A big 'ol rock

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
A big 'ol rock
Thu, 06-05-2003 - 10:59pm
Well, my sister is getting married. She's dated him for just a few months, and I just met him in March. I guess the ring is huge. She'll also be moving to Arkasas, from what I understand. I don't even know how to react.

I don't like him, as I have posted, but apparently she does. I don't like that he's taking her and her kids farther away from me. I also don't like that she's jumping into this so quickly.

What I don't get is how I can be an intelligent, together young lady, while she is rather needy and certainly doesn't have her life together, yet she has always had these men crawling all over her and I don't. She isn't any more attractive than I am. I love her, but it just doesn't make sense to me. But of course, much of life doesn't make sense.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 3:33am
OF COURSE!!!! Of course your sister can find someone and you (the together one) can't. Sweetie...would you be engaged this quickly? Would you be that blind? Would you up and leave all your friends and family behind like that?

Think about this: a healthy, balanced r/ship is hard to find. Its far more difficult...so no wonder you having more "trouble" finding it than your sister. But lets not compare - that will get us nowhere.

Remember this...whomever you end up with will be worth the wait ;-)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 6:37am
It takes a very secure man to be with a woman who has her act together, because there is less of a chance that she will be dependent on him (in many different ways) and willing to put up with a lot of crap in marriage. I just wish there were more secure men in the world! Iri
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 9:37am
I totally agree. Those who are desperate for a relationship, any relationship, can always find it, but for those of us who have standards, it's much more difficult.

Shy- you obviously have much more discriminating taste and will end up with a much better guy in the end.

Edited 6/6/2003 9:38:50 AM ET by schnappsers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 10:43am
I have heard complaints from both men and women about what you are referring to---men complain that "I am a nice, caring guy, why do these women always go for the bad boys?" And women who have their lives together cannot figure out why men choose the needy ones with the messed up lives. I wonder if many, both men and women alike, if they like to feel "needed" or they are somehow "one up" from the person they are with. I know I have questioned this same thing with women I have tried to befriend. I have my life together and am pretty upbeat, but so often, women I try to call and e-mail, they just don't respond, yet they are all over these depressed women, some of whom have admitted "I am a drama queen." Makes me wonder---"would she go out to lunch with me (or whatever) if I was a 'drama queen' too??" I think both sexes are guilty of this, and it seems to take place in some platonic friendships as well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Fri, 06-06-2003 - 7:04pm
Sounds like a drama alright. Suddenly running off somewhere far away from your family after only knowing someone for a short period of time sounds like mind control. You said this guy wasn't liked by you, so obviously there was some shortcoming that your sister is to blinded to see. You should definitely make an effort to help her find out if this was the right thing in my opinion. Guys crawling all over someone is not a positive image. What it sounds like is that she is picking up men and sleeping with them, without consolidating somekind of friendship or knowledge of them first. In the end the relationship will tumble but the responsiblity of knowing these people is still there, and that can entail a lot of dangerous problems from some of them when they see they are no longer in relationship standing. Let me give you an example. If you meet someone of the internet and three months later, without spending a day apart to get a clear view on things you decide to get married, you still aren't aware what problems will pop up. You don't know how this person handles serious adversity. They are feeling totally accepted and happy to please. Once the relationship loses ground they can change to a completely different person, one who is unpleased, or hurt by some changes and can cause some abuse or pain. I can't believe that I was stupid enough to fall for these kinds or relationships, but once they started to crumble these men became impossible to live with. I still have one that stalks me and it's been three years since we broke up. All I can say is maybe convince them to move back after awhile.