Bday voicemail from an Ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2013
Bday voicemail from an Ex
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 4:46pm


It's been over 6 months that my ex fiancé last spoke since our breakup 2 years ago. since our last conversation I decided just to finally call it quiets with any communication with him after the most emotional breakout and back and forth manipulation. Every year and during the holidays  and his bday I emailed him to say Happy......seasons...... Last year (2013) I choose not to bother with emailing him for either occasion plus I was out of town for the holidays. On friday night a # come in while I was on a call and sent it to vmail. Checked the vmail and it was the ex saying.... I almost forgot it your bday coming up and I knew your out celebrating so take. ( the vmail sounded more of a shout out)  I didn't bother to respond until yesterday evening with a  texted " thanks for the message" he replied you're welcome, take care and hope you have many days more to come.  keep in mind my bday is 5 days out....

how to continue on without overthinking the situation....

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 5:00pm

The only way to really move on is to simply stop making contact and stop responding to his.  Doesn't mean you can't say "hello" if you cross him on the sidewalk, but you have to stop participating if you truly want to end contact.  

Or as you will also see it as "NC" No contact.  

We can't use the "oh, I must reply to be polite."  NC means NC.   

My xBF is in the same social circle as my DH and myself.  If I see him I say hello and we may even chat for a few minutes, but we don't seek eachother out.  Hope that all makes sense.

Good luck!

Serenity CL making a second marriage work

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 01-13-2014 - 9:18pm

Why would you want to think about it at all if he's manipulated you before?  Sounds like that's what he was going for.  Don't let it get to you.


Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 01-15-2014 - 2:06pm

Is anyone else getting 20 script error messages every time you click on something?  So.  Annoying.

I would have urged you to call instead of texting - that way you could have heard the tone in his voice and gotten a better feel for the reason behind his call.  However, since all he said was Happy B-day on the VM, I think the best thing to do is take the sentiment at face value.  I think it was nice of you to send a thank-you text.  In the end, if he wants to call you again, he will and it'll be your decision as to whether or not you want to open those lines of communication back up. 

In the meantime, if you don't hear from him - out of sight, out of mind is my motto :)  Happy belated b-day to you!