been almost 3 weeks
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| Thu, 03-09-2006 - 12:05am |
I was dating this guy for about 6 weeks. I decided things had to end after several examples of his actions not matching up with his words. I know I can do a lot better than him, but our physical chemistry was amazing- i've never kissed someone and felt that "wow!" feeling so intensely!
Anyway, I can't get the damn guy out of my head!
I miss him. I miss his smell and the way he would hold my hand. I just wonder now if I should call him. I wonder if I fully explained to him that the sole reason i ended things was based on his lack of following through on promises... well, I wonder if he would be able or willing to work on that.
I know I can change a man- nor do i want to. But I just can't help but wonder if there's something more to what we had that needed more time and work. SEveral friends advised me that a relationship shouldn't be that much work that early on. And I agree with that. But i just miss him! *sigh*

Has he bothered to call you? Has he made any effort to say "Hey, let's work this out,"? Has he made ANY move at all?
When you broke up with him, did you tell him why you were breaking it off? If you did, then there's no reason to call him. What was his reaction when you broke it off with him?
No, he hasn't made any effort to contact me. His reaction when we broke up was understanding- he wanted to talk it out over coffee, but I told him that what ever we needed to say could be said on the phone. He seemed to think I hated him and thought he was a big jerk- but I told him it just didn't feel right and that I needed to feel like he wanted me more and that i was getting tired of his empty promises. BUt I do think I could have been clearer about that- he didn't seem to totally understand the incidences I talked about and i now wonder if I could have been clearer and said something like "if you can show me that you aren't going to disappoint me and forget about dates again, then I'd like to try to make this work."
The girl who set us up thought that he would have realized he needed to get his act together and would have called me and done somethin to get me back. But nope, nothing from him. Any thoughts on this? Should i just get over this and give it more time, or call him...?
I wanted to jump in and say...if he actually forgot about dates with you, that is very questionable. in that case your other friends are right, a relationship shouldnt be that much work that early on. as much as it hurts because of the chemistry you thought you had, it seems like he wasnt as into you as you were to him. you deserve better treatment than that. it's a maturity thing too. some men are players without realizing it. i dated a man far far too long who treated me the way you describe. if in the beginning he doesnt have his act together, the kinds of stuff he does will usually get worse not better. its a matter of respecting you as a person and if he is forgetting dates and not living up to some promises then he is not respecting you. it has nothing to do with you personally, but this is the kind of man he is and the way he treats women. please dont be someone's doormat. i spent far too long in a relatinship with a man who was just like you described and it never changed, his audacity only got worse.
One thing that helped me is to read that book he's just not that into you.
hey, as far as him wanting to meet you for coffee to discuss but him having no real content in proposing and verbalizing his mistakes...I think it was him seeing you have the upper hand to end the relationship. unfortunately he may have only been responding to a powerplay subconsciously and nothing genuine. it turns into pure games/a pride thing when u r dealing with someone that immature.
I hope you dont call him after these 3 weeks. He hasnt given you anything good to work with that's why you are where youre at. move on! it's hard but trust me it's easier to move on this early in the game. i waited far too long and a lot of very bad stuff happened which complicated my life even more. if only i would have not given him another chance that initial time we had our fallout. he and i had the same fall out in the beginning. trust me...its a HUGE (100%) indicator of future behavior!
Dionne
p.s. If you want to hear examples of my X's initial behavior compared to all the things he ended up doing which were worse, just let me know. id be happy if i can save someone's heartache. looking back it's so plain and simple to see the correlation between these initial things that happened in the first few weeks of he and i dating and the rest of his behaviors which didnt change. its almost an oxymoron. theres an old proverb that goes something like this "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me"