Beginning to fear being single forever

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Beginning to fear being single forever
13
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 12:28am

Hello...I am actually embarassed to even post this, but just wanted some various opinions...I have been single for a while....Im 28 and havent had anything even remotely significant since age 25. I broke it off after 5 years, a great guy, but at the time I wanted to be single and was afraid of "missing out" (been single forever now, jokes on me, I guess...turns out...there wasnt better out there =(

Anyway....I date a whole lot...have been set up...gone out w/ coworkers, met people at bars, online...etc. I just moved to a new state and I must say...the men here are basically the same as before....Obviously, the common denominator is ME so I must be doing something wrong. Somehow I always seem to be the rebound, the fling, or the one nighter. Most men really do just want to jump in the sack immediantly...I have a hard time dating younger men because of this....they really dont seem to want to get to know the woman (other single friends of mine say the same thing) dating older men is hard as well because they tend to have ex issues, a kid, or something else odd.

I guess, without complaining too much....while I have enjoyed my single time...Ive begun to long for that intimacy of waking up next to someone...have someone to cook for, meeting each others families...you know LONG TERM stuff. Sometimes I think if I met someone tomorrow....then it would still be at least 2 years before an engagement or anything....I know it seems dumb...I guess it feels old to me...which is STUPID!!! Lots of people in relationships long to be single again. (Sadly....a yound and dumb me, I was one of them)

I guess I want to know how can I learn to enjoy my alone time w/o constantly putting this weird pressure on myself? I feel like I am already wishing away this next year of my life....I force myself to go on dates when I dont want to because, well, he could be THE ONE.... its all so exhausting. I have other areas of my life to enjoy....right?

Right??

Anyway...just wondering if anyone else feels similar??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 12:47am

Hi Bailey,

You wrote: "...the common denominator is ME so I must be doing something wrong..."

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 2:15am

It takes two to create a bad or non-working relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 10:59am

I am old enough to be your mother, so to me 28 is YOUNG!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 11:32am

I've been single for four years- since I was 30- so I do understand where you are coming from.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 9:17pm
How do you enjoy your alone time without putting pressure on yourself? That's the $64,000 question! If we knew the answer to that one, we wouldn't be here! I can manage to do it sometimes because I have a busy life with work and outside interests, but the pressure creeps in during the downtime when I'm not busy. Enjoy your life like you saif and hoefully you will meet someone with similar interests... of course I can't say that's a certainty because I am single and I'm 10 years older than you. Yes I am at the precise age Music mentioned and I am nervous. I'd like to think that its not my time yet, but geez, its time already! Lets see if I have some guts at the gig tonight. :) Of course I just had to invite a friend to come, gopfully I didn't inadvertently block myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 10:58pm

I think that's actually one of the hardest things to do--to just go about living your life and having fun and not thinking all the time about the lack of someone in your life.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 10-21-2011 - 11:43pm

I think that in this culture everyone has these feelings.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 1:21am

Bailey,

While it may be true that you have a lot of time to resolve this issue in your life, it probably doesn't feel like that to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 1:25pm

I like all the previous answers.. Marina, Music and xxxs

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 10-22-2011 - 5:50pm
I feel this way at times and our history, though you are younger, is quite similar. I tend to refer to the beautiful, smart, successful women in pop culture who are single. You don't always hear about them, but they are out there. It helps me to remember that I'm not alone on single island and to agree with you, you DO have other areas of your life to enjoy. I personally try not to focus on what I don't have in life, but strive to enjoy what I can, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. And, not to preach, but you can't be made to feel like a one-night-stand if you don't have one...and I'm not judging, I've been there ;) If that sort of thing isn't working for you, perhaps you should try something different...like making the man work a little harder at getting to know you, first :)

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