break up and break out
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|Mon, 08-19-2013 - 11:44pm|
My bf broke up with me two weeks ago. It happened over something I didn't think too much of but this is his pattern. Anyway, I was at his house and brought him dinner. We watched a movie that I wanted to watch. After that I told him about another movie of the same genre and that he could just see the trailer to see if he liked it. Instead he surfed around. I don't remember the exact sequences but he told me
"I spent 1 1/2 hours watching a movie with you and now you don't want to watch this with me (or something like that).
I said I've spent countless hours watching movies, video games, etc... with you (for some strange reason, it's really important for him that I watched these things with him. In return he would go pretty much where I wanted to go and eat where I wanted to eat)
He said "that's what a woman is supposed to do"
I said "what if I told you you don't do what a man is supposed to do?"
He: then why do you stay with me then. Leave.
So I got up and left. Because I didn't want him to always be the boss. Either I agree, I apologize or I go. He's not willing to talk/discuss anything anymore. While I was in the car, he called and said "let's break up once and for all, time to move on and find someone more compatible". I said "OK" and that was that.
This is the bf that I've had an rocky R/S with since May 2009. His main problem is finances. And the worse thing is we can't even talk about it. He's 61 now, works as an attorney in solo practice. My best guesstimate of his takehome income hovers around 80K/year on average. That is without any benefits and practically no holidays and he's not able to put anything aside at all for retirement and no cash reserve. The only thing he has is his house which has a 20 yr mortgage on it.
I, OTOH, am a doctor, 46 yo, never married no kids, and while not rich, on track financially (no kids, no ex-husband, good income allow for this to happen)
Since very early on in our R/S this was a redflag but I was lonely and I've always been grateful to someone who is kind to me so I kept an open mind and went along with it. I was hoping that his finacial setbacks (two prior marriages that ended badly and left him in bankruptcy the first time and debts the second time and having to support a son all these years - he was responsible and pretty much shelled out whatever the 1st ex-wife wanted for his son).
His son is in medical school now and able to get full financial aid (loans to cover everything) so hopefully he won't have spend too much on him moving forward. But since we broke up a few times and each time, I couldn't stand the loneliness, would come back to him. Each time I came back, I had even less leverage. In recent times, we stop talking about his finances so I have no idea if he's able to save anything for his retirement and what his debt situation is. He didn't have more than $1000 cash and $900 of it was spent on having the trees cut in his yard recently.
We stopped communicating about other things as well b/c he would always shut me up with the attitude that there's nothing wrong with him and I was too sensitive. Overall though despite his disagreement with me, I noticed he slowly over time stopped doing things that annoyed me. But the biggest elephant in the room, the finances, was untouched. I pretty much gave up on it and felt quite hopeless about our future together. Along with the hopelessness, I lost all sexual attraction for him as well. So we were basically companions in the last 7 months or so since we got back together again after broken up for 8 months.
I find it hard to move on. I keep asking myself do I want too much? Is having a good man good enough? I've heard of women who have men who leech off of them, who cheat them, not attracted to them. Here I have someone who accepts me for who I am. My depression doesn't make me the best person to be around either and many times he had to cheer me up and get me out. And yet when we were together, I felt hopeless about us and resentful for not being able to communicate.
But why doesn't he see that I'm a good woman and try to work things out?
Anyway, I'm so tired and pretty much given up. I saw what some of you said about giving people a chance and breaking out of the mode. I put a profile on OLD site OKcupid today and got my first email w/i minutes. The guy is average looking, a cop, but the profile sounds like a cool person. But I thought I give it a try so I emaled him back.
there's also another dr. an acquantance at work who appeared somewhat intersted but never asked me out so I don't know. My friend said maybe not intersted enough. There was another man that was intersted ( subordinate to me in position), and asked me to come to his house in front of the clerk. I was not attracted to him althugh he seems nice. I got weirded out that he asked me within hearing distance of the clerk. Never took him up on his offer.
Don't know how to feel what to think/do anymore. I've been praying for insight. Any thoughts?