being single making me self-conscious

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
being single making me self-conscious
15
Sat, 06-14-2008 - 11:38pm

Lately my single status has been making me more and more self-conscious with my family. I think the main reason is that my younger sister has been dating someone for a few months and she said she'll be bringing him to my parent's fourth of july party. I know I will be there alone, while my sister is with someone who really seems to care about her and who isn't afraid of getting to know her family better, the way my ex, who I dated for a few years, was. I think the whole situation will just remind me of how hard it is for me to find someone who feels this way about me, who wants to put 110% into a relationship with me, who doesn't mind meeting my family, who in fact wants to because they take the relationship seriously.

I am extremely happy for her, I'm so glad that at least one of us has lucked out. But still, I so don't want to go to this party but I have to and I feel like it will just push my single status into the spotlight as I'm the older, still single sibling. Every time I see my parents they ask me "what's new?" and I know what they really mean is ARE YOU FINALLY DATING ANYONE YET??? I feel like they are completely bored to tears with me and my life. My mother even seems to end phone calls with me a lot these days, keeping the talk short because I have nothing to say she has interest in, ie, I'm getting married.

Just needed to vent-- the whole situation and being single has left me feeling sort of, well, alienated, like an oddball. I've told my mother how tough it is to find guys in my city, but then here comes my sister, as well as the children of family friends, who've all found someone and gotten engaged or married already. I don't think they're buying my excuse anymore.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2008
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 1:04am

Iv_nancy1000,


I understand completely. What really worked for me is trying to cut people out of my life who were negative about being single which also includes some fly by nighter posters on this board & that made me happier to be around people who were respectful towards my life choices. Sometimes unfortunately, we cannot help the cards that life has dished out to us. It is hard to do that however when it is your family who are indirectly or directly making you feel bad. I feel it is on Facebook when people in the past get in touch with me & I feel that nothing has really changed in my life. For the most part though, I don't really envy anyone's life who is married. They seem like they have lost a lustre for life whereas I am full of vitality and bounce. I didn't really have anything helpful to add but I just wanted to let you know that you're not the only one that feels this way.


30 is the new black

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 06-15-2008 - 7:56am

I totally get this, and I've gone through times when I feel self conscious, and other times when I don't. I know how hard it is to show up to yearly events still single. I'll go so far as to say I feel embarrassed at times.

Is it at all possible that you are interpreting your parent's behavior incorrectly? Not trying to be a shrink here, just wondered if your unease with your single status causes you to think your family is pressuring you or is bored with you? Believe me, I know that families and well-meaning friends can be overbearing, so I'm not saying this is all in your head.

I know I always recommend this book, but I think it could ease your mind a little: "With or Without a Man." It's a whole other take on being single in our society. It doesn't give you "dating tips" or tell you how to "catch" a man.

I was married for four years (unhappily) and have been divorced for many. many years. At times I feel I have missed so much of life. But other times I feel I have gotten to see a world that most married-with-children women never experience. It's not that one is better than the other. If I had a choice, I would choose to be in a committed relationship, but until that happens I will keep trying to find meaning and fun in my life. Let me also just say that being single is far better than being unhappily married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 12:28pm

I am in the exact same position.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 4:54pm

I don’t have that problem…, and you know what? I don’t think most guys do. I show up to things alone all the time like dinners for work, artistic openings, family parties, weddings, funerals, regular dinners out. I think men have got it easy as far as living single year after year. I have been married 3 times and each marriage lasted about 5 years. After the last one I swore to never get into a relationship again unless that woman was my soul mate of soul mates. It’s been 4 years now and I expect I will be single a lot longer too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2007
Tue, 06-17-2008 - 6:51pm

Other than a brief 5 month relationship that ended in October, I have been single since I broke off my engagement 5 years ago. I personally don't feel self-conscious about it because I have

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Thu, 06-19-2008 - 3:43pm

When it comes down to it, a relationship isn't built off your family's wants. It is about you and the person you are sharing the experience with. I can completely understand that you are uncomfortable being single at a family party while your younger sibling is in a relationship. I've been in those situations, at a party feeling as if you are the only single person in the room. Being in that situation you have to just realize that your family loves you and while you are standing there wondering if they are thinking about you and your love life, most likely they are debating the idea of having another piece of watermelon at your party. Be happy that you are single and enjoy every minute of the freedom. If your happy with it, I'm sure your family is more than happy for you.

Best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 3:22am

I really like the way you put it Lisa! Although I am not at the stage yet where my parents are really bugging me about dating and marriage, I am the only one out of a big group of friends who is actually single. Most of my friends are either in a serious relationship, are engaged or are married.

But you know what? I'm ok with that. Although sometimes I do get lonely, I always remember that I could be in a crappy, miserable relationship. If I had to choose I would rather be single!

Right now I am focusing a lot of my career and education. I recently finished my pharmacy degree and I want to potentially pursue more certifications or degrees. I've moved from the east coast to the west coast to start a new job and I really don't know anyone here. I like being on my own and just doing stuff by myself. I know people might find that odd but it is very gratifying to know that I am OK being single and spending time alone. I don't feel like I need "someone" to feel complete.

Just my two cents!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 3:19pm

I am so sorry you have to go thru this.

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 3:40pm

Hi!

Soliel
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Sat, 06-21-2008 - 3:55pm

I find it interesting how the world feels not much exciting can happen to a person unless they are in relationship.


Falling in love is wonderful, no doubt, but it's not the only exciting thing that can happen.


I've had exciting/interesting/fun things happen to me in life sans relationship.


Wouldn't it be nice if others could see that?


Soliel

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