I had an opportunity to go hiking with a good guy friend today.
You could save a lot on therapy if you just kept this guy around.
What is the basic idea behind Adult Attachment?
The science of adult attachment predicts, with a great deal of accuracy, how people will behave in romantic relationships and whether they will be well matched—on the basis of their “attachment style”: Anxious, Avoidant or Secure.
A number of studies have looked into the question of whether we are attracted to people based on their attachment style or ours. Two researchers in the field of adult attachment, Paula Pietromonaco, of the University of Massachusetts, and Katherine Carnelley, of the University of Southampton in the UK, found that avoidant individuals actually prefer anxiously attached people. Another study by Jeffry Simpson of the University of Minnesota, showed that anxious women are more likely to date avoidant men. Is it possible then that people who guard their independence with ferocity would seek the partners most likely to impinge on their autonomy? Or that people who seek closeness are attracted to people who want to push them away? And if so, why?
Pietromonaco and Carnelley believe that these attachment styles actually complement one another in a way. Each reaffirms the other’s beliefs about themselves and about relationships. The avoidants’ defensive self-perception that they are strong and independent is confirmed, as is the belief that others want to pull them into more closeness than they are comfortable with. The anxious types find that their perception of wanting more intimacy than their partner can provide is confirmed, as is their anticipation of ultimately being let down by significant others. So, in a way, each style is drawn to reenact a familiar script over and over again.
That's a very interesting read, thank you
Extremely helpful. Thank you!