Being single

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
Being single
27
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 4:15pm

A lot of you complain about being single and all. It really does stink. But is your situation as bad as mine? Maybe this will make you feel better.

I have two friends that I enjoy being around but rarely get together with and they both have significant others and smoke. I don't smoke. I have two friends that are single and do not smoke. One is retired (I am not even close to retiring) and she is very particular about things. I am laid back about things (except about being single) so she gets on my nerves. Other than that she and I like to do things and go places. My other friend that doesn't smoke is my age but she can be very outspoken so I don't really enjoy being around her too much. My family lives hours away. The way I look at it, I virtually have no one. On rare occasions I see my family - once a month if I am lucky. I was married for several years but am now single. It's annoying to not have someone around most of the time to talk to when i need to and someone to talk to me when they need to. Anyway, I could go on and on about that.

How many of you have no one to go to even if you wanted to? How many of you live near your families? If your family lives close by, how often do you see them?

I'm sorry, I'm just feeling sorry for myself as I often do when I am home alone. I have a guy that I hang around with because I feel I have no one else. Except he is in love with me. I only like him as a friend. SO I probably should not be hanging around with him but I don't know what else to do. My life would TOTALLY be miserable without him.

Sorry, I just needed to vent, I guess. Thanks for listening.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-10-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 4:46pm

>>Sorry, I just needed to vent, I guess. Thanks for listening.

That's OK, Aspenjuly. We have a big Freudian couch here where everybody is free to come lay down and vent. And we all sit behind and listen (well most of the time, sometimes we have to duck out and run errands.)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 5:30pm

Most of the time, we don't complain about being single.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 8:09pm

I think I'm one of the few people that actually enjoys being single but even I have my moments. The hardest thing right now is that I'm finally dating someone new and excited about it and all my friends are more concerned about their weddings and can't fathom the dating scene. It's incredibly frustrating and almost hurtful. Luckily I have several single friends who completely understand.

We all go through different stages at different times in life and sometimes we have to realize that it's for a reason, that there's a lesson/something valuable to be gained from everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sat, 07-28-2007 - 10:51pm

My family is about four hours away and this past year we moved my Dad in the same area as my sister. I am not trying to compare but I am relating. I am not close to her & this bothers me...again blaming myself.

I have never been married. I am 41, have a great house. On the outside it looks good, but I am lonely. I call people but they don't return calls. I am feeling really crappy about myself at times & try to stay busy. I am healthy, look good & yet my desire is to share my life with someone.

My therapist said not to have expectations, but darn it...can't someone at least return a call??? Then it hits me that "I" am the problem as I may come off as needy. So I decided to just isolate for awhile.

I used to have a male friend like you have & you gotta be staright with that guy. Mine is no longer my friend & let's face it there aren't too may guys that have female friends nor do they want more.

So, I can totally relate & feel free to vent away. My weekends are dateless although I am giving match a chance. It's better than sitting around but even that can get depressing.

Anyway, we are here for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 5:27am

"My therapist said not to have expectations, but darn it...can't someone at least return a call??? Then it hits me that "I" am the problem as I may come off as needy"

But isn't it just common courtesy for someone to return a call? It's not like you're calling them twice, three a times a day or something, right? I'm going through this right now with someone I thought was a friend. I rarely call her, or email her, because it's gotten to the point to where she just completely and absolutely ignores me. For no reason, because I've been really nice to her. Almost too generous, I realize now, because I feel walked upon.

I don't think it's "needy" to expect someone to have the human decency to return a phone call within a reasonable time frame. (unless I'm missing some info here)

And why *shouldn't* we have expectations for people? Should we only expect people to exhibit the worst behavior, and act surprised and shocked and grateful (!) if they are polite/nice? Am I the only one who sees something wrong with that?

I'm not saying that I would have the expectation that Friend A to return a call in X amount of time, giggle for Z amount of seconds, and display Y type of behavior, but seriously folks...people have gotten too lazy with their manners and their definitions and so-called exhibitions of "friendship."

Whoo...that felt cathartic to get that out :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 8:42am

You said "My weekends are dateless although I am giving match a chance." When you say "match" do you mean match.com?

I know what you mean by phone calls. I called a friend yesterday that I used to work with and she acted like she really wasn't all that interested in hearing from me. When your coworkers no longer work with you it seems to be very tough to keep in touch with them. I heard someone else say that about their former coworkers.

You are right about this guy I'm "seeing" but I am having trouble bringing myself to telling him AGAIN that I only like him as a friend. I've already told him several times. I would be totally alone without him in my life. It is very sad, I know. Very sad situation.

Gotta go. I'm getting upset.

Thanks for writing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 11:58am
Nevermind -- apparently sharing feelings on here only results in people making assumptions and attacking you!!


Edited 7/29/2007 5:33 pm ET by timeofbutterflies
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 5:12pm
Can you explain why you are more concerned about finding a female companion than a bf/husband? Is that also caused by your insecurities?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 5:23pm
I never said I was "more concerned" about finding a female companion -- please read more closely. I also said I do not struggle with self-esteem insecurities anymore. I am dating one guy quite casually right now, but it's different to have a female friend with whom to speak. I do not want to rely solely on a male companion for conversation and support.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2007
In reply to: aspenjuly
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 5:51pm
oh i see sorry.
Can you give me some advice?
Like where did you meet your SO?
What features do you look for in men? In terms of education/income/looks......
I know your an educated teacher so thats why i'm asking.

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