Books for those who hate dating?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Books for those who hate dating?
6
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 9:10pm

Does anybody know of any good books to help those who HATE 'first dates' actually go on first dates?

Obviously speaking about myself here! I'm one of the most confident people I know, unless it's a first date, blind or not. I find myself so incredibly nervous and anxious that I consider backing out to stay home with a glass of wine and a good book. Several people I know have offered to hook me up with people but I always make excuses because of my nerves and quite frankly I'm sick of it. If I want to find someone worthwhile I have to date, right? LOL...right now I'm waiting for someone to fall into my lap, with a little bow on his head and a tag that says "Mr. Right". Merry Christmas.

I know I'm not that only person who encounters this so I figure there must be a book or something that will help me work through this. I'd do the whole counseling thing which has been soo positive for me in the past but the current health insurance makes it too expensive.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 9:32pm

I'm sure there are books out there, but I don't know what they are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 10:11pm
I agree with clshywon on this. You might just have to muster up the courage and even through the nervousness just do it, despite the nerves if you really want to connect with someone. Ask yourself what you are so afraid of before going and try to address those fears. Half the time we realize that those fears aren't nearly as bad as we make them out to be. It's stuff that we just conjure up in our own minds half the time. Try to go into it with a relaxed attitude that it's just a fun time with a new friend and go without expectations. A lot easier said than done I know but it helps to face those fears. If it's just that dating is no fun because you rarely ever connect and you are tired of disappointments then that's completely normal. I have felt that way numerous times. Dating seemed more like a chore to me than like something fun and relaxed. I realized that after awhile though I needed to take a break when it felt like it was an inconvenience or a chore because I was trying so hard and having no luck whatsoever. I took this approach.....I dated for awhile and tried hard and then I took a break for a few weeks then I went back online then took another break to regroup and get over the disappointments. I found that this was the best way for me to handle dating. It's just the mindset that you go into it with. It's supposed to be fun but half the time we are putting so much pressure on ourselves for everyone to be the one that we dont' just have fun with it.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 11-14-2006 - 4:10pm

Oh, honey, I've read them all.

One I really liked is "Guerilla Dating." I know that may sound aggressive, but it's not. The author (a woman) is like your big sister, kindly clueing you into everything, like how to go to a party, mingle and make conversation.

From a man's perspective, you may want to check out "Mars and Venus on a Date." I really didn't care for his "Men are from Mars..." book, but this one was really good. It helped me understand what men are thinking, and the whole process of dating.

If you plan on taking the internet route, please read "The Rules for Online Dating." Don't be turned off because this is the rules. Just learn from their experience, forget the rules if you want to.

And then, just because it's so wonderful, Greg Berhant's book "He's Just Not That Into You."

Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 1:54pm
"Always Talk to Strangers" is a good one for building up the nerve to talk to, and meet, more people. Might be a good place to start.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2005
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 3:40pm
How about Super Flirt or Super Date, both by Tracey Cox? She writes mostly about body language, how to read it and how to present it yourself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 11-15-2006 - 6:45pm

I actually was disappointed with "Always Talk to Strangers." I didn't feel like it had much to it. But I'd like to find another book on the same topic (approaching people) so I don't have to keep doing the OLD thing! I don't usually have a problem with first dates (although sometimes I do), but approaching people in the "real world" is hard for me.

My advice would be to go into the date with very low expectations of the person. Don't be too excited about it and I think you'll be more relaxed.