Is being married really this boring?

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Is being married really this boring?
14
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:59pm
I've been noticing a pattern lately. Go tells me that I need to talk about myself/reveal more to others. So I'm trying. The only real social time I have is lunch....and this is how it goes.

I sit down. Teacher A already has everyone else engaged in conversation about her baby or house. Those are the ONLY things that ever get talked about at lunch! Teacher B also likes to talk about her kids as well- their sicknesses, their bathroom habits, etc. When teacher A and B leave, I have a total of two minutes with teacher C, in which time she talks about her kids as well! Occasionally, the counselor will talk about her grandbaby. Go, I've tried...I've REALLY tried to get myself in the conversation, to talk about my life more. I simply CAN'T!! Teacher A always dominates the conversation! Don't get me wrong, she's a nice girl, but geeeez, she never shuts up!

So, I'm wondering...after you get married, are babies and houses all there is to talk about?

Please, please, I hope I never get that way!

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 05-07-2003 - 6:58pm
So today I was able to eat at a different time- without Miss Conversation Hog. And guess what?? I actually SPOKE at lunch!! Woohoo! I even mentioned to the other teacher about how much it upset me that I was interrupted. She said she didn't even notice. Hopefully, tomorrow she'll be more aware of how the conversation is being dominated. Maybe she won't. But, it did make me feel better that we could talk about something besides houses and babies!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 10:50pm
Come teach with me, pleeeeease??? I'll talk about marrying strange men with you!


Oh, wait...they're taking all of our money...but you could work for free! ;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 10:35pm
Shy, it sounds to me as if these teachers have no life past house, spouse and mouse, er, baby. They are so wrapped up in their own little world, it's scary. Last year, at my other school, I was the ONLY ONE on my hall who had never been married or had kids. So I know the feeling. And my team members didn't like me. It was a very long year.

You could always ask them when was the last time they had sex on the kitchen table! :-) (wait...that will win you no friends, and they'll think you're a perv. Never mind. But I hope it made you smile, 'cause that was the original plan, Stan.)

I sit in the teachers' lounge, and eat my lunch quietly...mostly because when we had a discussion of music one day I mentioned how I wanted to marry Gene Simmons of KISS when I was 5. Freaked out many.

Now we just discuss how many days are left till the end of school and can we rid ourselves of some students without people noticing?

summer 2010 sig by Tara

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 7:11pm
Uh, Erin, I think that was my point. If houses and babies are all there is to life after marriage, it's a sad state of affairs. I do have nothing in common with them. That's why I say it's boring.

It's still rude for one person to dominate a conversation and to interrupt someone who is trying to comment on the current topic.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 6:21pm
Umm...let's point something out here. If any of them were disinterested in the topic - they'd have been attempting via some tactic the same goal as you - to change the subject. They weren't.

It's imperative to understand something......not trying to be rude because this is more of a general statement that hopefully others will read and put into other situations...but when you don't share the same 'lifestyle' as the people you're with at the moment - the interests and priorities are very likely not similar, either.

In choosing to be with them.....it's not that you can't get "your topic introduced" but realize if you're fighting an entire group that has the same interest/problem/issue - you're unlikely to get that topic well received.

I'll use myself as an example...I talk about sports alot in the examples I give - becuase sports has shown me many lessons in life I refused to learn in other venues where I didn't "care" about the priorities at hand at that moment. But what I don't talk about here on these boards - is training and racing and my particular training adn racing. That'd be considered rude, boring, bragadocious, or irrelevant. And I wouldn't try to make that a focal point in any post, and really- I do try to find something other than sports to use as examples. Particularly if when I mention sports - the poster I'm addressing seems "offendedd or intimidated" regarding that forum.

So, you're sitting with a group of married women with kids who have the same"problems" - how to make time to have sex between the sick children, that chicken costs $3.86 a pound cut up and they haven't got time to buy uncut with their other obligations, a great deal of "marital conversation" is actually "business conversation" - have we got enough to pay our bills, my car needs an inspection can you do it? my brakes are bad and I need to drive you to work and take your car tomorrow, our annual taxes need prepration, please call your payroll dept and get that W2!

All this stuff...as a single person (which is one thing I love about singlehood!) is that it requires no discussion! The brakes are bad - I call the shop and get a ride to and from work - one request, easily made and met by a neighbor or friend. End of story. Don't own a house, don't have to buy insurance, pay taxes.....don't have to get the W2's from a spouse to file, don't have to "ask" or review a budget regarding "can I afford to compete in Spain if I make the national team this year".

It's me...it's all about me, and my interests, my goals, my pursuits. and yes, it requires all my attention to detail without someone as a safety net or sounding board - unless I seek out advice or assistance. Which is why the older you are and you're single...the harder cohabitation is to adjust to. Not meant to frighten anybody - but it's a fact. YOu're used to doing things your way...and there's a comfort zone in things being done "your way". But..let's not digress.

So, you're over here trying to introduce an "interesting to you" topic in a room full of people with the same priorities, concerns, and issues...it's just unlikely to happen. If you brought up something exciting or thrilling...yes, you might create enough attention wti the distraction to get the topic at least briefly skimmed.

But trying to introduce your interests and your pursuits, your priorities and your goals...to people who share their own sets of priorities, pursuits, goals, and issues -is just not likely to happen.

A percentage of them are thinking "boy, being single she hasn't got all the complications and problems I've got".....a few of them are thinking "Poor Shy, nobody to turn to or rely on in a tight spot"...and a few of them are thinking "man, I wish I was her."

But...none of them actually live in the lifestyle you're in...and so it's hard to have similar interests, topics, and priorities.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 5:54pm
it's a lot easier to get your point in when its a message board, huh? ;-)

if you're not finished your point, then its not rude to say so (as long as your point isn't too long)...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 5:34pm
Ugh. I'm just so bad at that kinda stuff. I figure if I was interrupted, whatever I had to say must not have been all that interesting. I don't have a problem with people I know well, or if I'm in the middle of a story or something. I can speak up then. But, if I just have a short little something to add to the conversation, I usually don't say anything cause it seems a little anti-climactic. I mean, if I only have a few words left, why make a stink about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 4:58pm
Interrupting ppl is rude! Saying "uh, I'm not finished" is NOT rude...especially if you say it in a hey, I wanna finish this thought way...eventually the others may jump in and "defend" you by saying "I want hear this"...
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 4:47pm
I don't want to be rude. I do a really good job of stopping my students from interrupting, but I really don't want to start a conflict with a coworker. I know how awful that can be.

I don't talk an awful lot anyway, so when I get a word in, it's usually worthwhile and well thought out. It irritates me that my thought isn't recognized.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-06-2003 - 4:22pm
I have terrible habit of interrupting ppl...and they just say "I was talking" or "you are interrupting me" and I apologize and let them continue. You need to stand up for yourself! If you are ready to give up anyway, what do you have to lose?

If at first you don't succeed...

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