gorgeous and will love us for who we are. I truly believe that, seen it too many times to not believe it. Sorry, this guy Ariel met sounded like a complete loser...nothing to bring to the table. Some people are just not relationship material. Period.

Try reading books about the Law of Attraction....I used to think this stuff was hooey but I no longer do. I was a size four, Heather Locklear- thin six years ago. Hardly attracted any men, much less, interesting, successful, attractive men. I am now a size eight. But because I believe i am beautiful, intelligent, interesting, kind...guess what? more men are attracted to me than ever. And I will be 46 this month. I would say I reject more than I am rejected.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:53pm

I'm with you--on a guy at least, unless he's very short, to me 40-50 lbs overweight is a little on the heavy side ;-), not "obese"!

Just out of curiosity, I did some BMI calculations, and according to that measure, a 6 foot 200 lb man is overweight! I couldn't believe it. To me, that's just too skinny! 250--now we're talking--that, to me, is a nice, solid guy. Yet according to the BMI chart, that guy would be "obese".

It's really interesting to me how the way each of us defines words colors our perception.

Sheri

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:53pm
Yes, it's true, men adore confident women who honestly love themselves and let it show!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 6:58pm
I was surprised by the definition of obese myself. I really thought that it meant 100 lbs overweight. I don't know, there is something, almost phonetically, about the word obese that makes it so offensive. It's just an ugly word, LOL. I think I almost prefer the word fat!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:01pm

Yes, I agree, it's a loaded word.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:51pm
"He shouldn't even be looking to be dating, for he has nothing to offer. He should become a monk."


I respectfully disagree with this statement. Just because he is not a good match for the OP does not mean he would not be a good match for someone more on his "page."



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 7:56pm

Just out of curiosity, I did some BMI calculations, and according to that measure, a 6 foot 200 lb man is overweight! I couldn't believe it. To me, that's just too skinny! 250--now we're talking--that, to me, is a nice, solid guy. Yet according to the BMI chart, that guy would be "obese".

My boyfriend is 6'4" and he's between 220-230. And I think he looks pretty thin! According to those charts, he'd probably be considered obese, too. But he's SO not! I wouldn't even call him overweight, at ALL. He's got an average-sized waist, thin legs, and muscular arms. I think he's incredibly sexy. :)




Edited 4/15/2007 7:57 pm ET by cl-countrygrlupnorth
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:01pm
Ghee, Stacey, must you rub it in??? LOL (hot lovah-boy)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:01pm





"He shouldn't even be looking to be dating, for he has nothing to offer. He should become a monk."
I respectfully disagree with this statement. Just because he is not a good match for the OP does not mean he would not be a good match for someone more on his "page."



Maybe ,maybe not...but here is a safe bet...it ain't ariel!!! Hope he does find his match...but he doesn't have much to offer. And you women should STOP identifying with this man.....Stacey, you are cute, fun, intelligent....this man appears to have NONE of these qualities.

Women, here, cease and desist with identifying with these loser men. You are nothing like them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:04pm

LOL I'm sorry; I don't mean to rub it in. I was just pointing out that the BMI calculations can be a bit flukey.