Called too femmenine after 1 month??
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Called too femmenine after 1 month??
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:33am |
I'm 28 good looking, have my degree in economics. I have never had a problem getting a date asking a girl out but once they get to know me they leave. They claim im too femmenine and can't handle it. I'm not gay never will be. I grew up around manly women and never really became a manly man I guess. I'm sucessful in life carry a well paying job and have my own house. Most women on first impressions see me as being femmenine once they see me walk and talk and the things I talk about.
What can I do? I'm tired of dating since it always leads me no where in the end. Do I have to be an ass to get anywhere? Is the nice guy the wrong guy?

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Hi Mark,
First of all, don't become an ass.
I'm wondering what it is that is so feminine about you. You indicate that it is the way you walk, talk and the things you talk about. OK, so if you "swish" when you walk and you "look gay" in other ways, I can see how a woman might become confused. I know women who have become unknowingly involved with gay men who were really in denial and struggling to go straight, but it never works in the end. But you say you are straight.
As to what you talk about...what is it that you talk about that makes them think this? Perhaps you are into art, theater and cooking (which I would find wonderful) and the women you are meeting are just not into that sort of thing and associate it with gay men. Perhaps you aren't coming on to the women enough. And by this, I don't mean trying to wrestle her into bed early on, but making "sexually appreciative" (but tasteful) remarks to her.
You could certainly find a way to dress and style your hair that would be more "masculine." Perhaps that could be a place to start. If you have a slight build, perhaps you could work out more, although this might only go so far.
You really can't fundamentally change who you are, but you can make some changes to the outside package. I would say the same thing to a woman who didn't dress cute or wear makeup. Do you have a male friend who could "coach" you in this area? I remember reading a self-esteem book by David Burns where he described "taking lessons" in college from a male friend of his to become more "studly" and it worked for him.
But, you may just not have met the right woman yet.
Hope some of this helps, good luck to you. --FG
To me it honestly just sounds like a matter of opinion....you say that some girls say that you're wonderful at some things and some girls say you should work on it (do you really ask every girl these things? Just curious). Feminine does not equal nice, ie you're wrong when you say to us that the nice guy is the wrong guy. That doesn't seem to be the issue here. Personally, I would have a difficult time dating a guy who wasn't more masculine and into, at the very least, watching sports because, well, I AM into watching sports so it's more of a common interest thing. Though I dress and act feminine, for the most part, I'm really more of a guy's girl, so dating a more feminine, "metro" man, if you will, wouldn't make much sense for me. However, I know a LOT of girls that would be beyond thrilled to meet a guy who's NOT into sports, who IS more sensitive, who DOES care what he looks like and so forth. Perhaps you should re-evaluate the types of girls you're dating...
Anyway, I wouldn't change if I were you, you'll meet someone who appreciates you as you are. Though, if confidence is an issue, you could try to become more confident, at least outwardly...do walk with your head held high (not necessarily a dominant male thing, I think this is a general confidence thing, for women and men), do be a little more aggressive when it comes to women (when a guy doesn't make a move for months - or however long -I don't think he's being nice, I think he's not interested). Other than that, be yourself.
I dated someone briefly in college who is like you describe.
Well, to be honest, most men are horny all the time and are pretty much up for it anytime, especially in the beginning.
Smile,
Deirdre
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