Budding Stalker?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Budding Stalker?
4
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 5:33pm

There is a woman at my gym that I have conversations with whenever she is in the gym or around the pool area. She is married with kids so there has never been any flirting, just normal everyday conversations.

Tuesday of last week she seemed to take more of an interest in my personal life. She was asking many probing questions and saying that she misses me whenever I’m not around. On Wednesday she mentioned she had a few newspaper articles that I may find interesting. Later in the pool she was “accidentally” bumping into me and asking more probing questions that eventually led her to asking where I lived and I (foolishly) told her. I didn’t see her at the gym on Thursday. On Friday I was at work so I didn’t go to the gym. When I got home that evening there were some newspaper articles in my mailbox and one of them was titled “Living Alone Doubles The Danger With Age” which was about a study showing that single people were at greater risk of heart disease.

This afternoon there was a knock on my door and it was her, all dressed up. She looked very nervous and I could actually see her hands trembling. She started to talk but could barely utter a meaningful sentence. She finally said “I’m sorry, I’m too nervous now” then apologised for some things she said last week and left!

Although she is quite nice I am not attracted to her but even if I was she is strictly out of bounds. I have absolutely no interest in married women - None.

How should I handle this situation?

I thought she was normal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 5:57pm

Oh boy...

Well I would tell her exactly what you told us. You are not attracted to her, and she is a married woman. Tell her to go home to her husband and kids. Tell her that you barely know her and dont like her just showing up at your door.

And then if she doesnt back off, you tell her you will notify her husband about her behavior. And then you ignore her at the gym and any other advances made towards you.

Be firm but respectful. Hopefully she'll get it.

She sounds unbalanced...

Good luck

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: hal_9000
Sun, 07-16-2006 - 7:20pm

Yikes, Hal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 9:32am

Update: Since this incursion into my privacy she has been a little subdued. However, when we have been in the steam room or sauna together she has tried to start a conversation with me. I usually answer her questions with either a "Yes", "No" or "Maybe" whilst she babbles incessantly at me. I have shown little interest and rarely even make eye contact. A few weeks ago she apologised for showing up at my flat unannounced.

Today she asked me why I am so curt with her! I said that I answer questions the way I feel is appropriate. She then said that I know nothing about her private life and for all I know she could be going through a divorce. I told her that it was irrelevant to me. She then said, “Some people don’t like to encroach on a happily married couples life, but for all you know I could be going through a divorce”. I reiterated what I said earlier and told her that whether she was married or not was completely irrelevant to me. I still don’t think it sunk in because she then said, “I have very strong feelings for you but I feel that it is all one sided”. I looked her and said, “It is”.

She stormed out of the sauna almost slamming the door behind her and went into the steam room where she burst into tears. After about 15 minutes and a few lengths in the pool we both ended up in the steam room again. Once again she started babbling incessantly at me again as if nothing had happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 10:10am

Omg.. this isn't just someone who doesn't get the message... this is a mentally disturbed individual with a severe mood disorder.... I would start 'blanking' her completely - be selectively blind when she's around.