Called too femmenine after 1 month??
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Called too femmenine after 1 month??
| Mon, 05-28-2007 - 3:33am |
I'm 28 good looking, have my degree in economics. I have never had a problem getting a date asking a girl out but once they get to know me they leave. They claim im too femmenine and can't handle it. I'm not gay never will be. I grew up around manly women and never really became a manly man I guess. I'm sucessful in life carry a well paying job and have my own house. Most women on first impressions see me as being femmenine once they see me walk and talk and the things I talk about.
What can I do? I'm tired of dating since it always leads me no where in the end. Do I have to be an ass to get anywhere? Is the nice guy the wrong guy?

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He wasn't, but when I take his hand and place it in a particular place, he should know it's okay to leave it there!
A possible explanation is that you don't come off as confident, assertive, and strong. These are traditional masculine qualities. There is quiet strength and confidence. You can be assertive and respectful without being aggressive.
Does that make sense for you?
Mark
Directed to the OP:
It takes all kinds, I guess. I go for the more metrosexual guys myself. I've dated the masculine beefy guys and didn't like them because, rather than feel "protected" I felt threatened. I like to be able to have a chance if they decide to turn on me one day. :)
So I usually prefer the more feminine guys myself. I would say you're just going for the wrong girls. If you're going for the girly-girls who cry because they break a nail, yeah -you're going to have a problem with them. If you, however, go for the girls who can kill their OWN spiders, thank you, you may fare better.
(Actually I don't kill spiders, I just put them back outside, but you get the idea.) :)
It sounds to me that you are secure and happy enough with who you are, so I wouldn't say to change anything about how you act or who you are.
But, after hearing a bit about how you are with girls, I do kind of think it will be tougher for you to find a relationship that works. But then again, it's always tough, right?
It would personally make me quite uncomfortable if my guy didn't kiss like a typical guy, touch like a guy, hold like a guy. For me, the aggressiveness is essential in attraction, in my feeling desired, and in creating passion. That doesn't mean I only like jerks. One man I fell deeply in love with had many feminine traits emotionally, but in the bedroom, he was very much your typical horny man!
But your style is yours, and it is a man's style, because you are a man! Everybody, man and woman, is different, and it takes a lot of work to find someone who is compatible in a relationship. I would just say to not be angry with the girls who don't find your style works for them. Because clearly, their wants and expectations equally don't work for you.
I find it refreshing that he's this way. Sure he may be too "feminine" and "too nice" for other women but he's good for me. Continue to work on yourself in ways that will help you in the long-haul but dont' change who you are just to attract women. There are those of us out there that appreciate these qualities.
I got this in my inbox from WebMD. Here is an excerpt that I think is relevant to this issue.
From 'Nice Guy' to 'Integrated Male'
Robert Glover, PhD, a psychotherapist and marriage counselor, believes many men have responded to feminism by repudiating traditional masculine traits -- such as strength, assertiveness, and independence -- because they fear feminists may find those traits offensive. In an effort to please women, they transform themselves into sensitive, emotionally responsive "nice guys."
"They constantly ask themselves, 'how do I make sure the woman is happy and doesn't get upset with me?'" says Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy.
This "nice guy syndrome," as he calls it, causes men to hide their masculine nature. And this, according to Glover, often repels women.
"The man believes he's doing everything right in terms of trying to make the woman happy, but her complaint is, 'I can't trust him,'" Glover says. "Men like this are not telling the truth about themselves because they don't want to upset women, but women walk away feeling that their men have no integrity, no consistency. They say things like, 'I don't know what he's really thinking.' Women get very frustrated by males who are always seeking to please them."
Glover tries to help men become "integrated" by recognizing their own needs. And his integrated man bears an uncanny resemblance to the ubersexual.
Honest and Direct
"The integrated man is honest," Glover said. "He's clear and direct in expressing his needs, and he makes his needs a priority. By making his needs a priority, a man doesn't need a woman to fill him up and make him happy. He is not an emotional vampire."
All this helps the integrated male develop the passion that is the hallmark of the ubersexual.
"Only when you put your priorities first can you have passion," said Glover.
Ironically, the ubersexual himself bears an uncanny resemblance to the traditional male of decades past - a more talkative Gary Cooper, perhaps, or a more emotionally expressive Humphrey Bogart. It's as though men have moved so far forward that they can afford to go backward to a time when men were distinctly manly.
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