Bored and hopeless

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Bored and hopeless
5
Mon, 10-21-2013 - 11:49pm

I've just been feeling hopeless again about meeting the right person.

I have a profile on OK Cupid. Nobody exciting. there was a guy that I had a good conversation with on the phone. Then he said we would talk a few more times. Then he texted me back and forth over a couple of days. I'm not good at text. If interestd, call me already. Anyway it's been a week. I am tempted to call but if the guy is really interested, he would have not waited this long to talk to me. Anyway, must have found someone else. That usually happens.

Another (kinda) interesting one wrote to me 5 days ago. I just wrote back. Let see how it goes.

I need to find FreeAtLast youtube video on affirming for love again.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 10-22-2013 - 8:08am

Hi White Satin

Okay.. This is going to sound new age and all but you are receptive to it so here goes.. If you google utube and start watching Abraham Hicks (Esther Hicks) Laws of Attraction videos you will start realizing how the Universe works... All what attracting or getting a SO is having to do with our vibration and energy....Its hard to explain here so please when you get a chance watch the Abraham Hicks videos on love and all and you will start to get it..

I have been waffling in this for awhile now and although I am still in a holding pattern  I know why nothing is happening.....Its not an easy process but once you practice and get the hang of it things start to manifest... I know I know why do some people get whatever they want and others dont.. Well when you start watching the videos you will understand it all and when you start practicing laws of attraction it will all fall into place..

Go ahead and do it because there is nothing to lose.

I also recommend this for anyone else here on the singles board..

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 10-22-2013 - 10:45am

Trust me, I know how you feel. Unfortunately, I think the only thing you can really do is persevere, and enjoy the positive things you do have in your life, like your friends and family. It may sometimes seem like cold comfort when what you want is a romantic partner. and you've been looking a long time.

It's OK to feel bored and hopeless sometimes. I think those are times when we would probably be best served by pulling back a little from looking for romantic love and spend some quality time with people who care about us. Perhaps give yourself permission to not join another dating site or meetup group for the time being and just regroup. And, affirmations, prayer or meditation can help, if that type of thing inspires and soothes you. I find talking with a qualified therapist helps too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 10-22-2013 - 10:50am

Has it been a week since you last heard from this guy?  I think with OLD,  I just want to meet someone as soon as possible.  I'd say after the 1st phone call I'd like to set up a time to meet or just forget the whole thing.  I don't want to have a lot of phone calls/texting and put things off.  After all, the point of OLD is to get to meet people in person to see if you can find someone to date--it's not to get pen pals.  I just quit doing OLD because it was not working out for me.  I also think that when you feel down, it's probably the worst time to do OLD because you will feel hurt by all the guys who don't write back (which is inevitable for anyone) and you'll be thinking something is wrong with you.  I think with OLD you have to have the idea of just sending out a message & forgetting about it and not getting too attached to the outcome, because you have to realize that you don't even know this person yet.  He might sound good on paper but it doesn't necessarily mean that you would like him in person.

OLD isn't bad but I also think you need to find ways to get out & meet people IRL and do things with your friends to have fun.  Even though I'm not dating and who knows if I ever will at my advanced age, at least I'm going out & having fun and not just bored at home.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Wed, 10-23-2013 - 8:07am
What do you think it would take to pull you out of your funk? Is there a plan you can make to make that happen?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Wed, 10-23-2013 - 12:55pm

Hi everyone,

Yes, I'm in a major funk and introspective mood. I try to distract myself with things that I need to do but since they're not urgent, they are going at snail pace.  I really don't have any crisis right now (and don't want any!). I've been coasting for a couple months now so I'm going with the flow and enjoying the laziness. I need to do small improvements - de-cluttering mostly - to my house to put it on the market. The projects are small so even though didn't work out with the prima-donna, under-skilled handy man, I can find someone else. The de-cluttering, I have to do myself and that's a gigantic task right now.

For some reason, is it the colder weather? I've been feeling more lonely and romantically inspired. When I first put the profile on Okcupid, I was  indifferent, besides nobody desirable except the texting guy I mentioned showed up. But now my desires are stronger, I like the feeling and hate it at the same time. I like the companionship, the romance with being with someone. I miss the fun I had with my x-bf - we always had fun doing things together (it's the fundamental thing- money - that soured the R/S). I miss the conversations, going on small outings together. But I hate not having it and nothing remotely in the horizon. I debated many times whether to gripe about it here. so tempted to get back with my bf.

I still talk to the Belgian guy. Since we talk frequently and long, there's sort of a friendship there but he's not interested in a R/S with me. I'm attracted (strangely - out of neediness more than anything else), but all facts point to an impossibility (that is if we even had a R/S). In new-age thinking everyone that came into our life teaches us something. Yeah, I do see him as sort of a life teacher b/c he's difficult but pleasant at the same time. Difficult but willing to hang in there. I have a gf like that too, so mad sometimes, we hang up on each other but  they don't go away.

I got to thinking about my past two serious R/S. All involved them not measuring up finance-wise (even my last bf is better than the first one). What did he teach me, I wonder. maybe I'm commitphobic. I desparately cling and verbalize desire but my actions don't reflect it?  During my search for affirmation, I came across John DeMartini. He has some interesting observations. He talked about a woman he met on the plane who wanted a soul mate but when he explored further, he pointed out to her she had everyone in her life who providef those needs to her, except they are scattered in different people. The person who has everything just don't exist. How depressing is that?  So, an imperfect person who's perfect for you. I don't think I want a perfect person, I actually accepted a lot of idiosyncrasies of my x-bf but there are major things you have to have.